The First and the Last

 I can feel the cold shingles pressing into my legs, hard enough that they’ll leave a mark. I bought a sweater out here, but the near-freezing winds are cutting right through the fabric. The tips of my ears and nose are numb, and my fingers are starting to feel like they’re going to fall off. It's late October in eastern Canada, so I'm not all that surprised. Late October, but not the latest. Jesus, I’m not even gonna make it to Halloween.

I think everyone was pretty surprised when we saw the news this morning. “150 km wide asteroid barreling towards earth at incredible speeds” is what they said. It’s supposed to hit at 8:45pm. They’re saying there's no way to avoid it. That this is it. Once that meteor hits us we’re dead. My mom started sobbing, calling her parents and all her friends. My little brother just clung onto the dog, staring at the TV all confused. He has no idea what’s going on. Maybe that’s the best way to go, though. Blissfully unaware.

I got a few texts from some friends at school. There were some nice goodbyes in there, the girl I sat next to in science told me she had a crush on me last year. I guess now's the time to confess shit like that, If you’ve got secrets. I called Dad too and said my goodbyes. He’s been living in the States since last summer with his girlfriend, they had a kid a couple months ago. I wonder what they’re doing right now.

The streets are pretty much bare. It’s weird, our neighbourhood is usually pretty busy, with kids running around and people talking by their fences. But now the block seems like a shell of what it was. Most people packed up and left the moment they heard about the meteor, either trying to get into one of those useless bunkers or just going to see their families. Some people stayed home, but none of them are outside. They probably think it’ll be easier if they can’t see the asteroid heading straight at them. Or maybe they just don’t want to spend their last moments alive in this cold. God damn it’s cold.

“Hey,” A voice says from below me, making me jump so bad I almost fall off my roof. I turn around to see the source of the voice, and the last person I would ever expect is climbing through my bedroom window onto the lower part of my roof.

“Lucas?”

“The one and only,” He says with a stupid smile on his face. I met Lucas in the first grade, and I haven’t seen him since the beginning of high school. We became best friends after I kicked a kid for pushing him into the mud at recess. He came and ate lunch with me in the principal's office while I waited for my mom to come pick me up. We had been inseparable. Anywhere I went, Lucas wasn’t far behind. Then we kind of just…stopped talking. It was weird. One day we were staying up way later than we should playing Mario Kart, and a couple weeks later it was nothing more than a quick glance at each other in the halls. I never asked him why it happened, why we fizzled out. I just acted like I didn’t care. It was easier that way. But every once in a while I find myself thinking about it. Wondering why.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, astounded to even be seeing his face. He looked different, obviously. Puberty had been nice to him. He had always been an attractive guy, his light curly hair and dimples drew people in.

“Figured I’d swing by to say hello. And goodbye, I guess,” He says, hoisting himself up onto the top of my window and sitting next to me, “ Now's the time to do it, right? Seeing as it’s the end of the world and all.”

“Yeah…” Silence stretches between us, not an awkward one though. Which shocks me, honestly. Even after three years, I still feel like I can sit in silence with him forever, “How did you get in? I didn’t see you come to the front.”

“Cut through the park and hopped your fence, just like I always have. Your mom told me you were up here.” I nod apprehensively, “It was nice to see her again, your brother too. And ripper.”

“I’m sure they liked seeing you too,” I say. It’s true, my family always loved Lucas. He was like my mom's second son. It's hard not to like someone who’s always around. “What were they doing down there?”

“Your mom was cooking dinner.” I laugh.

“Of course she is.”

“She said she wanted you guys to have the best final meal of all time.” He says with a smile. He stops for a minute, hesitating, “She actually invited me to stay and eat with you guys. If that’s ok with you…”

“Of course it’s ok with me. You’re always welcome here man.” I say without thinking. I mean, why wouldn’t that be ok with me? It’s not like we’re sworn enemies. I wonder if he thinks I hate him. I wonder if he knows that I would go back to how it was in a heartbeat if he wanted to.

“Thanks.” He says warmly.

“What about your parents, though?” I know Lucas and his parents had always been somewhat distant, but I never thought he would avoid them on the day the world ends.

“They’re stuck in Paris. It’s their 20th anniversary.” He says, a certain sadness in his voice.

“Shit.”

“Yeah. It sucks.” I can hear him trying to keep his voice from breaking, “We called for a while, said our goodbyes and stuff. It was nice. After I hung up it got so…quiet. I couldn’t take it.”

