An Unfortunate Demise

Trigger Warning- this short story contains Some Child Abuse Elements, Strong Language and Sexual Content, and Mature Adult Themes.

An Unfortunate Demise

-A Very Happy Fourth to All!

It was the Fourth of July, and no one cared. A few mediocre fireworks were lit, but most of them sucked.

“A small amount of some good taxpayers money wasted!” Aunt Ada shouted at the head of the the teacher’s union. “Some Fourth of July failure this was. The fireworks must be inspected prior to the show. Duh! I need a drink! A velvet martini. Now.” She said as she snapped her fingers. Aunt Ada was on the leadership board for the church’s Kindergarten through fifth grade program. It was a privately funded school, and punishments were given to the students that required them. With handwritten permission from the parents- the school could do no wrong, and Jake had cheated on his test.

“Count!” Shouted Aunt Ada. She was always shouting. “Count.” She said as she took a breath.

“Forty-six, forty-seven,” then she smacked him again with a thick leather belt that could never fit through any normal belt loops. Smack!

“Aunt Ada! Can we stop at fifty? Please? I’m bleeding.” Jake begged.

“Oh, I think we’d better make it fifty-five. Don’t you? Now, keep counting.”

“FORTY-EIGHT!”

-Jake and His Gang

This was not exactly a rough part of the neighborhood. There were only gunshots heard on holidays, and during gay pride month.

Soon, Jake would be in the fifth grade. He would soon break free from the bitches that be holding him down. Aunt Ada wanted him to be held back a year just to get more funding for her failing art program. Bitch!

The gang had a mere eight members, but two of them were in high school. Strangely, they all had the same book on their reading list- Richard Connell’s The Most Dangerous Game. One man hunts another. Terrifying! A winner! They would all sit down around their campfire, and take turns reading aloud the dark, short story. Regardless of the age differences- the boys got along great. If one member wanted to cut someone- all were in! Fun stuff! Hip-hip-hooray! Let’s go cut a motherfucking slut!

Life can always be cut short by unforeseen circumstances. What if Aunt Ada had met an unfortunate demise? Could Jake’s gang pull it off? Cover it up? Uh-oh, here we go!

-Aunt Ada

Once a little, rich bitch- always a little, rich bitch. Aunt Ada was no aunt at all. She suffered many miscarriages before she blamed and bludgeoned her husband, and hid him beneath the wine cellar. She blamed him for the losses, and they were quite painful experiences, but to bludgeon? Huh? You think you gonna get away with that, huh? No way. Today is the day that you pay!

-Commupense Mothafuckers

“You done bludgeoned your husband, and, did I understand right that you desiccated his adrenal glands, so you could grind them up, put them into capsules, and take them daily to help with your own adrenal issues? Did you do this, Aunt Ada?” Jake asked as his gang stood idly by. No answer. “Did you do this, Aunt Ada?” They really did not bind her too hard. They gave her the elderly treatment which included a complementary butter mint! See, kidnappings could be made fun, too! One of the boys thought macaroons would be a nice touch! Yum! I like the pink ones!

“How about this, and not to change the subject, but how about a test? I can give you a test that I created myself. If you pass, then you skip to grade six, and you are out of my hair. No longer my problem, but if you fail, I collect pinky fingers from each member of your gang, and you will start back at grade one. Lord knows you can’t have good penmanship without your pinky finger! What do you think? Should we flip a coin, rock-paper-scissors for it? Go for the test! Do it!” Aunt Ada taunted. Then the boys joined in.

“Do it! Do it! Do it!” They repeated, so Jake accepted the challenge. He even ripped off his shirt, and flexed all of his muscles at Aunt Ada who had seen much, much better.

“You want this? Bring it, biotch!” He said, and it was on.

-Rules

“Rule number one is the only rule- know you have all of the answers for this test revolves around you. Now, if I could just get your signature, the timer shall begin. Five questions. Five minutes. How old are you, again?” Aunt Ada asked Jake. The boys were all on the edge of there seats. One even pissed himself.

