Where the Kingfisher Sings

The winds hummed through those flimsy reaching tendons of trees and brush that frost fleeting eve. Up in the trees, the birds would peck and gravel again at their acorn nests, fixing up the worn out kneaded sticks like they would stay in them forever. The ground below me nestled and scratched as little weasels and voles play in the labyrinth down below, and the vixen hid her kits, safely at home cozy under the shade of the old birch tree roots. All around, action wafted through the trees, the ground, the air, yet here I lay, letting my body stay bare and limp, the chirps and yelps wishing through my ears. My skin tingling from the tacky crawling of ants over my body to the next patch of lush grass. All this hustle and bustling, the skipping of the croaking toad, and birdies swooning, only fed at the ever growing nebula that I would soon have to face… my last kiss to DOE. 

The last time I was with DOE, in that bland ceramic room with walls a dull pink, the bed frame jacked upright which DOE’s upper half sunk into like marshmallows. Against the sky blue blanket that covered DOE snug as a bug, DOE’s flush trembling hands hung like a leaf against the wind, that rung again through the dazzling leaves of the trees, the light infiltrating through the spaces of the leaves like the window that was covered by chloroplast vein curtains. DOE shifted their beaded head, that dragged against the bed pillow like a corroded fishhook, looking at the  sheer curtains, turning back to me.

“Could you move the wings in front of the window.”

I had raised a brow, as a crow cawed,  as I sucked air through my teeth like cold water, “Wings?” I repeated, eyeing back between the curtains and DOE pointing to the window, “The curtains?”

The wind carried the hearty giggles of the little kits. “Yeah. The wings.” DOE giggled, their mouth cracking warmly.

I had laughed, climbing to my edged aching feet, towards the curtains, gently pinching the leafy sheer, pushing them apart as a ball of fire burst through the window vibrantly, forcing my eyes to shut. “Hmm. Wings?” I muttered, as I backed from the window, “Wings.” I said again, looking at DOE, failing to hold back a laugh. “What?” DOE hummed, digging their head into their pillow, their eyes sunken and struggling to stay open against the weight of sleep.

“All these years,” I had started, my dragging feet guiding me back to my seat beside DOE, “I never thought of curtains as wings.” leaning my head against the rail of the bed, the pace monitor beeping in my ear, my cheek digging into the rail.

“Well they open and close, like birds open and close their wings.” DOE stated, raising their hands weakly, swiping back and forth, “See? Wee-woo Wee-woo.” DOE repeated, as we giggled, “Okay. Okay, I see the wings now.” I had chuckled, as DOE laid their hands back down against the snug blanket, and went back to look at the window, as a Kingfisher flew by, singing as it dove towards the nearby lake.

DOE hummed along to the Kingfisher, a hushed melody, before they choked and again lay there in the bed. 

“I’ve always been obsessed with birds.” DOE said.

“Really?” I gasped, “All the times we’ve hiked Yellowstone and you feeding bread to the ducks at the pond? No way.” I had mocked, and DOE laughed, before gasping again, coughing hoarsely.

We were silent for a while, whilst I counted DOE’s breaths like beats of a bird song. “I really wanna go to Yellowstone again.” DOE frowned, as their head hung low like a dangling hook. “Hopefully we can soon. Doctors say you're doing great in your recovery.” 

DOE nodded, their mouth still dipped, “Though, birds must have a helluva view from up there.”

“Hmm…” I nodded, “Maybe.”

“Can you imagine all the sights you could see if we could fly?” DOE asked, turning to me, as their hand brushed warmly against mine. I smiled, wrapping my hand in theirs, rubbing my thumb against their bony knuckle, “They must be awe-striking.”

“All those grand mountain views. The brush and shrub, all under watch, and as the sun rises, the warmth of the bustling red hearth flowing over the land as all the animals come out to play.” DOE rambled, “Then when the sun goes down, the cool waves of night overpass the place to sleep, decorated by the cool light of the moon.” DOE’s eyes grew wide with excitement as they giggled at the thought of such a view.

“Well, I could see if the gang could work out a trip for when you get out.” I soothed, holding DOE’s hand still in mine, “That would be nice.” I smiled.

DOE wryly smiled at me, leaning into the rail next to me, holding my hand closer to their shoulder, as they inhaled shakily, “That would be nice…” DOE smirked that quickly sunk away.

“But… I don’t think-”

“Don’t think that.” I spoke softly, DOE’s lukewarm hand cupped in mine.

“Okay.” DOE avoided, their head pressed against their pillow.

DOE inhaled again, rubbing their thumb against my hand playfully, “I know this is a bad time but… You’ve always been a light in my world.” DOE cooed, and I felt my stomach flutter like I ate a jar of fireflies. “Really?” I asked, chuckling.

“Yeah, really.” DOE giggled, as we both rubbed our thumbs against our hands.

“Wanna know something?” DOE led on, and I raised a brow, leaning my head against the rail. “What’s that?” I replied, smirking, engulfed in DOE’s vibrant smile.

“I wish that I confessed to you that night. The night we went fishing at the lake.” DOE whispered, wryly smiling, the light radiating off DOE’s like a laser, and for a moment I lifted my head, still holding on to DOE’s hand, their face sunk into the cold steel abyss of shame.

“Maybe I was right to not say anything.” DOE muttered, their voice cracking in their throat. “No. No. You’re okay.” I said.

“Clearly not… why would you have that look on your face, if that weren’t the case?”

I chuckled, “Well. I'm hurt…”

“Why?” DOE asked, their brows furrowed and their voice shrunk trying to stay level.

“I’ve had a crush on you since our first hiking trip in highschool.” I whispered, my face buzzing red like a campfire. 

DOE’s eyes glued to mine, searching me, as if waiting to take off like the little birds that flew away as we walked. “Really.” DOE mouthed. I curled their hair back, pressing my head against theirs, “Really, really.”

“Can… Can I kiss you?” DOE murmured, their fingers playfully tickling my hand, and I smiled, “Yes.”

We leaned close, our lips pressed together. It was calm, lively like the hearty cackles of the little kits, prolonging like the serenades of the chickadees and kingfishers chanting throughout the shrub and trees.

We leaned away, staring into our eyes, as I leaned in and peck DOE on the cheek.

We smiled, the smiles you saw on little happy children, laughing like two kids playing cat and mouse before the world caught up with them.

“Phoenix.” DOE giggled, wrapping their free hand around my shoulder, pulling me close.

“Me?” I asked, and DOE giggled further.

“What do you think I’d be?” DOE questioned, smiling, their eyes quivering aiming to stay in line with mine. I hummed a bit, “You… You would be a-”

DOE’s hand fell from my shoulder limply, as my eyes climbed to their eyes, as DOE weakly smiled sorrowfully, “I'm sorry.” DOE murmured, their lips pursing as hard together to get the words out, their hand cupped in my hand felt cold as steel. “DOE?”

DOE didn’t respond.

“DOE?!” I yelled, holding DOE, gently shaking them, waves of burning coals as I cried, “No. No. No, no, no. DOE!” The pace monitor didn’t beep anymore.

That was the last time I saw DOE…

Now I lay here, where DOE and I came to hide from the world, where the birds chirped freely and the animals roamed carefree, all sharing the lake they called home.

“You know DOE?” I croaked, my eyes puffy morsels, every time I went to wipe my eyes.

“I think you knew what bird you’d be.” I chuckled, as I sat up, climbing to my feet, as I sat at the banks of the lake. A Kingfisher soothed its melody across the lake, as it gracefully flew, before diving gracefully into the water’s bosom.