Going, Going, Gone.

[Content Warning: This story contains physical violence, drug reference, brief sexual reference, and strong language throughout.]

Sometimes, it's terrific to get your ass beat.

Especially when it comes warranted from your past actions. Someone once said that every action done has a positive or negative reaction. In this case, the response was quite adverse. All things considered, I lay half-lucidly on the hot pavement, blood seeping from my mouth. Bruises and cuts peppered my face like seasoning on a prime cut of meat. The cheers and jeers of the bar patrons were muffled jibber-jabber as I began to pick myself up. Staggering up to my knees and then to my feet. I regained my poise and faced my opponent. I say opponent more along the opposition of an executioner. If you pitted a 21-year-old college student who was madly in love with someone who was dating a 45-year-old ex-marine who had done three tours in the Middle East in a fistfight, I'm pretty sure anyone who had two brain cells would bet their life savings on the marine. And they would be correct.

"Jason! Go low and for the knees! He's top-heavy!"

Ah, yes, the sound of my corner coach, Nathaniel. A half-drunk classmate with a red solo cup in one hand and a joint in the other. My Mickey Goldmill to my Rocky Balboa. Except this prime-time fight wasn't in front of a roaring stadium full of drunken patrons, it was in front of a bar in the parking lot full of intoxicated patrons. And I hadn't even lasted nearly twenty-five seconds into the first round.

"Yeah, go for my legs, kiddo. See what happens."

Richard, the ex-marine with a mouth full of threats and the muscles to back it up too. He sure was having fun playing with his food. I hadn't landed a single hit. Pathetic. I always imagined myself a fit kid, but not that fit. I could hold my own in a fight with someone on the same level as I, but that wouldn't be funny to film and post on the internet for everyone to see. Life thrives on unfairness. And I was deep in the hole betting my last minutes of consciousness all on black. 

"I love her, Richard! She loves me for who I am! I know it!"

I shouted with the passion of a Viking warrior leading his clan into one final battle. I dropped to a crouch and charged, heeding the advice of Nathanial. I could feel it in my blood as my heart pumped pure adrenaline through my veins. I was fighting for the woman I loved. The woman I knew that belonged to me. This was a fight that I was determined to win by any means.

The sound of what could only be described as a log being split in half rang out in my ears as I stopped dead in my tracks, like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming 18-wheeler. I dropped to the ground, twitching and fading in and out of lucidity. Turns out, all you have to do to counter a low grab is raise your freaking knee with the force of a charging rhino. Richard had kneed me in the head like a textbook MMA fighter. A useful tactic, albeit a dirty one, but helpful nonetheless. During my hazy state of mind, I felt my body rise up from the ground and into the air, gripping what seemed like whatever I could hold onto in this perfect storm of a fight. Richard, his bald head burning red hot and sweating from years of combat-induced adrenaline and pure, unadulterated, and unfiltered testosterone that had just been unleashed on this night, was what I was holding onto. He had picked me up.

Oh Boy.

I thought to myself as I stopped ascending. In the blurred vision of my busted retinas and stinging sweat, I spotted her from atop the peak height. The catalyst that ignited this forest fire of an ass-whooping.

"Ruby."

I whispered softly as I sat there, suspended in the air. She was the reason I had found myself in this situation. The reason I was going to die, either metaphorically or, worst case, literally.

"Get ready for a ride, dickhead."

My father always told me nothing in life is worth fighting for more than a woman's love. The woman I loved was too busy fixing her makeup on an outside barstool to care less that her current boyfriend was unleashing an insurmountable amount of pain onto a senior in college. She couldn't care less, and neither did I. That's what I felt was special between us. Opposites really do attract.

Going.

I felt my body become heavy again as I plummeted towards the pavement. I slowly closed my eyes. I had accepted the actions of what I had done and the consequences that accompanied them.

Going.

Peace at last, from the pain I had endured in the name of love. All of this had reached a beautiful climax that ended in broken bones, spilled blood, and two men duking it out for their lady. Like something out of a damn movie. Beautiful.

