Darkest Before the Dawn

You open your eyes to darkness.

But it wasn’t like any other darkness.  No, it was as if every single tear, every single yell of frustration, and every single thought of evil could be woven into something, that’s what this darkness would be.

A darkness made of something, with no hint of happiness laced into it.

Running around, you look for a way out of this place when your hands hit something cold.  A faint light from above turns on, enough to see only what is in front of you.

Your eyes try to adjust to the sudden brightness, and dark spots dance in your vision for a few seconds.  When your eyes can finally see, you are hit with your own reflection.  

You look at it, confused, not understanding why you were standing in a room with nothing but a mirror in it.

You walk around it and run away, trying to find something that will help you understand where you are.  You heard the small click of the light behind you shutting off, and are surrounded by total darkness again.

You stop and pant, wanting to cry out in despair, but found that you could make no noise whatsoever. 

“Hello, love.”  A distant voice said.

The voice was silky, smooth, and sounded melodious.  It was blurred between feminine and masculine, and was neither deep nor high, but in the middle.

“Are you, perhaps, lost?” It said jokingly.

You turn your head around in wonder, wanting to see the owner of the voice, but find just empty space and abandoned feelings.  Even the mirror from before is nowhere to be seen.

The floor you stand on slightly trembles, as the invisible voice chuckles.

“Looking around won’t help you, love, it will only distance yourself more.”

You try to speak, wanting to ask the mysterious person who they are and what they wanted, but your throat hurts.  It feels as though somebody was holding a thousand small needles and were slowly stabbing them into your throat.

You drop to the floor, and tears run down your face.

While you sob, you hear some noise far away from you.  

Moments later, the sound hovers directly over you, like a roaring waterfall, and your body is drenched with water.

But you pay no attention, instead, you continue expressing your frustration the only way you can.  By crying.

The room slowly starts flooding, as your sobs get louder and louder, in the background.  The voice from earlier tries to be shushing you, but to no avail.  

The water starts to rise past your chest, and your mind realises what is happening around you.  

You get up, trying to swim away, but the water gets higher quickly, until it comes up to your neck in a matter of seconds.

“Help!” You scream, but you knew that no one would be able to hear you here.

A light shines again, and the mirror appears a couple of metres away from you.

Except this time, instead of reflecting your terrified face and actions, it shows you yourself, one that looks like you, but has a completely different aura.

The water rises above your eyes, and you start kicking to keep yourself aloft.

Your reflection smirked at your state, seeming to pity you, then opened its mouth, to reveal the voice that had spoken to you before.

“Why do you continue to lose yourself in a flood of unnecessary thoughts?”

You stopped kicking for a second, making a mistake.

The water tugged you downwards, but your reflection in the mirror (which was anchored to the ground) followed you.

“Why do you let people, people who have never, and could ever, live in your life for a second, break you apart?  All with a few words?”

Your lungs burned, desperate to get some oxygen, and you choked on the water.

“Why do you believe them, when you know well that they are wrong?”

You kicked and struggled, wanting to get back to the surface.

“If they know nothing of your dark, what right do they have to tear away your light?”

You feel the need to suddenly cry, wanting to go back safely, but you know that you won’t be able to do it.  No, you had to drown here.  You had to drown in these mysterious waters, in a dark room, with your reflection talking nonsense to you.

What if it isn't nonsense? Some part of your brain whispered to you.

You straightened, wondering if the enigmatic reflection before you was giving you clues on how to get out.

“I know what you’re thinking.  I always have.  I am you, after all.”

You swim towards the mirror, your lungs not burning anymore, and able to breathe perfectly in the water.

Your head spins as it tries to figure out what the reflection is trying to say.

“Poor, poor, you.  Have you realised what I am? Or have you not?”

You stared it, frozen, not moving the slightest, when the person opened its mouth again and said, “It’s me, the one who has been watching out for you all this time, trying to tell you that you are the most perfect thing in this world.  Because love, you matter more than anyone else.”

You watched it closely, trying to process what was being said, when you croaked, “Me?”

The reflection nodded, and the water started to lower, as though it were being drained.

“You try to give up at the slightest things, while I’m here, comforting you, protecting you, being there with you, and you try to leave me?”

Your feet hit the damp ground, the water all drained, and you teared up.

“Don’t ever leave me again, yeah?” Your reflection said, as the light above you starts to dim.

“Yeah.” You reply back, and a force makes you fall backwards, as the light shuts off completely.

But this time, the darkness is different.

It doesn’t feel sad, or angry, or evil, it feels like normal darkness.

Like the type of darkness that one sees when they close their eyes.

Or like the type of darkness that appears when standing underneath the night sky, though with the stars and the moon, it is never enough to light up your surroundings, but the presence is comforting anyways.

Your eyes flutter open, and bright lights blind you.  You take a few minutes to adjust and process the scene.

You’re sleeping on a comfy bed, your body in a blue dress, and buttons and sounds surrounding you.

The room is bare, with white walls, and an armchair beside you.

You find that the sounds were coming from the machinery beside you, and you realise that you are in a hospital.

You reach over to press the call button to get a nurse, when a noise from outside your room stops you.

“...Yes, the person who admitted them found them drowning in a river.  They said that it looked like the patient jumped in themselves.   This is a suicide case, Doctor, should call the police?  We can’t leave them by themselves, what if they do it again…” 

Your body stilled, and your mind went back to what happened before.

“Don’t ever leave me again, yeah?”

“Never again.”