A Place In-Between

I squint through the glare of the sun, bringing my hands up to shield my face. I give in to my heavy lids and close my eyes again. The warmth of the sun and the cool breeze carrying the sweet herbal scent of lavenders surrounds me. As my head spins, I feel my entire body floating through the air, like a dandelion lost in the currents of the wind.

Where was I? I can’t seem to remember what had happened before I fell asleep, my heaviness of my head bringing me back to ground, as I felt the soil beneath my hands. I jack-knife up, my heart racing, as I squint against the sunlight. As the view in front of me came clear, I hold my breath. Gentle hues of various purple shades filled my view, set against the backdrop of a clear blue sky, with lavender flowers stretching endlessly, till the ends of the earth where my eyes cannot reach. I stand up turning a full circle taking in the vast land in front of me. The wafting scent of lavender enveloping me, calming my heart. When suddenly, I feel a tug on my dress.

I scream and turn around, falling back and scrambling away. A little boy with a shaggy black hair with streaks of grey intertwined, squatting on the ground where I just was, smiling hugely at me. “Hello! I’m so happy to see you!” His big brown eyes looking straight at me.

“Who are you?” I gasp.

“I’m Ash, don’t worry, everyone gets confused when they first arrive here. They don’t remember a lot too but it’s ok, we’ve got each other now.” He runs towards be wrapping his scraggly arms aground my waist.

“Wait a minute slow down” pushing him away. “I don’t know who you are.”

He hugs me tighter, refusing to let go, “But I know you, I’m Ash you know me too!”

“No I don’t, let me go.” Both of us struggling against each other. “Where is this place anyway and how did I get here?”

“I was roaming the fields when I saw you, and then I found you isn’t it great?”

“Fields? Where are we? I can’t… I don’t remember how I got here.”

“Oh this is the lavender fields! There’s a forest just there and beyond that there’s more exciting places! Come come, let me show you!”

He bounce up and down, tugging at my dress, urging me along.

“Uhh” I swayed, disorientated by my overwhelmed senses.

Before I knew it, he races off.

“Why do we have to run! Slow down!” I shout, starting after him, not wanting to be left alone.

Why was this feeling so familiar? Although I’ve never knew any kids his age, this strange boy seems oddly familiar.

He runs through the lavender fields too quickly for a little boy, while I struggle to keep up. And soon we came to the edge of the fields, and the entrance of the forest appears. I slow down, moving my eyes up to the looming trees and its thick lush greens. Mist floating through the lush overgrown ferns and the rays of sunlight peaking through the canopy of the large oak trees. I turn back to look at the lavender fields, wondering why I had I missed this, I only saw endless lavenders when I woke up, how was there suddenly a huge looming forest?

I walk tentatively in to the woods, as the cool damp air hits my face, the sounds of the winds fade into heavy silence, like a sleeping giant. I treaded through carefully afraid to disturb the forest, overwhelmed by its immense strength and enchanting beauty.

“Hey! Where are you!” I whisper loudly.

I yelp as he pops up next to me, “I’m right here! Come I’ll show you the stream!”

“I don’t want to see some stream, I want to know what’s going on! Damn it!” I curse as he races off again. I stare at the back of his shaggy head, the waves of black and grey bouncing as he runs, and the wave of nostalgia and familiarity hits me again. Wringing my heart, bring up a longing sorrow from the past. A past which I had tried so hard to bury. I follow after him, him combing through the forest with such agility and grace, and there I was, floundering through the tangled roots and slippery moss. Before long, the sound of running water reached my ears, reminding me of my sudden thirst as I rush ahead. Upon seeing the stream, I drop myself down, using my hands, lifting the water to my mouth, drinking deeply. The water impossibly crisp and refreshing, flowing down my throat, cooling my frustration. Ash drops down next to me dunking his face into the stream, drinking.

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, “That’s a weird way to drink.”

“Really? I thought this would be a better way, why you you use your hands?”

