I Should've Known Better!

Well, I really messed up this time. Dominic found out the truth, and he was angry to the point of kicking me out, which I totally deserved. All my worst nightmares had finally come true. I should have known better, realizing this was all going to end in disaster. I’d been such an idiot from the beginning… Giving him a fake name, “Kara Muller”, and leading him on in this never-ending game of lies. This was exactly what Melinda had warned me about all along. I hated to think that she was right and she’d rub it in my face in an “I-told-you-so” moment. I had no idea where I was going after this. 

I knew that Erika said that she and Arthur would welcome me to their place, but I’d really hate to intrude, especially if I didn’t have a clear-cut plan for the next steps. I wouldn’t want to feel like I was taking their generosity for granted. I’ve certainly done enough of that already with Dominic. He was kind enough to welcome me into his home and his life with the kids, and I’d taken advantage of that by lying right to his face. I’ve betrayed his trust, and I didn’t want to feel like I was betraying anyone else. So, for now, I was going to turn down Erika and Arthur’s offer. It was for my own sake so that I didn’t step on any of their toes by overstaying my welcome. I hated saying no to Baby Treasure, although it would have been nice to keep her company. At least I’d have real, first-hand experience of dealing with kids.

From my toiletries to all my clothes–even the new ones Erika had recently gotten for me at Macy’s–Adam helped me gather every single one of my belongings. He didn’t say a single word to me as he was helping me pack, and he barely made that much eye contact with me. I knew he was also disappointed in me. I’ve managed to disappoint an entire family. I hated myself even more for ruining any single chance of a future I had with Dominic. He hated me now, and it was all my fault. I wished I hadn’t fallen so hard for him. Most importantly, I wished I hadn’t forgotten my stupid Whole Foods card at home when I went to the store that time. If I’d brought it with me, then I wouldn’t have had an issue with paying for my stuff, and I wouldn’t have met Dominic in the first place, anyway. But we did meet, though, and it was great. Still, I wished I hadn’t lied to him about my name. I should’ve been better than to be dishonest with him from the beginning, but what difference would it have made, anyway?

“Are those all of your belongings?” Adam asked me after everything was seemingly put into their respective suitcases and bags.

“Yes, I’m sure,” I replied. “Thanks for your help.”

“No problem.” Adam still avoided eye contact with me as he left my room. I guess his suspicions about me had been proven correctly all along. I had to pull a fast one by saying that my name was actually my nickname.

A minute later, the door opened and it was Martha. She kind of stormed into the room and shut the door after her. I knew she was mad. “You have got a hell of a nerve,” she snapped. “I knew all along that you had an ulterior motive. But of course, Adam and I had to prove ourselves to be the crazy ones when Dominic decided to give you the benefit of the doubt, going along with the stupid idea that ‘Kari-Ann’ could possibly be your nickname.” She put air quotes. “I told you that he’s been in a fragile, vulnerable state of mind since he lost Shayla. Did I not say that, Kari-Ann? I said it before, and I’ll say it again: Dominic is fragile right now, and Adam and I are rightfully protective of him and the kids. They’ve been through a lot over the years with each other without Shayla, and for someone like you from the outside of this world to appear from nowhere and weasel your way into our lives…” She shook her head. “That’s not fair. That’s not fair at all. You played games with his heart and his mind, and that is very uncalled for!”

I didn’t need another lecture, from her or Dominic, or anyone else. “I’m aware of what I did wrong, Martha.” I did my best to sound as even-keeled as possible. “I know that I don’t have an excuse for anything that I did. At the end of the day, I really cared about Dominic. It was never my intention to hurt him.”

“Oh, but you did. You did hurt him, Kari-Ann. Not just him, but the kids, too.” She scoffed as she shook her head. “See, this was exactly what I feared: the kids seeing you as a second mom. That was a terrifying thought for me because even then, I still didn’t know what your motives were for agreeing to work for a rich family in L.A., out of all the other job offers you could’ve possibly accepted to help you pay for cooking school. You are not a motherly person at all. I fear for the little one that’s growing inside of you. With a past record as dark as yours, there’s no predicting how your kid’ll turn out.”

Now that was overstepping. “For your information, Martha, you don’t know shit about my life before I came here to L.A.,” I snapped. “It’s been hard for me to try to find a place to establish some roots and be as successful as all my friends who’d gone off to make something of their lives. It’s not the same for me, and you know it.”

