A simple shadow ( Trigger warning: Attempted suicide)

It's dark, but I'm not afraid. It's cold and bitter, yet I feel at home. I can hear a piano gently playing in the background as if someone was tapping the keys ever so softly. I hate it here. It feels lonely. I feel alone. There is something in my hand. It's heavy and oddly shaped. My eyes are closed, but I have no will to open them.

The piano is still performing. I don't think it will stop. It makes me feel a bit safer, but this object in my hand is more fighting. I'm beginning to feel scared but ready for something. Why am I ready? What am I ready for? The answers are so close yet so far away. It hurts like a stab wound to the chest. This clueless feeling is torture, but I think I understand the object a bit more now. 

It's the thing I'm ready for. The thing I'm so afraid of. The thing makes me submissive to it. The piano finally stops playing. I think it's time. I know it's time. I'm shaking, but I won't hesitate. I raise the object to the temple of my head. I decided to count to ten. One… Frightful tears are trickling down my cheek. Two… Panic starts to set in, yet I don’t scream. Three… Question question, all I have are questions.

Four… It’s too late to stop. Five… I wish the piano would play again. Six… It’s dark, but I’m not afraid. Seven… I’m not afraid. Eight… I hate it here. Nine… It feels lonely. Ten… I am alone. I slowly pull down on what seems to be a trigger, but I stop when a hand grabs the object from out of mine. 

I gently lower my hand confused, but relieved. Oddly I still desire to pull the so-called trigger, but the comforting hand of another person relinquishes set desire. I can still feel the tears, but they’re different from before. They seem safe instead of broken. They seem joyful instead of mournful. The person embraces me. 

It’s warm and soft. Not cold and sour. It’s still dark, but I’m going to be okay. This place I’m in doesn’t feel as lonely, and for once, I’m truly not alone. I hear the piano start to play again. So soft and comforting I just want to drift off into sleep. I get the courage to open my eyes. It’s still dark except for one little area.

A beam of light sprinkling over a shiny black piano. As I move towards it, the music gets lighter and softer. My mind erases any thought It ever had. I’ve never heard anything so elegant. I see what seems to be a shadow taping the keys, and I simply grin. I recognize the shadow and its warmth. I’m at ease until I see the object from the corner of my eye. 

My grin shifts into a sour frown. The object is just resting on top of the piano, taunting me. My body starts shaking as the cold feeling creeps back into my mind. It feels like the walls are closing in as it gets harder to breathe. This intoxicating sensation is eating me alive and makes me fall to my knees.

I stand up, glaring at the object. As the shadow continues to play. I wish everything would just stop. As I reach for the object, I hesitate, then glance at the shadow. I grab the object. Before throwing it, I stare at the object one last time. I chuck the object to the ground and step closer towards the piano. The shadow scutches over and allows me to sit. 

I sit while giving a slight smile, hoping that I would never feel that horrible feeling again. The shadow began tapping, the keys as did I. Heavy and light. Smooth and rough. We played a symphony so bright so filled with light, yet still dark and mysterious. It felt like the cold and bitter dark has vanished and in comes the warm refreshing light. I close my eyes, simply enjoying the melody. I presume an hour has gone by I and the shadow finish the piece. 

I turn towards the shadow, but it must have disappeared. As I look back at the beam of light, I feel at peace. I feel like nothing can or will break me again. The pain before was unbearable, and the tears were unwelcoming. The silence was grim and hopeless. I sat in darkness for so long that when I got tired, I wanted to end everything. It seemed like an easy way out at the time.

I’m grateful for the shadow. Strangely, I’m thankful for the pain. I am happy with my tears. The shadow I see is on the other side of the piano. I glance at my hand for a second. As I stand up and reach for the shadow, I smile. The shadow lifts its arm and attempts to reach for me. We both just stand there, reaching for each other. I whisper thank you under my breath. The shadow smiles as if it heard me. We both lower our hands and stare at one another.

Then a white beam appears and cuts off my sight. I hear cars struggling in traffic. I hear people screaming and yelling. I feel someone grab my shoulder, but I push away. My eyes appear to be shut again, and I'm terrified of what's around me. I finally get the courage to open my eyes. When I do, they instantly fill up with tears.

I'm on an edge of a building, staring at something so beautiful and delicate. The breeze brushes against me, and I'm in awe. The colours everywhere amaze me. Everything around me is just so elegant and gentle. I feel free. I turn around and see a person smiling. As I step off the ledge, the person instantly embraces me.

I recognize this warmth. It's the shadows. As surprised as I am, I'm also relieved.

Thank you. Thank you for saving me!