“So you came here?”

“Yeah. This is the only place I wanna be when the world ends.”

“What, my cold ass roof?” I say jokingly, trying to shrug off his clear vulnerability.

“Nah, with you.” He says, simply. Lucas had always worn his heart on his sleeve, he never seemed to have any trouble saying shit like that. Not like I do.

“...So what have you been up to?” I ask after a long moment of silence. Lucas laughs at the question.

“Jesus, it really has been forever hasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I chuckle.

“I haven’t really done much, honestly.”

“Me neither.”

“I think I would have if I had known we would die so soon. I would’ve done something important.” I look over at Lucas, watching the way his hair is blowing in the wind. He’s shivering a bit, so I scoot a bit closer to him.

“I don’t think I would’ve,” I say after a moment. He looks at me questioningly, “I mean, I wasn’t planning to do anything when I thought I was gonna die at 80.”

“Oh come on. You didn’t want to do anything big?” I shrug.

“I take life one day at a time. No impending doom was ever gonna change that.” I say. Lucas hums in acknowledgement and looks back out to the street. We were high enough up to see the rooftops of every house within seven blocks. There was smoke rising out of the chimney of two.

“What do we even talk about?” Lucas asks after a moment of silence.

“I don’t know. Anything, I guess.” I reply. I can feel his arm brush against mine as he wraps them around his knees, drawing them up to his chest, “Got any huge secrets?”

Lucas laughs, too full of joy for a day like this. But it warms my chest. It’s nice to see some kind of happiness. It’s like a small light in a dark, dark room. His laugh subsides and he seems to think for a moment, glancing over at me once before speaking.

“...Okay. Ok, yeah. Yeah, I might as well.” He says, seemingly hyping himself up to admit something. I hadn’t meant it seriously, but I wasn’t going to take it back now. He takes a deep breath before speaking, “I had a huge crush on you.”

“...That's it?” I ask, and he looks at me with furrowed brows.

“What do you mean, ‘that's it?’ That’s a big deal!”

“I mean…sure. But like, I knew that already.” I say simply. Lucas’s eyes widen and turns fully toward me, nearly falling off the roof in the process.

“What do you mean you knew?!” He exclaims, which makes me burst out laughing. He starts hitting me as I clutch my stomach and gasp for air.

“Of course, I knew! It was so obvious!” I say through laughs, “I just never said anything cause I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“You're such a dick. That was a huge deal.” Lucas said, feigning anger. He was trying to make me feel bad, but I could see him holding back laughter.

“...Is that why we stopped being friends?” I say after a moment, coming off much more meek than I would have liked. I had never thought until now that maybe that was the reason Lucas stopped talking to me. Maybe he couldn’t take liking his best friend and not being liked back. Maybe he couldn’t take being around me.

“What? No, definitely not.” He pauses for a moment, “I never really wanted more than what we had. I was perfectly fine liking you quietly and just being your best friend.”

“...Why did we stop being friends?” I ask hesitantly. Pretending you don’t care about something is a lot easier when it's right in front of you, sitting on a roof with you on your last day alive. I was planning to die without knowing why it all changed, but plans change I guess.

“Honestly…I don’t know. I think that's just how it is sometimes, you know?” Lucas says, “That really sucks, doesn’t it? That there’s no reason. That shit like that just happens.”

“I think it would have hurt more if there had been a reason, since it probably would have been something bad.”

“I think this is worse. It’s like…how did that many years of friendship amount to nothing? How did it just disappear like that? I guess it makes it seem like it all meant nothing.”

“It meant a lot to me,” I reply quietly, clearly being more open than I ever have been since Lucas gives me a look I can’t read.

“It meant a lot to me too.” He says with a smile. I’m not as cold as I was before with Lucas’s body warmth radiating onto me. We sit in silence, watching the sun begin to dip below the horizon, painting the sky a beautiful watercolour of purple and orange. At least our last day alive is a beautiful one.

“Okay, your turn,” Lucas says after a bit.

“My turn for what?”

“Tell me a secret!” I roll my eyes, “Oh come on! I told you my biggest secret, you’ve gotta give me something.”

“That was your biggest secret?”

“What is that supposed to mean!?”

“Just that you weren’t very good at keeping it…” Lucas punches me in the arm.

“Are you seriously telling me you have no secrets you want to get off your chest?” He says, pressing me for an answer. I avoid his eyes, sighing as I decide to give in.