“All I know for sure is that you probably planned this all along. Bumping into Dominic at the grocery store. Was that your plan to seek him out because he’s a hot, wealthy guy with all the money? Was that why you immediately agreed to work for him? Forget paying for cooking school. What were your motives at the end of the day?”

“He was the one who reached out to me about this job offer, Martha. And no, I’m not ‘forgetting’ cooking school. That’s very important to me. I came here to L.A. for a purpose of doing something meaningful with my life, something that I’m passionate about. Something I haven’t had a chance to do in over a decade since, you know…”

“Since your time in prison. Got it.” She smirked. “And even if he was the one who sought you out for this opportunity, did that give you the right to prey on him and his lifestyle? Even though you’ve never had any formal experience with kids before?”

Leave it to Martha to interpret a situation any way she wanted. “I wasn’t ‘preying’ on his lifestyle. I needed to find some type of steady work to help me get through cooking school.”

She stared at me with disbelief. “And you thought that by weaseling your way into his life, you can accomplish your goals? I’m on the right track here, aren’t I?”

Not even one bit. “I really don’t have to answer any of your questions, Martha.” I scoffed.

“Why? Am I throwing too much at you? Did it make you feel powerful, knowing that you used Dominic to achieve your latest goal… Avoiding your dark, criminal past back in your hometown? A past which, by the way, you were blatantly dishonest about. You gave a false version of how your crush, Eric, died. Dominic showed Adam and me some news articles that tell a completely different story of what really went down that night. You’re telling us another story, but of course you paint yourself as the victim because that’s what you always are… Right? Poor little Kari-Ann, always the victim of circumstance. This guy was a real jerk to you who totally deserved it, right? You did all your classmates and friends a favor, didn’t you?”

I didn’t want to have this conversation with her. “You weren’t even there when it happened, so you have no right to judge. Don’t act like you’ve never been a teenager before who’s never made any mistakes or at least flew off the handle once in a while, Martha.”

She sat on the bed, which I minded. “You’re right.” She smirked. “I wasn’t even there that night. At the time when this shit happened in your hometown, I was a responsible adult trying to make a living. But no, you’re right, too… I never got to experience what it’s like to be a teenager. Because I know that most teen issues don’t usually end in someone’s death or murder. Wanna know why? Because some of us have better control of our emotions and don’t let the smallest things provoke us when we’re behind the wheel. Maybe you could take a class in anger management, Kari-Ann.”

“It was an accident!” I screamed, making a point for the second time in a row that day.

“Yes, an accident that cost not only this poor guy his life, but also yours and your three other accessories… One of which was your own brother, by the way. I can’t imagine someone doing what you did and to top it off, getting their own sibling to go down with them. Shows you the type of person you really are, Kari-Ann: the desperate type who’s willing to do just about anything to cover up your mistakes. That’s a sociopath. What you did shows a lack of consideration for your own brother and everyone else around you.”

And she didn’t think I knew this already? I took a deep breath to remain calm, even if I wanted to slap the smirk off her face. “I’ve served my time, Martha. That’s all I can tell you or anybody else for now.” I sat on the bed after standing for so long since Adam helped me put all my stuff together.

Martha then stood back up to avoid sitting next to me. “Well, then, why weren’t you upfront with Dominic about all this? Why did you feel compelled to lie to him about your name and your past? What, did you not trust him or something? Did you feel it to be more comfortable confiding in a total stranger–Will–than to a guy whose house you’re living in, caring for his kids whom you’ve started developing an intimate connection with?” She put air quotes around Will’s name, indicating her lack of trust in Will.

“There’s nothing going on between Will and me,” I insisted.

“Well, then, why did you randomly bring up his name?” Then Martha gasped. “Oh, my God… do not tell me that he’s the father of this child. If he is this kid’s father, Kari-Ann, you are fucking screwed, and to hell be with you!”

“He is not the baby’s father!” I snapped. “Doctors have confirmed the possibility that it’s Dominic’s. Nothing serious happened with Will, okay? He’s just a friend that I was able to vent to, after all the hell that you and Adam had put me through.”

Then Martha shook her head. “So, that time when you went to Starbucks after you and I talked about your motives with Dominic… You didn’t really go to the park, did you? You went to Starbucks, ran into a total stranger by the name of Will, and you happened to feel comfortable enough to chat up a storm with him about your dark, criminal past. Gee, I wonder why that is, Kari-Ann.”

