Nirvana

               I found it. I thought I’d lost these forever, but I found it. Or should I say them. LPs, cassette-tapes, 8-tracks, CDs, beta tapes, VHS (Video Hit Series), and DVDs. Of course, I’m probably the last person on Earth who knows what these things are for. I like music from most eras, not all eras, but most of them. See, some of these (probably the LPs, which stands for long-playing record, 33s, 78s, and Fisher Price Record Player and Records). Toys, too, lots of toys. Like He-Man, She-Ra, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and a billion other old things. Then, a CD case falls out of a box with the CD in it. See, in the ‘90’s, nobody understood the lyrics to the music. The CD that fell was called, Heart-Shaped Box by the grunge group, Nirvana. See, nowadays, with YouTube, everyone knows what was being said on these albums. Then, nobody knew what they were saying. We listened to it because it was loud, annoyed our parents, and we could ram into each other at full speed in a mosh pit. We’d stage dive onto little fuckers who probably couldn’t carry lift us up. But, there were lots of them and we always wound up safe or came home with bruises. But, after the mosh pit, we would go to women and they would give us hugs ‘cause they say we were at the end of our ropes. They always played Nirvana in the mosh pits. Heart-Shaped Box, Nevermind, Rape Me, and other songs by Punk, Grunge, Heavy Metal, Death Metal, Industrial Rock, and other hard groups. We hated Light Rock, Soft Rock, but we liked some Classic Rock like Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”. I looked around for the CD player and found a three-box. That’s what I nicknamed it. It played records, cassette tapes, radio, and CDs. I put in the Nirvana CD and listened while I looked up the lyrics on my iphone. The reader might ask, Why not just listen to the song on the iphone? Because I’m old-school and love being old-school. I still wear my jeans with a hole in the knee, because that’s what us punks did in the 90’s. I have long hair so I can head-bang to the great songs, like Heart-Shaped Box. I still own my Atari 8300 and NES. I always wanted a Saga, but my parents thought that would be a dumb investment. One of my next door neighbors had one. See, we used to have a bus stop and the boy who’s house the bus stop was on let us play Sonic on his Sega and his mom waited and looked for the bus. I had an NES and let him play on mine whenever he wanted to. We thought all girls hated us, since that what the TVs shows we watched taught us. Beavis and Butt-Head never get laid. Doug never was able to talk to Mayonnaise. Rocko never talked to the girl because they were too smart or good for us. At least, that’s what we thought back then. I listen to the guitar on the CD and bang my head a little. No one’s in my mom and dad’s home unless you’re a medium.           

               See, then it was starting to be cool if you were gay, but it was transitioning. The next song on the album makes me think of Ellen DeGenerous, who came out of the closet in the ‘90’s. It was starting to be cool to not be straight. Hell, girls hated all of us anyway, so why not? At least then, we could get some. We wore jeans, T-shirts with cool sayings on them. Then, there was the GLCC. The GLCC was the first time I tried 420. If you don’t know what 420 is, look it up on Google. That was the other thing. We did bad things we knew were bad like sneak into our parents’ bedroom when they were out of town and look at their Playboys. The song ends, so I hit the back button and put the CD player on Repeat one instead of Repeat All. So, I keep hearing Heart-Shaped Box. My mind is a Heart-Shaped Box. I open it and memory upon memory comes back. I remember the GLCC, where lesbians smoked pot/420 and they’d flash everyone.  See, most lesbians hate bras. They feel they’re uncomfortable and 9 times out of ten say they’re the wrong size and there’s no such thing as a 34 ½ or a B.5, so they never fit right and if men had to wear these goddamn things, they’d get rid of them. So, the lesbians would get stoned and flash everyone. I’m AC/DC (not the band), so I enjoyed it. One of them let me squeeze her breasts and it felt like playdough or real dough. Another man sucked on her other nipple and a third man felt between her legs. She said, “That feels so good”. Damn it, why can’t straight girls be like lesbians? God, why? 

               The internet was invented during my lifetime. I remember when we had to use card catalogues in libraries and had to read books to write reports. But, with the invention of the internet came pornography. Lots of websites with free previews if you’ll give them your e-mail, which became spam. Then, we talked and a lot of our friends were getting high and getting laid at raves with things like ecstasy, LSD, and other drugs. A lot of times I wish I could. But, see, I didn’t know then, or maybe we didn’t know. We didn’t know to be friends first so we’d get to know the woman’s/man’s faults. We didn’t understand the fiscal responsibility of having kids. We just thought things would magically work out. We later wound up in rehabs, psych wards, Half-way houses, homeless shelters, or on the streets. Some of us would up in Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Debters Anonymous, or similar programs. We used these drugs/items to try to escape reality. Remember, “S.O.B.E.R. Son-of-a-bitch, everything’s real”. Our parents got divorces, our houses disclosed, etc., But, some of us were able to bounce back, go back to school and get Associate Degrees, and we were able to start over again. One day at a time. Sometimes, like now, I listen to music and I want to get stoned, go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, and go to a gentlemen’s club, and be a punk, and pray to a God I don’t believe in that my parents don’t find out where I was. I tried to buy alcohol with a fake ID and never got caught. Those were the days, until the shit hit the fan. Those were the days. I stopped the CD, put it in the case, and took the CDs to the car, and put them in the trunk. I have to remember I’m one of the lucky one’s and Narcan isn’t OTC yet, yet.