Hope

  Writer: Aashutosh Dhungana

                   Hope

"Dear letter,

Currently, neither do I have any proper clothes to wear nor any apt shelter to live in. The only thing I have is a glimpse of hope. The hope of returning home with a gleaming smile on my face, the hope of eating the rice pudding that my mom makes, the hope of fighting with my brother over unnecessary trifles, and the hope of getting beaten up by my father. 

With the body covered with dirty and muddied clothes, heart enclosed with regretfulness, and eyes covered with sorrow, currently, I am at the lowest point of life, but not very long ago, I was at the formest point. Not very long ago, I was enjoying the season of light but not the season of darkness. Not very long ago, I was an appreciated official but not a blatant blackguard weeping and begging in the streets of Vientiane. 

It was not very long ago when this had happened-

"Welcome to Bangkok, sir. I was sent to receive you by the company," said Aroon with just the hint of a smile on his face.

It was almost noon when I had just arrived at Suvarnabhumi International Airport, with the clear clouds floating in the sky and the sun dancing at the top. But when Aroon came to receive him, it was almost dusk. 

"Oh yes, I was informed." I replied with barely suppressed anger in my eyes.  

After a few minutes of conversation, we decided to head towards the hotel. I was already exhausted after the tiring and burdensome journey. So, I didn't prefer to travel.

"Can I smoke here?" I said in a soft voice immediately after entering the cab, expressing my desperateness for a cigarette. "You may get in a fix if you do so ." Aroon warned me in a harsh voice, pointing out the policemen, who were about 30 meters away.

Passing through the busy and spacious roads of Bangkok, we reached 'The blue diamond' hotel in less than half an hour. And, immediately after having supper, I went to the balcony of my room and, lying on the luxurious couch, I lit the cigarette. "Woah.." I breathed a sigh of relief after blowing a puff of smoke, and soon I fell asleep.

 That time, I was a handsome young man of 26, grey-haired, brown-eyed, and tall outsider who had just been to Thailand from Nepal.

The next day-'Tring, tring...'rang the alarm. With enthusiasm and eagerness dancing in my heart, I woke before the sun did. It was the first day of my office. AT 9, I was impatiently waiting for my boss in the reception, with both excitement and nervousness tickling me. Exactly after 3 minutes, the boss entered the reception with a gleaming smile on his face. The boss, too, was a young man with hair as bright as gold.

"Hey, Ravish. How are you doing?" the boss immediately asked after seeing me. Then, we had a long conversation. The boss reminded me of the expectations of the company.

Me, being academically excellent, the company had agreed upon the deal to provide me a sound and attractive salary. That is why the company had great expectations from me. 

 After the conversation, I was taken to my desk and once again reminded of my work. Meanwhile, I chanced a glance at the staff next to me and only started to work after a few moments of chatting with him.

The guy next to me was Bun ma, a chubby and chunky guy with a bulging stomach at the front. Having him next to me while working was great. He was frank, funny and he would never let me be bored. 

As time passed, I became comfortable with the environment, and Bun ma and I became very close. I was provided with an apartment in Khao San Road which was just around the corner from my office. Bun ma used to usually come over to my place and at weekends, we would go for a long drive.  

One day, when it was almost dusk and we were about to leave, the boss entered the hall with a large grin splitting on his face. "We will have a party at Christmas, guys." he announced, spreading excitement and happiness all over the room. 

On Christmas Day, the morning had dawned foggy, with just the hint of sun in the east. Still, the excitement and eagerness in me made the morning beautiful. At 10, dressed up in a brown suit and red tie, I was sitting at my desk. Unlike I expected, there were very few people in the hall chatting incessantly. I cautiously observed them and tried to listen to their chat but, I couldn't. All the people in there were very sophisticated, so was I. So, I didn't feel uncomfortable or uneasy. Instead, when Bun ma came, I bragged a lot about the suit I had worn. Later, we had a small party that was very similar to a child's birthday party rather than an adult rendezvous/party.  

The clock was ticking very slowly and, for me, the day turned out to be monotonous. In the evening, when I was just about to leave, Bun ma suggested me to take a walk with him. I had no objection.

He, then, took me to a place, I had never been before. Chaotic streets, countless vendors and people, blaring shouts, and muddied vehicles, the place was a complete mess. ''Come on in." he said pointing out a busy restaurant with his left hand. A thick layer of smog had trapped the restaurant making the environment dull. The people, in the restaurant, were incessantly partying binge. Had I been there with other people, I would have already escaped. The only reason behind me not escaping from there was I believed him.

"Need anything?" the waiter asked. But that guy looked more like a scoundrel rather than a waiter. His expressions and way of speaking clearly expressed that. But that didn't surprise me too, as the place where we had been was more like an inexpensive tavern rather than a well-established restaurant. Through a strange gesture, Bun ma ordered something, making me curious. After some time, the same guy served us some Thai food.

And, again, after few moments, the same guy came to our table. This time he had a small secret chat with Bun ma. I got more curious

"Is everything fine?" I asked, expressing my doubtfulness.

" Yes, man. Why are you so worried? Just calm down. " he calmed me. I thought that he was going to surprise me with some presents. But no, I was wrong.

"Here it is." the scoundrel came again, this time with some Mekhong (Thai alcohol). Although I smoked, alcohol wasn't of my type. So, I insisted not to drink it, but, he insisted more than I did. " Common man, just try it once." he urged me. I couldn't oppose him this time.