It’s almost as if she knew me better than I knew myself. It wasn’t like I planned to run into Will at Starbucks. “He and I met by chance. We felt comfortable enough to talk as friends, and I did go to the park afterwards. Not that it’s any of your business, though. I said I wanted to leave the house so that I could clear my head. I’m not obligated to report to you and Adam about my whereabouts. I don’t work for you guys; I work for Dominic. Worked,” I added, realizing that I should say that in the past tense, now that Dominic had fired me. Which I deserved, by the way.

“Yeah, worked.” Martha scoffed. “You worked for Dominic but not anymore. It sucks being without a job now, doesn’t it? Now how will our precious Kari-Ann be able to pay for cooking school?” she added sarcastically. She cleared her throat. “And speaking of… Are you enrolled as ‘Kara Muller’, or are you enrolled as Kari-Ann Maloney?”

She was the second person to ask me that. “Kari-Ann Maloney,” I replied.

She scoffed as she shook her head, almost as if her suspicions were confirmed. “Yep. Exactly what I thought. Bet you were a little scared to use your real name to apply to cooking school in the first place, huh?”

“No, actually, I wasn’t. My roommate, Melinda, helped me fill out the application. I had no point in using a fake name to get what I really want in my life.”

Martha then folded her arms. “Well, if that’s the case, then why did you feel the need to use a fake name with Dominic? Even after every single thing he’s told you about his personal life and family and the way he opened up to you like a book, you still kept lying to him. Telling him one lie after another and another until it finally came crashing down on you like a stack of dominoes. Why did you lie to him about your name? Adam and I were able to eavesdrop on your conversation in the living room; we heard everything you told Dominic. But I want you to tell me. Why did you keep up with the charade with him? Was it all just a game to you?”

I hated to repeat myself, but I guess I had no choice but to appeal to Martha’s ego. I sighed. “When I first met him, I thought he was one of the typical guys in L.A., you know… Just the type of guy to see one girl after another. Basically the playboy type… Like Eric.” She gave me an incredulous look. “I know, I know, not the best comparison, right? But I just needed to know what he was like first, before I could open up to him. It was when we were in his car that we began introducing ourselves. I wasn’t under the impression that I’d ever see him again until he offered me the opportunity to work for him here. And when he called me in for an interview, I wanted to use that chance to tell him about my real name. I really did, but then Brenna came to us in the living room to tell us that Johnny was choking on a piece of bread. And learning what I learned in prison about CPR and other life-saving techniques, I jumped into action to save Johnny’s life. Adam was there, too, you know. He and I worked together to save Johnny.”

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned that a million times that you saved Johnny’s life. Now I’m wondering if that’s all an act for you because you didn’t even do shit when Eric was bleeding to death in your car after you mercilessly ran him over like he was a garbage can or something instead of an actual human being who had a family who loved him. Also, shame on you for comparing Dominic Norworth to your loser of a high school crush, Eric Walker. Dominic is nothing like that, and you know it! He’s not a ‘playboy’ type… Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean, Kari-Ann. And after you saved Johnny’s life–or so you say–you’re telling me that you couldn’t have found another single opportunity to tell Dominic the truth about your name?” 

She shook her head. “Nope, sorry. Not buying it. You had every opportunity in the world to tell him but chose to keep silent and to lead him on in a web of lies. You’re a master manipulator, Kari-Ann. You manipulated everyone else in your life at this time when you killed Eric, playing the victim and putting the blame on others instead of yourself. Now, you’re manipulating Dominic. How do I know you’re still not lying to me now? How do I know that you really did acknowledge that you should’ve told Dominic the truth, but you felt that it was okay to keep up with this whole annoying 'Kara Muller' charade?”

I thought of all the times I wanted to tell Dominic the truth, but he just had to confess his damn feelings for me after I told him all about Eric. I couldn’t help myself from reciprocating those feelings and acting on them. That was never my plan. I knew that Melinda had warned me all about this, but I’d want her to be on my side this time, even though I knew she was right all along about getting too emotionally involved with the Norworths… Even Johnny and Brenna. I wasn’t sure if Johnny and Brenna would ever see me the same way again.

“What are you thinking about now? How right I am and how completely wrong you are?”

“I was afraid,” I said as a tear ran down my face. “I didn’t want to be judged for my past. I almost couldn’t get accepted into cooking school because of my name. They had to put me on the waitlist for six months. Six damn months, Martha! That’s long enough for me to think about if I’d ever get accepted into the school of my dreams, pursuing a career that I’m passionate about.”