Molly's Diary

September 25,2017

Molly, that's me. I guess you could say I've struggled with the idea of my life. I've never been close to my family and experienced a crap ton of abuse from "friends". And thanks to all of those soul suckers in my life, I'm struggling with self harm, severe anxiety, and anorexia. Granted there's more that's wrong with me but ya know. It's just easier to talk about how many fingers I have than freckles. If that makes any sense. Anyway I'm gonna try and update you on my progress. If there is any.

No crap given,

Molly

December 18, 2017

Well well, guess who actually feels happy today. After what seems like a life time, my dad finally kicked me out of the house. Now you might think that's a bad thing. OH HECK NO!! I've been patiently waiting for my parents to get sick of me and kick me out. They found out that I was looking at apartments hours from them and apparently that's a big "NO" in their eyes. Even though they hate me, they're always forcing me to stay at home. Why? Well I don't care anymore. I have just enough money to pay the first two months for the apartment. And I'll get on welfare until I get a job. Ugh I'm finally seeing change.

Merry hecking early Christmas,

Molly

February 14, 2018

Sorry not sorry it's been a minute since I've written anything. Hell went down after I got my apartment. Yes I got a good job and some friends. However, my new friends are upset with me because I didn't show up to work for a couple days. When they found me, I was on my bathroom floor covered in cuts.

I was doing okay for the longest time. I found great friends, ditched my family and old friends. What the actual heck did I do wrong??????

They also got super ticked at me when they found out I hadn't eaten in 10 days. I feel awful about this. This is the first time I've actually wanted to get clean from myself. Problem is, I don't know how.

I need help,

Molly

February 21,2018

I didn't think my friends still cared about me anymore. But, they actually helped me checked into therapy. I have to stay in a 3 month program at this weird house to get my food intake up and my cutting down. I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I feel loved but hated at the same time. I don't understand how my friends care so much for me that they are begging me to let them help me.

I hate my head. But I promised that I would comply with the rules and try and be positive for once. Haha like that's gonna happen. I mean. "Yes this will be FANTASTIC!" eww, that hurt my brain to fake that. I don't know why. I'm used to faking it.

Anyway, I'm not gonna write while I'm at the therapy house. I just need to talk out my problems than keeping writing it down.

See you in 3 months (I hope),

Molly

May 30, 2018

Hey, I can't believe I made it out of that house of horrors. Don't get me wrong it helped me so much. But it was scary to see people there like me. Some had been living at the house for years. I can't imagine what they're going through.

Anyway I'm happy to say that I'm now eating 2 meals a day, including snacks. And I haven't been self harming since I got to the house. Let me tell you that this wasn't easy. I felt like hell for the first month and a half being there. But I kept thinking of my friends wanting to see me succeed in getting better. So I did. I'm still weak and feel depressed. But my graduated house mates told me that's normal.

I'm not gonna write for awhile. I wanna live life for a while. And I want to find the positive of living outside of the therapy house.

Write in a while,

Molly

December 25,2018

Well well well, long time no see. I'm happy to say that I'm not the girl I was 7 months ago. I've been clean from self harm and my anorexia for seven months. Sure, I still feel tempted and depressed if I don't fill those desires. But I'm just taking it day by day. Who knows, maybe next month I'll stop getting these thoughts. I really hope that's the case.

I haven't heard from Mom and Dad. But honestly it's okay with me. I wrote to them a couple times in therapy, but they never responded. But that's okay. I have my friends support. I've been looking back on my others writings and man I've changed. My world used to feel so dark. And now, my world looks so pretty. The sky is bluer than I remember. I actually looked in the mirror the other day and liked how I looked. It's strange. But, I like it.

I'm going to keep this progress up. I want to feel like this forever. I love friends my home. And most importantly, I love myself. And that's the biggest change that I've ever seen.

Love,

Molly

Feburary 16,2019

I can't believe how happy I feel. I never thought my mind would feel so clear. I've realized that what I was doing in my past were temporary pain relief habits. And in actuallity, not only did they cause me pain. But they also caused pain for the people around me. I never want to fall back into the pit I had put myself in for so long. But if I do. I know I have my friends to help me get back up. However, they can only put me in the right direction. It's my choice whether or not I want to change.

I want to do my best to not only help myself, but help others who are in a similar situation I was once in. It helped me to know that there are people out there like me. It made me feel less alone in my head.

Anyway, I just wanted to say for the last time. I'm doing great. And I pray that I keep making progress. That I love myself and my friends more and more each day.

Love yourself,

Molly