Didact in the Playhouse, or I'm Game

NOTE. One mention of a body part.

We act and play in simulated realities but not for keeps. Thus no urgency even though on the world's stage, "Let's get outta here" is arguably the most frequent line spoken. So from this mark to the next on today's, or this evening's, stage we act or are acted upon; and it doesn't matter whether we have confidence and command of our lines or feel our wordless cameo appearance but irrelevant fluff. Or does it?

With that prologue, attend.

"We’re running out of time," Janie said to Alice. "We've got a babysitter to rescue." Janie gave her husband a look to concur.

Alice, after checking if he was still there, said "Okay, give me a sec."

"He's cute, not a knuckle dragger I don't think. What's to lose?"

Alice said she could die, to which Janie replied, "At your age, premature. Just give him a line and he'll say something then off you go. Break a leg."

Janie stood silent. "Try a little brash, sassy or something. Go. We'll wait till it looks like you've hooked him."

Alice took a silent, deep breath, shrugged in recognition that what she was about had little promise of success and walked towards her prey? No, not so much that as perhaps a subject for play, or was it lust?

"Got a sure-fire line for me?"

Her target had his back to her, but he heard something, turned and asked, "Sorry, you say something?"

Alice almost audibly, "That won't do." She raised her voice. "I said do you have something you want to say to get my attention? You know, get me to talk to you, like pick me up or something."

Calmly his reply came. "Umm, you're talking to me already."

Alice didn't miss this beat. The following scene ensued.

ALICE: Want to play the game or should I go?

TARGET: I would like to taste the flavor of what's on your lips.

ALICE: Nice but not good enough. Try again.

TARGET: You don't look your age.

ALICE: Something else? How am I supposed to take that?

TARGET: You're wearing bobby socks. Makes you look young. My mom still wears 'em like in her teens, dates her.

ALICE: Wait. So you're telling me I am older because my socks make me look younger? Or the other way round. Or, or what? I'm not sure what you mean.

TARGET: No good, huh?

ALICE: You're supposed to flatter me or something.

TARGET: There are rules? The object according to you is--

ALICE: Yes but this is not how it's supposed to go.

TARGET: You started it.

ALICE: I guess I can give up.

TARGET: I like it when tall girls threaten short men.

ALICE: I didn't mean it like that. You're not short, are you?

TARGET: I'm sitting on a stool and you're standing over me, which I like. There's a start. Wanna play dominatrix . . . kid?

ALICE: This really isn't--

TARGET: Okay start over.

ALICE: Got any clever words for a girl who really wants to talk to you but is really, really feeling irrelevant right now? (Pause) What's the matter? Now you say something.

TARGET: I'm thinking.

ALICE: Hey, you could . . . say something. This is supposed to be snappy, spontaneous, funnnn.

TARGET: Okay a minute. Naughty?

ALICE: Naughty would do.

TARGET: I would like to kiss your left nipple.

ALICE: I don't have one.

TARGET: That was clever.

ALICE: No, really. I don't have one.

TARGET: Show me.

ALICE: Game over.

TARGET: It was just getting good.

ALICE: No. Too naughty.

TARGET: I give up. You keep coming up with rules after I break 'em.

ALICE: Don't give up. We can start again. What's your sign?

TARGET: My name is Brad.

ALICE: I said sign, dummy.

BRAD: Just cutting to the chase. What's your real name?

ALICE: Alice, and I'm a Virgo.

BRAD: Really? I didn't think virgins--

ALICE: Sounds risky again. Do you treat all your girlfriends this way?

BRAD: Now we're making progress.

ALICE: I meant are you always so difficult?

BRAD: This is like the beginning of our first argument. First we meet, have a little chat, exchange names, jump into a relationship and now this. That's progress.

ALICE: Naughty, quick. Fooled me from over there. But now I think you should buy me a drink or something.

BRAD: Your place or mine?

