Jenny's Journey from Darkness to Light

This story contains sensitive content involving hard life situations and may be unsuitable for younger readers.

Jenny sat near the front of the church, staring at the altar. The heaviness of grief that weighed on her shoulders was nearly unbearable. Her eyes burned from the tears, and her chest hurt as if her grief had sucked all the air right out of her lungs. Her mother, Ruth, had been her biggest fan, her most expressive cheerleader in life, her one constant source of steadiness in a life already rich in hardship.  

At the age of 20, Jenny had already suffered more than most people suffer in a lifetime. Her cancer diagnosis came as a child. She was only 12 when she was diagnosed with a commonly treatable form of leukemia. She fought hard to beat it. By the age of 15, she celebrated the end of her cancer treatments. She was then a cancer survivor. It was a hard fight, but she had won the battle. Jenny's mother had been her only support system; actually, her mother and her church lady friends who supposedly prayed for Jenny through her battle with cancer. Jenny's father left her mother when she was only nine years old. Jenny hadn't been too upset over her father's absence. Her good memories of him included one trip to the zoo when she was four, a bedtime story when she was six, and the bike he had bought her for her seventh birthday. She would rather forget all her other memories of the man. Jenny's father was a man with many demons of his own. He took out his frustrations in life by beating up on her mother and mostly yelling at Jenny. Jenny took the verbal abuse as an indication that her unpleasant home life was somehow her fault. Now, with her dad gone, it was just Jenny and her mother – and those church ladies her mother talked about all the time, the church ladies her mother genuinely loved, although Jenny didn't understand why.  

By the time Jenny was 17, she had no use for church, church ladies, or anything or anyone except for her mother, who had anything to do with a God who would allow so much pain in life. She remained close to her mother, who had shown Jenny nothing but love and patience, but she temporarily found solace in a boy who was just as rebellious as Jenny had become. Jenny's mother had tried to reason with Jenny and even the wild boy a time or two, but every time her mother brought up the Bible or any religious reason for better behavior, Jenny tried even harder to rebel against it. She didn't believe in God and didn't want to. If there were no God, then her behavior wouldn't matter to anyone but her mother, who would get over it, or so Jenny thought.  

It was the year Jenny turned 18 that she realized her mother wasn't wrong about everything. She had been right about Tim. The day Jenny told him she was pregnant, he bolted as quickly as he could. He wanted nothing more to do with Jenny, and he certainly wanted nothing to do with a baby. He was a "free spirit" who didn't want anything tying him down to anyone or anything. Jenny thought about having an abortion, but her mother once again demonstrated patience with Jenny that Jenny couldn't understand. She had given her mother every reason to kick her out of the house. Still, Jenny's mother, although disappointed in Jenny's behavior, pleaded with Jenny to keep the baby, reminding Jenny that her chances of ever having a baby in the first place were uncertain due to her childhood cancer treatments. Ruth took Jenny to a pregnancy care center, where they showed Jenny her baby on an ultrasound screen. They gave her videos and booklets about prenatal development and pregnancy care. Along with Jenny's mother, they developed a plan to help Jenny through what they claimed would be a blessing to Jenny, not a problem, and certainly not a punishment or a curse. Jenny only hoped they were right.  

Over the next several months, Jenny kept all her appointments at the pregnancy care center. While watching her baby grow, she completed her prenatal courses on time. She was amazed at the intricate design involved in the development of human life. She stared at the ultrasound images, wholly enamored of the baby growing inside her. It was obvious that a preborn baby is not a clump of cells but a masterpiece that a Designer can only create. For the first time, Jenny entertained the idea that maybe her mother and her church ladies were right about the God they worshiped – and constantly prayed to on Jenny's behalf. Jenny had become particularly fond of one church lady in particular. Chloe was younger, not too much older than Jenny. Chloe was fun. Jenny hadn't realized until she met Chloe that not all church ladies were old and drab. Some of them were younger and fun. Jenny realized that she would have known that if she had gone to church with her mother. Chloe was the one who had gone with Jenny to all of her appointments at the pregnancy care center, not because Chloe or Jenny's mother hadn't trusted Jenny to keep the appointments, but because Chloe wanted to be there for Jenny when Jenny's mother couldn't. Ruth had taken on a second job to help Jenny with the baby and help her get onto a better path in life.  

Chloe had been there for Jenny every step of the way. Jenny finally realized that for the first time, she had a real friend, a friend who loved her unconditionally, almost as much as Jenny's mother, Ruth.

As Jenny neared the end of her pregnancy, Chloe helped Jenny get a job in the store where she worked. She would start 8 weeks after the baby came, and Chloe's mother, Rachel, would watch the baby during the day while Jenny and her mother worked. With Jenny's new job, Ruth could drop her second job, allowing her to spend time with Jenny and her new grandbaby. Things seemed to be getting better for Jenny and her mother.  

In her eighth month of pregnancy, Jenny had finally agreed to go to church with her mother and Chloe. By then, Jenny knew that church ladies weren't so bad after all. Jenny wasn't sure that prayers did any good, but those church ladies were serious about their church stuff, and as Jenny had experienced first-hand, they were servants. They had brought Jenny and her mother food, and sometimes Jenny saw them hand Ruth an envelope with money and gift cards inside. Jenny was grateful for those church ladies. The least she could do to show her appreciation was to go to church with them. On the first morning Jenny agreed to go, she passed by her mother's bedroom. She heard her mother talking to someone, but it didn't sound like Ruth was on the phone. Ruth's door stood slightly ajar, so Jenny peaked in. She saw her mother knelt on her knees by her bed, talking and crying.