I look down at my hands, “I don’t know either, I find it easier this way.”

He continues dunking his face into the water and drinking and I splash my face with water, enjoying the cool sensation.

“Hey um Ash?” I look at him uncertainly, “how do I know you?”

“From long time ago, don’t you remember?”

I stare into his big brown eyes, trying to identify what I find so familiar about him.

“But I don’t know any boys your age. Did I meet you here? What is this place?”

“This is the forest! I love this place! It has so many things to explore and it smells exciting!

“Yeah, I know we are in the forest, but what is this place? Which country? Do you know?”

He stares back at me with his big brown eyes, absolutely clueless but attentive.

“Great, of course a kid doesn’t know as well” I mumble under my breath. “Anyway, thanks for showing me around, but I’ll make my own way from here. You should get back to your family. I’m sure they’re worried.” I got up starting to head back to where I came from when suddenly traces of voices start coming from deep within the forest.

People! Maybe I can find out where we are!

“Wait, I don’t have parents! Please let me come with you please!” He grabs onto my waist, his teary eyes locking with mine.

“You’ve lost your parents? You’ve just been roaming around alone?”

“Please let me come with you!” He whines.

“But I can’t really have a kid sticking with me” I twist uncomfortably away from him. Maybe he’s needy because he doesn’t have parents?

“But we need to stick together!”

I feel my heart twist and I give in “Alright, alright. We’ll go together.” And so we both head into the forest once again.

The voices echoes through the stillness of the forest, bouncing and fading into different directions. Ash's back stiffens as we follow the voices and I can almost see his ears perk up to listen for the sounds. The voices starts getting clearer and louder, but a sense of dread crawls over me. Along with the voices I was hearing, there were loud popping sounds echoing, sounding like gunshots.

I grab Ash, pulling him behind a tree.

“Shh, something is not right.” I whisper.

“Ohh I like your hugs, they’re nice.” and he curls into me.

“Quiet, they’re coming!”

A group of 5 boys run by, Their booming voices distorting the tranquility of the forest, their ignorant steps tramping on the foliage. They each hold whips, swinging them against the trees, striking them as they pass. Creating enough chaos that the forest quake with anger, the winds coming through the forest rousing the air as though trying to chase them out.

A shiver passes through Ash as he peeks from behind the tree.

“Oh it’s them, they’re not very nice.”

I look over to him, “You know them?”

“They are the vengeful ones, they roam around looking for the ones who have abused them in the past.” He cowers further into me. “They haven’t found them yet, and so their anger has built up over time and they go around destroying the forest and prey on people that comes across them.”

I peak over, picking out one of the boys that seemed like the leader other little gang, tall and gangly with dark wild feral eyes. Which were now staring right back at me.

“Run!” I shouted at Ash, both of us leaping out from our hiding positions, Ash effortlessly glides through the forest while I clumsily try to avoid the dense roots and bushes, trying my hardest to push off the soft ground. The boys tailing us closely. I look back, to see them laughing and chasing, moving with the same ease as Ash, like they knew the forest inside out.

With each new twist and turn, the forest lay perfectly in their grasp.

I turned back to focus only to come face to face with an old oak tree almost the size of a building. Going too fast to slow down I shut my eyes bracing for the collision against its strong body before rebounding off, landing flat on the ground. I watch the canopy of the trees, weaving between each other and the blue sky, and I start to remember. That time I was running from something as well. Running away from that responsibility, that memory, and I guess I have finally hit a wall, or this tree. I chuckled then I passed out.

I groan, my head was splitting with the ringing in my ears. I must have hit it pretty hard to have passed out. I curl to my side trying to cradle my head and opened my eyes to see that blasted huge oak tree in front of me.

“You’re one of those abandoners aren't you?”

I freeze and immediately turning to press my back into the tree. The boy with dark eyes was leaning across the opposite tree, twirling his whip in his hands, his gaze sharp and piercing, and no less feral from when I locked eyes with him.