Gone.

Peace was finally mine.

"Jason, Jason, wake up, bro! Come on, come back to me. I know you're still awake. Your watch shows a heartbeat. Don't crap out on me, bro!"

What? No. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was alive? How? I should have been dead. No way I could have survived a beating like that. This was supposed to be my final deed done right. How could I be so pathetic to not even die with some honor and dignity left in the tank?

"I'm awake." 

I said half-slurred. My lip prevented me from speaking clearly as it was the size of a cut slice of a peach. Swollen and leaking blood, numb to the touch, and burning.

"Dude, what the hell were you thinking? You couldn't just stop to think for two seconds that fighting a guy whose girl you fucked would end badly?"

"I thought I could win it through passion and grit."

"Passion and grit don't accomplish shit if it ain't backed up with muscle, bro! You got your ass handed to you. You nearly died. Someone had to do CPR on you to get to revive you.

"Wait, I nearly died?"

"Richard did CPR on you and got you back to breathing."

How humiliating. Someone nearly kills you and then revives you in the same breath. Absolutely noble of them to do, but humiliating to the person on the receiving end.

"Where's Ruby?"

Nathaniel looked at me like I had just admitted to shooting up heroin in secret.

"Where is- Dude, who gives a shit? That woman ruined your life! And you still give a fuck about her? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Where is she?" I repeated.

"She's in the bar. I'm not letting you go in there, dude. Also, you can't go back in there. You got banned for fighting."

"God damnit."

I moved my jaw around and felt something come loose. I spat out blood, and onto the ground lay a canine tooth.

"Looks like someone ain't chewing steak for a while."

"Phuck you."

"You sound like Daffy Duck with that busted lip. I'm sorry I can't take you seriously." He said with a soft chuckle. Failing to lighten the mood.

"Phuck off."

I was propped up against the brick wall of the bar around the corner, out of sight and out of mind from the bargoers and my assaulter. I wasn't going to bother pressing charges. It would be pointless. After all, I made a mistake, and actions have consequences.

In the distance, high heels clicking on the pavement approached hesitantly. Someone who didn't want to but had to speak to me was coming. Around the corner, she appeared. I looked up, blinded by the overhead lights of the roofed sidewalk. I made out the scantly clad sailor who was the love of my life. Ruby.

"Jason, we need to talk. Now."

Dazed and confused from the recent beating, I felt the words bundle and clutch in my throat. I couldn't force myself to talk. I let out a pathetic grunt and sigh as what I wanted to say slid out like the toppings out the bottom of a burger and onto my bloodstained pants.

"Lady, you got no right talking to my friend after what happened. I ain't letting you cause pain anymore to my best friend here. Now get!"

Ruby grabbed his ear like the mother he had never had and threw him off to the side. 

"I said BEAT IT!"

A reasonable effort on his behalf, but after raising tones, his demeanor slouched to a defeated stray pupped as he whimpered off.

"I'll be in my car then, fucking bitch."

"Yeah, run that mouth again, and I'll kick your ass personally, asshole.

Nathanial went to spew another venomous insult, but I held up my hand, signaling him that I would be fine. After all, I did have a lot of explaining to do.

Ruby sat down next to me. Just like she always did, she offered me a cigarette, even though I told her numerous times I don't smoke. I declined, and she lit one up, blowing out smoke. We went a moment without saying anything. The sound of bar chatter was the only thing that broke the silence. I was the first to speak.

 "Say it, go ahead. I know you want to."

Ruby glanced at me, answering with judgment and silence.

"Say it. I deserve the blood spilled, the missing tooth, busted retinas, everything. Say that you'll fuck me up too. That I should have never met you, never spoken to you, just say- "

"You deserve better, Jason."

I was taken by surprise by the cut-off. She looked at me and took another drag.

"You deserve better than me, Jason."

"Is this why you haven't returned my calls or texts."