Ruth had cried a lot in life, but this time, she wasn't crying because her husband had left her, or because she had so little money, or because Jenny had been diagnosed with childhood cancer, or because Jenny had become a wild teenager, or because Jenny was nearing the end of an unplanned pregnancy. No, Ruth was crying tears of thankfulness. She thanked God for the blessings He had given her. "Blessings?" Jenny thought. As she listened to her mother pray, Jenny realized how strong her mother was. In spite of all the hardships she had faced, her mother was thankful for God's provision, for her home, for food, for their old car that still worked, for paid bills, for friends who supported her in every way they could, for Jenny, and Jenny's baby. Jenny stepped away from the door, wiped the tears from her eyes, and finished getting ready for church.

Church hadn't been so bad. Jenny was afraid others would judge her for her past behaviors, but the people she met at her mother's church welcomed Jenny with open arms. She had never been hugged so much by so many people in all her life. Even the nursery ladies told Jenny they couldn't wait to rock Jenny's baby in the church nursery rocking chairs. Jenny felt that they were assuming too soon that Jenny would return and bring the baby, but by the time they were ready to head home, Jenny understood why her mother loved this place so much. Jenny felt totally at peace there, welcomed, and even loved. Jenny felt sad as she and her mother exited the church, not because she had been disappointed in the experience but because the morning was over. Jenny wanted to go back. She placed her hand over her baby bump, remembering the intricate design of the human life growing inside her. She felt with a growing confidence that maybe her mother, her mother's pastor, her church lady friends, and the people at the pregnancy care center were right after all. Maybe there was, and is, a Master Designer.

The following Sunday, Jenny got up early. This time, she wasn't going to church to show her mother and her church lady friends how much she appreciated them. She was going because she wanted to go. She wanted to return to the place where she had found a sense of peace and learn more about the God she had decided might exist after all. When she walked past her mother's room, she heard her mother praying again, but this time, she was praying for Jenny to find salvation in Jesus. Jenny knew what her mother meant because Ruth had often explained to Jenny who Jesus was and how people can spend eternity with Him if they repent of their sins, believe Jesus is the Son of God, and make Him the Lord of their lives. Jenny had only recently felt that even if there was a God and He had sent His Son to die for others, she couldn't believe He wanted to have anything to do with her. If He cared anything about her at all, then He wouldn't have allowed so many bad things to happen to her. Now, she thought that maybe her mother had been right about many things, not just Tim.

Jenny sat with her mom and Chloe, listening intently to their pastor speak about the Trinity, God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. She heard words of Truth spoken so passionately that they flowed straight into her heart, her heart that had believed so many lies in the past. Suddenly, the Truth was revealed to her in a way that could only come from God, who is real and personal, cared about her, her life, her baby, and had a plan for her future. When the altar call came, all the prayers lifted for her by her mom, Chloe, and all the other church ladies were answered in the way they had prayed. Jenny looked at her mom through tears of joy . . . joy, something Jenny had never really known until that moment. When Ruth's eyes met Jenny's, she knew. She knew what was about to happen. Jenny took her mother's hand, and together, they walked down the aisle to the altar where Jenny prayed to receive Jesus as her Savior, and for the first time, she experienced the Light. Her past had been dark and filled with disappointment and hurt, but today, her life has become filled with light, joy, and hope for her future.

Two weeks later, Jenny gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Jenny's mother assisted her during the delivery, and Chloe waited in a nearby waiting room with several other church ladies. The past three weeks had been the best days of Jenny's life. She was a single mom at the age of 19, but she wasn't alone. She had her mom, her friend, Chloe, the church ladies she had grown to love and consider family, but best of all, she had the Lord. She held her baby girl tight and felt at peace. She didn't know what the future would hold, but she knew that whatever she had to face, she would never be alone.

The following year brought joy-filled living. The year wasn't perfect because life is never perfect. Sometimes it was downright hard, but Jenny felt God's presence at every turn through all of life's ups and downs. Little Ruth, named after Jenny's mother, grew and grew and grew. She loved staying with Chloe's mom during the day, and all the church ladies helped whenever Ruth and Jenny needed extra help. Life couldn't be better. Before they knew it, little Ruth was already a year old. Her princess-themed birthday party was a huge success, filled with lots of friends and party fun. Jenny's mother had made the cake herself.

Two weeks later, when the call came, Jenny had just dropped little Ruth off with Chloe's mom. Jenny's mom had just merged onto the freeway and headed to work. She never saw the pickup truck that had crossed the median and hit her head-on. The paramedics on the scene said Ruth had died instantly.  

Now, here Jenny sat. The funeral ended a little while earlier, and everyone else had left; some of them headed to Jenny's home to serve Jenny in whatever capacity she needed. Jenny had stayed behind for a bit, staring at the altar, where she had prayed to receive Jesus as her Lord the year before. Eighteen months ago, her mother's loss would have sent Jenny to rock bottom. She would have suffered this unbearable loss without hope. Now, here, she had suffered a loss she could not bear on her own, but with the Lord to hold her up, Jenny knew she would learn to breathe freely again, and someday, her tears of sorrow would turn to tears of joy. 

Jenny heard footsteps behind her. She turned to see Chloe coming to join her. She held little Ruth on her hip. Chloe sat beside her best friend and handed little Ruth to her mommy. "Jenny, I love you like a sister. You know I'm here for you always."

Jenny smiled, "I know." She looked at little Ruth. As she gazed into the eyes of her little daughter, her mother's namesake, she knew this was not the end of their story. God has given her a future and a hope. Her life was once filled with the darkness of heartache without hope, but now her life would be filled with the light of Truth no matter what the future held because her future was now in the hands of God in whom she believes and trusts, a God who has promised her a future and a hope. In spite of her great loss, Jenny was ready to live in the Light.