ALICE: Brad, I'll have the same as you. And that drink--when I get back or playacting's over. I have to visit a mirror and say bye to my friends.

BRAD: That a threat or promise? about games.

ALICE: Promise sounds nicer. But you don't know if I'm nice or . . . yet. Could be naughty, depending.

BRAD: I'm betting nice. All my friends are nice.

Intermission. Although it seems more than familiar, this scene disguises. Lines delivered appear to reveal but at the same time hide what we would know. What we can see and hear carries more, more than we can consume in the succession of moments, because most plots move apace with little reflection.

Thought experiment: If we found ourselves in such a situation, would we be conscious of our own full import and export? Forget it: just an aside signifying nothing.

ALICE: I was thinking. A girl kind of wants to be romanced a before you get into, you know, personal questions. You're a mystery but not very romantic.

BRAD: I'm a guy. Guys think about sex or nothing. If you ask for an off-the-top response, that is what you'll probably get.

ALICE: I know.

BRAD: So is there a problem?

ALICE: No. I'm back, aren't I? Do I have a drink?

BRAD: I ordered but you'll have to threaten the waitress.

ALICE: I'm not really serious about threatening anyone. It was just part of . . . whatever.

BRAD: Are we still playing?

ALICE: Doesn't feel like it. Would you like another crack at playing?

BRAD: Not right now. I like to take things slower, I guess. You?

ALICE: How many girlfriends do you have?

BRAD: Only you.

ALICE: Game again?

BRAD: No, dance. Dancing is more like truth. Games are somehow not real. Fun, but not real.

ALICE: Okay. How many girlfriends?

BRAD: I said only you, but that really isn't true, is it? We just met.

ALICE: You're right. I hate it when someone else is right. I guess I started it. Almost turned into a fight. But I only left for a little while, to check the, um, mirror. Doesn't have to end this way.

BRAD: No. What did you see in the mirror?

ALICE: I think I saw a girl with a chance. A chance for something. Something more than she's had, more than she deserves? So I took a chance. Am I wrong?

BRAD: But you don't know anything about me.

ALICE: Tell me then.

BRAD: Well, I have a lot of girl friends but no girlfriends. I'm a geek. Computers. I come here to have a bite and relax. If I don't, my diet goes to hell.

ALICE: Smart, disciplined, sounds good.

BRAD: Yes, and I'm okay with it, me. I like what I do, how I manage. So what do you do?

ALICE: I come to places like this and try to meet guys like you.

BRAD: I don't try to meet guys.

ALICE: That could mean--

BRAD: Yes, I'm quiet and private.

ALICE: Sounds boring. What about reaching out, spontaneity?

BRAD: You saw what comes from spontaneous.

ALICE: I see your point.

BRAD: Your job, really.

ALICE: I work for a magazine. Proofreader, no less and no more, unfortunately. But I don't always talk correctly.

BRAD: Do you usually say what you mean?

ALICE: Sure. Except when I try to--

BRAD: Pick on guys like me.

ALICE: No. Pick up guys like you.

BRAD: And this is really how you spend your time? picking up . . . I mean other than sleeping, eating and editing?

ALICE: Not editing. I wish. That's what I meant about nothing more.

BRAD: Then tell me about career ceilings and all of that.

ALICE: Let's dance. This is nice music. You like music?

BRAD: No.

ALICE: But you can dance?

BRAD: Teach me. Guys like girls to lead.

ALICE: Okay, Guy. Come on.

Brad went the men's room mid-lesson, and Janie asked what he was like. Alice said she couldn't tell.

JANIE: He can't dance.

ALICE: No, but that's not everything. He's cute. He always seems to have something else on his mind. I don't know. He talks non-sequiturs.

JANIE: I don't have to guess what's on his mind. So you'll be here when he gets back from the loo. We're about to go. You're not going to bolt?

ALICE: No, I'll be here. I still have this drink he's going to pay for.