"Jason, I am a sick person. Look at me and then at yourself. I am twenty-nine, hooked on heroin, and fuck people for a living. Why in the world are you in love with me?"

"I mean, ever since we spent that night toge-"

"Jason, that was a transaction. You gave me money in exchange for a service. A service I honestly regret. The sex was good, don't get me wrong, and you're a stud in the sack, but way too young for me. And, plus, you lied to me. You said you had done this before when you were still a virgin. I didn't want to be your first, okay?"

We shared another moment of silence. It was painful and awkward. I wanted to say something, but Ruby beat me to the punch.

"You are way better off not hanging around, talking to, or even thinking about me anymore. I look at someone like you and get jealous because they still have a chance. I've made too many mistakes, and I've dug my grave. I'm just riding out my years. You, on the other hand, have a future. You're still a baby."

She was right. I was in love with someone in the wrong place and time. I simply paid for someone to love me. It wasn't genuine, and it would never be natural. At that moment, I didn't know who was more fucked up. 

"Jason, listen to me; I will give you something many people don't get."

I looked up at her and wiped away the burning tears in my eyes.

"I'm giving you a chance to walk away. Don't make the same mistakes I did."

Ruby put her arm around me and pulled me close for a warm yet awkward embrace.

"You've got a bright future ahead of you. You're studying medicine. You're going to be a doctor. I just know it."

She put out her cigarette on the ground. Flicking it into the parking lot.

"Who knows. You may end up prescribing my medicine one day. If I live long enough."

My emotions began to get the best of me as I broke down in her arms. Despite her cold demeanor, she still provided just a little comfort, and that's all I needed. She was right in everything. My loneliness had gotten the best of me. I made a stupid decision and paid the price for it.

"You're gonna be okay, kiddo..."

She said, allowing me to rest my head on her shoulder. She kept me in her embrace for what seemed like ages. Time didn't matter at that moment. It was just me and her."

"I have to go."

"Please don't..."

Ruby looked down at me and kissed me on the cheek, leaving behind a smeared lipstick print.

"I promise that you will be okay. We'll go about our boring lives, living the best we can. But not with each other."

"You hate me, don't you?"

"No, I don't hate you. It's just that I don't want you to be a part of my life anymore. Things like this happen, Jason. It's natural for people to end friendships; this could be classified as a business relationship. But I don't hate you. I promise."

After one final hug, Ruby let go of me and stood up, sticking out her hand to guide me to my feet.

"It's going to be okay. Don't worry about me; worry about yourself and no one else. I know being alone sucks ass but trust me, Jason, you're not ready for a relationship."

She was right. If I got attached to a woman after a one-night stand with her, I wasn't ready for the major leagues of dating and relations.

"And besides,"

She said, leaning in closely. Her voice quivered at her words choking in her throat.

"I can't give you what you want or need, baby."

Ruby turned her back to me.

"No hard feelings. I promise, we have a clean slate now. Keep it that way."

She rounded the corner. Heading back towards the bar as it was slowly winding down for the night.

Going.

Say something. Say something. Go after her!

A car pulled off to the sidewalk. Ruby opened the back door and climbed inside.

Going.

Come on, man! She's a ten out of ten! She's your first! She is the one for you!

The door slammed shut, and the car pulled off onto the street, driving further away.

And I will never forget her.

Gone.

The car had vanished, and one by one, the bar attendees had gone to their respective cars and gone home for the night. All expect a blue Lexus. I trudged my way over to the passenger side and climbed in. Nathaniel flicked his cigarette out of the window and started the car.

"Took you long enough. So how was your verbal ass-whooping? Asides from your physical one?"

I said nothing. Nothing needed to be said.

"Fine. Be that way."

I flipped down the passenger visor mirror and examined my wounds that had started to heal. My vision was coming back, my lips were still swollen, and my shirt was stained burgundy. All sorts of blotches and droplets of blood. But one stood out the most.

The one shaped like a heart.