With clearly revealed uneasiness in my face, I took a sip. Unlike I had expected, the Mekhong tasted fine. So, even while knowing that I may not sober up quickly and also purge, later on, I decided to drink it.

"Didn't I tell you that it tastes like heaven?" he said with quite a hint of a smile on his face.

"Yes, it does." I replied.

After some more sips, I became an incessantly murmuring intoxicated bacchanalian. Bun ma too got excited and, we both started doing inappropriate things. Now, it was us who looked like scoundrels.

Suddenly, I started feeling uncomfortable. Hands started shivering,

teeth sharted chattering, and whatnot! Feeling dizzy, lousy, and drowsy, I laid on the greasy cemented surface. " Bun ma!" I said in a small voice, pleading for help.  

I was taken aback- Instead of helping me, Bun ma seated himself leg-crossed on the wooden chair, laughing loudly. I had been kidnapped! 

Then, my glance roamed around the crowded tables near the walls. Collecting all the strength, I shouted, "Help me!" But neither was I helped nor seen by them. Every moment, I was losing consciousness. I had almost no strength in my body. All I had was hatred for the cruel animal whom I believed awfully. At that time, I was helpless youth with rough hair, lousy eyesight, and a broken heart. At that time, I was a youth who had just been into a hideous trap. Soon, I passed out.

"Kraa,kraaa...." chattered the crow, making me conscious. With the hands covered with clay, with flies roaming the punctured leg and, with red spots all over the body, a person was lying beneath the reeds, in the middle of a jungle, that person was me. "Ahh." I whispered when the wounds didn't let me move. But, more than anywhere else, I could feel a great pain under the ribcage. When I saw what was under the muddied shirt, I couldn't stop myself from crying my eyes out. One of my kidneys was removed!

For two days, neither I couldn't move nor shout for help. Whenever I felt thirsty, I ate grass. The pain was intolerable. Sometimes, when you have to face intolerable pain, either mentally or physically, the one you remember the most is your mother. I missed her too. At that time, I just wanted to hug her and tell her that she is the one I love the most, but I couldn't.

On the third day, I plucked up the courage to crawl, but when I tried to walk, I couldn't. At night, the cold wind was flowing from the east, making me shiver. Now, I could not tolerate it anymore. I decided to suicide using a bunch of long grass to tie my neck. With all the strength left, I plucked up a bunch of grass. I took a long breath and when I was just about to tie myself, I remembered my mom who used to travel 15 kilometers just to save 10 rupees for my school fees. Then, I remembered my father who had sacrificed all of his happiness just for me, and the mischievous brother, who had pleaded with me to buy him a laptop while returning home. I couldn't pluck up the courage this time.

On the seventh day, somehow, I developed the courage to walk, but still, I couldn't walk continuously for a long period. I was left in the middle of a massive jungle and the long reeds and itchy insects there made it more difficult to walk. But still, that massive field was nothing in front of the hopes I had. That time, I had realized that sometimes life puts in the worst circumstances with a piece of life as the only thing left in you, then, for many people life becomes dull. At such times, hope is the only that can revive you. Hope is a good thing and sometimes the only thing that keeps you alive. And, for me too, hope was the only thing that kept me alive, the hope of returning home.

After 9 hrs of walk, only I reached a road that was very dissimilar to Thai streets. It was very dark that time, with no hint of the moon in the sky. Until the next morning, I slept at the roadside. The next day, the morning dawned clear and cold. Hoping that people will lend me some help, I kept on waiting for someone to come. But there was neither any sign of buildings nearby me nor any sign of people approaching. The only thing I could see was tiny insects roaming around on the road. Only after 2 hours, I saw a car approaching, I got as happy as a dog with two tails. With excitement reflected from my face, I waved my hands continuously. 

But, the car didn't stop. Maybe, because I looked like a beggar rather than a needy person. Again, after few moments, a car was approaching. Again, I waved my hands. This time with little less excitement. But this time the car stopped. 

" Can you give me a lift?" I gently asked, hoping that the guy would. The guy replied in some other language. That wasn't Thai. If it was, I I would have understood it because even when I wasn't perfect at it, I could understand it properly. I started finding everything strange.

"Country, country?" I asked, this time, with broken English doubting whether I was in Thailand or not."Laos." he replied. I got astounded. Had I been in Thailand, I would have somehow, managed to go to Bangkok where my office was. But, now, I had gotten into real trouble. 

The guy only gave me a lift after few moments of argument. And, after 30 minutes, he dropped me by in a market. "Place name is what? " I asked him. He could only speak and understand broken English. So, I had to put some effort to make him understand what I am saying. "Vientiane, this place, the capital of Laos." he replied.

After knowing that I was at the capital of Laos, I got delighted, hoping that the embassy would help. But neither did the embassy helped nor the people. Since then, I have roamed almost every street of Laos, begging for money and help, and currently, I am at the lowest point of life. I don't even dare to tell my parents about the things that have happened. I don't know how much worried they are.

 But still, I hope that I will be home soon and spread a glittering smile on their face. I hope a courteous fairy will come to help me out. I hope that I will soon, be able to enjoy the greenery of summer. I hope that my hopes come true. I hope......."  

 Ravi takes a long breath after reading the heart-rending, emotional, stirring, and moving dairy of his brother, Ravish. 

Today Ravish is one of the most popular entrepreneurs of Nepal, but it would have never been possible if he hadn't hoped. Yes, he was right, hope is a good thing and sometimes the only thing that keeps you alive.