JANIE: Mercenary. But see, you're hooking--.

ALICE: All's fair, but two ships passing. In fact we're just playing around.

JANIE: You the speed-dater only slower about it.

ALICE: You know me. I don't think I'm a predator exactly.

FRIEND: Eat or get eaten.

ALICE: This is nothing about survival. It's all irrelevant. Not even talking about real stuff.

JANIE: Well have fun. Girls' night out, nothing serious.

ALICE: I kind of like him, though. I don't know why.

JANIE: Time to find out. Here he comes.

ALICE: Stay here a moment.

JANIE: We gotta go soon. Give me a signal.

ALICE: It's not like that, yet.

JANIE: He's more than cute. But can he read and write?

ALICE: Talking is enough to start.

JANIE: I could think of--

ALICE: Shh.

BRAD: Hello.

JANIE: Hi.

BRAD: Two pretty girls, women. Sorry, you are?

ALICE: Janie was just going.

JANIE: But you said--

ALICE: I changed my mind.

BRAD: Janie. That's a nice name.

JANIE: Thanks. You're Brad. Alice was just telling me.

ALICE: Nothing. Janie has a very jealous husband over there. If he sees her talking to you much longer, he's gonna come over and punch somebody's lights out.

BRAD: I've done nothing.

JANIE: Neither have I. Besides, the old married guy needs an incentive now and then.

ALICE: I give up.

BRAD: So how do you two know--

ALICE: We work together. At the date-rape crisis center. Right, Janie?

JANIE: Yea, umm, right. We see a lot of that stuff 'round here.

BRAD: Date-rape crisis center? Didn't know there was such a thing.

ALICE: Yes. Well, we just got going. We got a grant . . . from a foundation. Yea. I mean yeah!

BRAD: And how did you guys get involved in something like that? I hope not personal experience, as victims I mean. Could be traumatic. I knew a guy who says he got raped at a party.

JANIE: Really? How does that work? I mean you usually think--

ALICE: Yea. We don't see much of that. In fact, I don't think we ever--

JANIE: Yea, but we just started. We just got the grant. Getting the office and crisis line going and stuff.

BRAD: What's the number?

ALICE: 867-5948. Want to write it down? 800 867-5948.

JANIE: No one will answer. There's nobody there. We're not really open yet. (Aside) That's your number, stupid.

ALICE: He won't remember.

BRAD: 867-5948.

ALICE: But you won't need it. Victims call. And girls who are a bit bewildered about what might have happened.

BRAD: Right. Well, I guess I won't be needing your number either.

JANIE: Want mine?

ALICE: Look sharp. Your husband is headed over here. Bye.

JANIE: I guess someone decided I've served my social function. Nice to meet you, Brad. Maybe we'll see you again?

BRAD: Should I call the hot-line to get hold of you?

ALICE: Stop it. Good-bye, Jane.

JANIE: Bye Alice. See you at the, er, office.

BRAD: Seems nice.

ALICE: Yes, very. Now as I was saying--

BRAD: Yes, what were you saying? I had popped off to the men's room. No, we had just finished dancing. Well, I finished before I started. You're pretty good on your feet. I guess running away if there is danger would be pretty easy for you. You know, date rape and weird stuff these days. Stalkers, for example. Best to go to some island somewhere and never come back . . .

ALICE: Do you think about things like that?

BRAD: Not seriously. You? Like the date-rape crisis center and all that?

ALICE: No. We don't work there, if there is such a thing.

BRAD: I figured.

ALICE: But the number is good.

BRAD: 800 867-5948.

ALICE: There's no 800.

BRAD: I thought I'd get a free call, if I decided I needed help.

ALICE: Do you think you might need help? for something?

BRAD: I would like some help with a little project I'm doing. My fig pig.

ALICE: Sorry. What?

BRAD: I am making a pig out of fig branches and grape vines. I need someone to hold parts together while I tie them with string and wire. It' hard to do two things at once.