“...I’ve never kissed anyone,” I admit quietly. Lucas says nothing for a moment.

“...Really?” 

“Fuck you dude.”

“No! No, I don’t mean it in a bad way! It’s just…surprising.” I raise my eyebrows at him, a silent joke that he somehow understands. He laughs and shakes his head while lowering his legs to hang over the edge of the roof. I do the same.

“That kinda sucks,” I say.

“What does? That you don’t have your first kiss?” I nod, “It’s not a big deal. Lots of people don’t by our age.”

“Yeah, I know. It just sucks that I’m dying without having done it.” I say. I can hear Lucas saying ‘oh’ under his breath. Then he sits up a bit straighter, and I can almost see the lightbulb above his head.

“You don’t have to die without your first kiss though.” He says.

“I doubt any of my neighbours would want to kiss me, dude.” Lucas shakes his head as if what he is implying is obvious.

“Not any of your neighbours, I’m saying I could be your first kiss,” Lucas says with a smile. I look at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. His face drops and he shoves me so hard I nearly fall off the roof, “Shut up!”

“Are you serious!?” I ask in between laughs, only cracking myself up more when I see his face is beet red.

“Yes! I’m just trying to help! It’s not like it would mean anything…” I stop laughing when I realise that he isn’t joking, “We don't have to, jeez.”

“No!” I say a bit too quick and too loud, which earns me an odd look from Lucas. I clear my throat before speaking again, “I mean if you aren’t joking…then sure. Might as well, right?”

“Oh. Yeah, um. Ok.” He says, suddenly hesitant, as if this wasn’t his idea. Neither of us move for a moment, unsure of what to do from here. Lucas turns a bit more towards me, and I follow his lead.

“...You're not doing this because you're still in love with me, right?” I joke. He looks at me like I just ate a bug.

“Ew, no.” He says, which makes me laugh. With a bit of the tension in the air relieved, Lucas starts to lean in closer. I take a deep breath and close my eyes just before feeling the light press of Lucas’s lips on mine. His lips are soft, a bit cold, but soft. It takes me a minute to get over the initial disbelief that this is even happening, and I almost forget to kiss him back. I meet him in the middle and push against him with as little force as I can, trying to mimic what I've seen on TV over the years. Fuck, I really hope I’m doing this right.

Lucas pulls back and I open my eyes as he does the same. We look at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing. We’re holding onto each other in a desperate attempt to not fall off the roof, our laughter so loud I’m pretty sure some birds fly out of the tree in my front yard. After a couple minutes, our howling turns into small chuckles as we both catch our breath.

“I probably could’ve died without that,” I say, earning a punch in the arm from Lucas.

“I don’t believe you. You loved it.” He says with a goofy smile on his face.

“...Thanks, Lucas,” I say, trying to make it sound as meaningful as possible. He can obviously tell because he looks at me with a funny look. He’s not used to me being sincere.

“Don’t go falling in love with me, you’d be a couple years too late.”

“You wish.” We fall into a comfortable silence, our shoulders pressed together and our legs dangling off the roof, “I really missed you, you know.”

“...I missed you too.” He replies with a sad sort of smile, “Sucks it took the end of the world for us to realise that. This is all we get before we go.”

“What if they’re wrong?” I ask. Lucas looks at me sadly.

“We gotta accept it man…there's no point in-”

“I’m not saying that I don’t think we will, I’m just saying what if we don’t?” I say, cutting him off, “Imagine we wake up tomorrow and everything is fine. Do we go to school? Do we cry? Do we throw a party? What happens?”

“...I don’t know.” He says after thinking for a moment, “I guess we cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“If we come to it,” I say quietly. Better not to get our hopes up.

“Right. If.” Lucas says, his voice cold and afraid. I would be lying if I said I’m not scared. I think everyone is. Who wouldn’t be? But right now it doesn’t seem so bad. As Lucas slides his hand into mine, warming it despite the cold, biting air, nothing seems bad.

“Dinner time.” I hear from below me. I look down and see my mother sticking her head out the window, tugging on my foot to get my attention. Her face is red and her eyes are watery, but she's smiling. Me and Lucas smile back.

“Thanks, mom. We’ll be down in a second.” I say, looking back to Lucas after she disappears into my room, “Ready to eat?”

“Oh my god, I can’t wait. I haven’t had your mom's cooking in ages.” He says, starting to climb down opposite to me, smiling brightly as if nothing is wrong, “This is gonna be the best death row meal ever.”