“What?” My mind still jumbled, unable to form a coherent thought.

“I can sense you are not one of us, you are an abandoner, how did you come to this place?”

“Huh. Abandoner? What is this place?”

He strides over lifting me by the collar, “I have searched for a long time and no abandoner has come here, this place is the place for the abandoned, and you are not one of us so for the last time, how-oof!”

The boy flew to the grow with Ash wrestling him down. His small frame moving quick and sharp, like a beast, his eyes wide and fierce. Growls start erupting from the tousle and I stare at both of them uselessly. Finally, the boy screamed, “Get away dog!” Kicking Ash off him.

Ash flies off him with a yelp, and runs to me.

“Hey stop it, he’s only a child!”

The boy flashes his eyes over, “That is no child, that is a dog.”

“Come on he is obviously a little boy, no more than 10 years old! Are you blind?”

“No, you are the one who is blind. You are not one of us, you cannot see our spirits, he is a dog, or was a dog, that was abandoned long ago. We all can see each other, what we were before we came to this place.”

I look down at Ash, his head barely reaching up to my hips, standing protectively next to me cradling his ribs.

“Abandoned? Dog? I’m an abandoner? Ash?” I repeat his name, as if calling him for the first time. My head starts swirling when he turned his brown eyes up to me. I see the silhouette of a memory from long ago. When I first picked him up as a little puppy. Me looking down at him, and his same brown eyes looking up at me, with anticipation and excitement. And the same silhouette fades into years later, when I had to leave him, his expression filled with bursting affection and loyalty, unsuspecting and trusting, clueless that that would be the last time we will see each other.

“It’s you?” I hear my voice tremble.

“I think so, I just know that your spirit looks familiar, like family, and we are suppose to be together.”

The boy smirks, “I see so he’s the one you’ve abandoned.”

My eyes widen and I crumple to the floor.

I stare at Ash again, “How long have you been here? Since I left you?”

“I don’t know, time passes differently here. I’m even in a different form. I just know that I’m waiting for someone.”

He squats and rest his hands on my lap, exactly like how he used to do.

“He’s one of the lucky ones then.” The boy adds, his eyes turning soft and envious. “I’ve been here a long time, and I’ve heard stories that once in a while, an abandoner would come here to reclaim what they had left behind long ago.” He looks off deep into the woods. “If you stay here too long, the vengeful part of you will fester and it will slowly consume you.”

“Reclaim?” I look between Ash and the boy. “How do I do that? What happens after? Do we go back to where we came from?”

The boy stays silent, lost in thought.

“Are you a dog too?”

He smirks sadly, “Maybe it would have been better to be a dog. But no I was human, so remember understand clearly what happened to me, I could never forget it, even if I tried to.” His face turns dark and ominous, as he eyes glazes over and starts stalking towards me “maybe I should kill you, since you’re one of them.”

“NO!” Ash shouts taking a step forward, crouching low ready to pounce.

“She left, she’s the one that betrayed you, she didn’t want you, I think she deserves some punishment doesn't she.”

“Hold on, just wait, that isn’t for you to decide.” I start walking backwards.

All at once, Ash pounce as the boy runs towards me, and I do the only thing I knew how to, run.

Hearing grunts and growls from behind me, I take off stumbling over logs and uneven ground, struggling to even keep my feet under me. But I only got so far before I hear a pop and I feel a searing pain across my back as I fall to the ground.

As the whips keep coming, across my back and legs, I feel each strike each getting deeper, prying open my flesh. Maybe this was for the best, this could finally be my punishment, my repentance for Ash, until the end, I was still running away, leaving him behind and once again, I couldn’t do anything for him. I relish each whip that was creating a gaping hole in my body, allowing the guilt that I’ve forget I had seep out, and slowly the pain numbs until I feel nothing. If only physical pain can take that guilt away, how easy will redemption be. And just before I lose consciousness, I wonder, where was Ash.