“Nine.”

“Very good. Now, sign.” And he did. “Would you like something to drink?” Asked Aunt Ada.

“No, I’m good. Let’s get this shit over with! Come on, Aunt Ada! My boys be thirsty, though. Why you not offer them a drink? Huh?” Jake did not stutter, but Aunt Ada did.

“Umm, uh, do you have a preference as to written or spoken questioning?”

“Nope.”

“Then an oral exam will be the quickest, and we will all be on our ways. Sound good, boys?” Aunt Ada asked her small crowd, but they just stared at her. “Alright, the timer is set. Question one- “Name your favorite past-time, please?”

“Drawing! I like to draw!” Jake replied.

“Now, Jake, this won’t work out well for you if you are not honest with yourself. What I know is that you began masturbating eight months ago in the gym locker rooms. You know it. I know it. Now, they know it. It was seven to eleven times a day thanks to your pathetic parents never putting you on any OCD meds. So, I’ll give you one pass as that must’ve been hard for you. So, is masturbation your favorite past-time, Jakey?” She asked, belittling.

“Yes.” And the gang all laughed while one member randomly blew up condoms, and set them off like paper airplanes. The youngest member even said out loud,

“You got some crazy penis problems, dawg. Get it together or imma ball tap yo ass!”

“Fuck, question number two, did you know that I have it in writing from your parents that I am to do what I must to mold you into the man your parents want you to be? It’s a simple question- yes or no?” She asked.

“Uhh, I guess I know that you can punish me as you see fit. Yeah, I know that’s something ya’ll enjoy doing a lot of.”

“Be quiet! You will watch your tone, young man, or we shall break for more swats! Question number three! Are you aware that I have your psychiatric, blood, urine and school test results- all of which have been shared with your parents who are quite worried about your wellbeing, and at the age of nine, you should really begin to watch your health. Stop smoking. Drinking, except for the occasional wine. So, go on now boy! Answer the question. Did you know?” Aunt Ada acted as if she had done this before, but in some other realm in time. As if she were some crusty, old witch that lived in a cave in ancient mythology.

“I, I didn’t! I had no idea! Are they going to send me away?” Jake began to cry as the boys that watched giggled. Who needed fingers, right?!

“Question four! Then you do not know what is in store for you tonight?”

“No, Aunt Ada! I want to go home!” The boys all chuckled, and the one who peed himself before- peed himself again, but he did not care. Degenerates.

“Then, finally, question five. Did you know that I can read thoughts? An unfortunate demise?! For me?! Never! Do you know what your parents want? Euthanasia! To kill you dead! Fifth grade? Sixth grade, and so on? In your dreams, Sweetie! Now, answer the question.”

“Which one?”

Aunt Ada let out a frustrated cry.

“You were gonna kill me tonight, weren’t you? You were going to kidnap me, and bury me with my husband in the wine cellar that… really is quite nice? It costed about $21,000!” She said as she laughed hysterically. “After all that I have taught you, and these crumby boys…” they just giggled. “why? Why have you all turned out this way? Was it the pathetic fireworks? Those can be redone! Was it repeating a year? What?! Oh, I know, you’re lonely. You need a mother’s care, huh? Come, sit next to me? Sit right here. Take off your tie, please?”

“Aunt Ada, that’s more than five questions, so that’s gonna cost you five fucking fingers.” Jake said as he finally revealed his knife. Then he chopped, and he chopped, and then he stabbed Aunt Ada in the chest. He then ripped off the leg of his chair, and he bludgeoned the bitch just like she had done her old man.

One of the boys even said as he watched,

“Damn! This muthafucka for real, yo!”

-An Unfortunate Demise

Pansies and Snapdragons were her favorite flowers, but, instead, Aunt Ada got lilacs at her memorial service that did not receive many visitors. It smelled beautifully, but the flower’s fragrance made those with allergies sneeze, so the lilacs were tossed over the cliffside along with Aunt Ada’s ashes, and she was mourned never more.