Forced Reality

Alex sat by the hospital bed, eyes closed, deep in thought. All he could hear in his mind was her laugh. A smooth but high-pitched giggle that cut through all his memories. When they were both very young he tried to impress her by climbing a tree, but ended up ripping his pants, she laughed. When he showed up late to school one day drenched in rain with a mysterious stain on his pants, she laughed. When he told her how he really felt about her, she laughed, but then she kissed him. He couldn't do anything without her laughing at him. But he honestly didn't want to. 

The room was cold, way too cold. Alex didn't dare move though. He was too afraid that if he moved reality would catch him and bring him back to the present, so he kept his eyes closed. He didn't understand why hospitals were so unbearably cold. Doctors delivered their bad news in calm tones, Nurses held screaming children down as they administered shots, and old people shuffled back and forth from the bathroom shivering in their thin hospital gowns. The thought of it all made Alex want to curl up by a warm fire. He didn't flinch though. 

"The air's clean though." He thought to himself, trying to find some redeemable trait for this purgatory. How could it not be with all the chemicals floating around in it? The fact that air polluted with disinfectant was considered cleaner than natural air was funny to him. He didn't laugh though. Not even the crease of a smile could be seen through his face mask. 

With his eyes still closed Alex heard the scuff scuff flat shoes walking up to the door. A slight knock soon followed.

"Mr. Emerson?" The kind voice of the nurse called Alex. He sat for a moment wondering if this voice was just a trick, a way for him to open his eyes and reality to attack. 

He thought about the time when he had sat on the hill daydreaming about his life. He dreamt of where he would go, who he would meet, what he would do. He never considered the most important person in his life was daydreaming right next to him. That was so long ago.

The nurse quietly stepped into the room and walked over to the hospital bed. She appeared to be moving things about. Alex's mind screamed "What is she doing? Open your eyes!" but he didn't stir, not even a little. Her activity grew in noise as she moved more things and used a bit of force to pull something down. All Alex could really make out was the sound of plastic rubbing against her fingers. He figured she was sent here to torture him. Why else would she continue to walk about the room moving things and putting them down in other places. At one point he even heard her adjust the bed settings.

"Just go away." He thought to himself. All this anxiety was reminding him of an argument he had a while ago. Unfortunately this is the one thing he didn't want to think about. 

It was early Sunday morning and someone forgot to put gas in the car. It wasn't that big of a deal. The gas station was like five to seven minutes away-

"Go away!" Alex's mind screamed.

"Mr. Emerson?"

Alex's heart stopped. He wasn't sure if he had said that out loud or not. The nurse walked away from the bed and got closer to him. Her walk was so casual. Alex's skin crawled as he listened to each foot step scrape the floor ever so lightly. There was a moment when she was right in front of him that Alex almost opened his eyes. He was tired of waiting, tired of living this lie, pretending that he was too tired to notice the world around him. He wanted to jump out of his seat and run out of the room screaming, but he didn't. He stayed frozen and the nurse scuffed past him out of the room. Alex couldn't even sigh out of relief for fear of being found out. Instead he let a quiet stream of air out of his nose allowing his heart to continue beating.

When they were driving she was yelling at him for leaving his bag at home. Another issue added onto the pile for the day. In that moment he also let out a quiet sigh. "Can we just get the stupid gas and-"

A loudish knock on the door startled Alex out of this memory and out of his trance.

"Mr. Emerson, sorry to wake you." The firm yet soothing tone of the doctor frightened Alex. His eyes now wide open seemed to shake as he stared directly at him. After they shared a silence Alex realized he hadn't responded to the doctor. He was just sitting like a deer in headlights.

"Mr. Emerson, I don't want to rush you at all today. I've just come to let you know that we have to do something eventually. We can't just leave her here forever."

"Why not?" Alex didn't say that out loud though.

"Nurse Abby said you've been sleeping here for quite some time today. If you need to take a moment outside of this room for a while- get some fresh air, you're more than welcome to-"

All they wanted was fresh air. It's the only reason she got him to leave the house that morning.

"Remember when we used to hike up hills and daydream?" she giggled, "You always fell down and it'd make me laugh."

He remembered all too well as he sat staring mortified at the future looking back at him.

"Mr. Emerson, if you're ready to make a decision all I need you to do is nod."

Alex tried to move his head. He tried to shake it and scream "No!" in the poor doctor's face but he couldn't. 

Instead he remembered when he had finished filling up the tank and made a U-turn back to the house. There was only one intersection he needed to stop at. The fresh green light was so inviting, and the tension in the car was growing. Apparently Alex had made one too many mistakes that morning. One moment she was musing about the past and then she was complaining about the present. If only both of them could see the speeding truck in their future. Alex figured the driver would see the bright red light warning him to stop. He figured he didn't have to be cautious cause he obviously had the right of way. He never thought about how long that truck had been driving, how far the driver had gone to reach this intersection. It wasn't a big truck, just one of those pick-ups by some respected brand. The brakes worked fine, the problem was that the driver was going too fast, and he was so close to getting home, and he had worked all night at the construction zone, and his eyes were being weighed down by time and altogether this driver should not have been on the road... But he was.

Now Alex stood on the edge of his known reality, having to make the hardest decision of his entire life.