ALICE: Why? I mean why are you making this pig? Is it like a sculpture, or something for school or a competition?

BRAD: No. Just wanted to do something with my hands. Most of the time I'm in my head. You know, numbers and code in front of a computer. It's a nice change. To do something where you can touch the result.

ALICE: Oh. A pig, then. Touch. I see.

BRAD: Kind of a conversation stopper, isn't it?

ALICE: Nooo. But--

BRAD: But you don't know what to say, right? I know it's weird. People have their weird side. What's yours?

ALICE: I'm not making any pigs right now, or anything. I'm . . . I'm talking with you. That is my project right now. And it seems to be going . . . well, going. What else do you do when you are not doing your job or fabricating pigs? Are you into music? No, you told me you weren't. So tell me what.

BRAD: Sounds like a job interview. Are you--

ALICE: No. Sorry. (Pause) I better go.

BRAD: You just went.

ALICE: Not that. I meant--

BRAD: Tell me about you. I'll interview you. I'm looking for a non-profit, altruistic, shy do-gooder. Are you that person? Or? Talk to me.

ALICE: I like it when you do the talking.

BRAD: You're a follower not a leader? I don't believe it. You came over here to pick me up, teach me to dance.

ALICE: Did not.

BRAD: Did too.

ALICE: Wasn't like that.

BRAD: Was.

ALICE: Okay I was trying. How my doing?

BRAD: You like to play games. I know that.

ALICE: Pretty sharp, for a sportsman.

BRAD: You can't keep changing the subject. What sports, for example, do you like to do.

ALICE: Geesh. You're tough. Where's Janie?

BRAD: There walking out the door. You were saying?

ALICE: I do aerobics. That's not exactly a sport. At least I don't think so. And I walk a lot. I love walking actually. Probably doesn't count. Let's see. I like to watch some sports.

BRAD: How about we take a walk then sometime?

ALICE: That would be nice. Won't your girlfriends mind?

BRAD: They won't.

ALICE: How many did you say you had?

BRAD: I didn't say.

ALICE: Well?

BRAD: Jealous already? We just met.

ALICE: Right. You're right again. So what's your number?

BRAD: I have yours.

ALICE: Yes. Right. Okay, then . . . good enough. I better be going. I'm not very good at this. Lack of practice.

So the players played, and on that note of her readiness to quit? and move on, and his sense of an ending, or a beginning, Brad found Alice's eyes looking into his. He said, "We’re running out of time," a sentiment the sound of which was not in the manner of "childish treble, pipes and whistles,"--nerves before the limelight--but more in the feeling-tone of a "wistful ballad made to his mistress's eyes."

The windows to their souls averted in time to arrest a beat awkward between not-yet intimates.

Brad decided to decide: "We can take a walk now." To which she replied, "I don't even know you." Brad said he didn't know her either and added, "I have an emergency number you can call."

Alice, looking down, softly said, "Funny. Funny guy." He then asked her if she was ready, and she said, drawing it out while considering a nothing-something, "Well. . . . . "

BRAD: I guess that wasn't so hard.

ALICE: What?

BRAD: Nothing. Let's get outta here. We need to decide where to go.

Alice looking down again nodded twice then said, "So. Then I'm game."

She then looked up and smiled. Brad seemed pleased and got up from his seat.

We playact in seemingly simulated realities. However, there is urgency. "We're running out of time." So from this mark here to the next there we act or are acted upon. Whether we have confidence and command of our lines or feel our cameo appearance but irrelevant fluff, this choral voice suggests, "Let's not rush outta here." All's well that proceeds and ends well.

With curtain's close there's no re-dos or next performance. The promise of today's is that it's a one-off. If the scene's all too familiar, we still reveal who we are as we say our lines. Alice and Brad have found the bard was not just posing language games but presenting a secret to self relevance.

Or if you will and think all this talk nothing good or bad, have it as you like.