Club Life

Club life

TW: some swearing and mentions self harm.

Aren’t you a bit old to go clubbing?

Why do you say that?

Well, look at you!

What do you mean?

You’re hardly love’s young dream!

Maybe not, but…

But what????

But…

But, but, but….

Don’t be mean.

Isn’t it time you started facing facts? You’re too old to be dressing like a…

Like a what? What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?

Wearing clothes that are meant for the young and gorgeous. Exposing your midriff. Tuck it in for fuck’s sake.

Stop swearing! You know I hate it. Mum and dad hated it too. I like wearing these clothes and I like going to Club 49. Why do people make such a thing about age? It shouldn’t matter. You’re never too old to have fun. Something you wouldn’t know much about.

Why do they call it that anyway?

Call it what?

Why do they call it “Club 49?”

Maybe because it’s number 49 on the high street.

And I’m not being mean, just honest, something that’s in short supply round here. Someone needs to tell you the truth. You go round, completely unaware of how you come across to others. As soon as you leave a room, they laugh at you. Take a long hard glance in the mirror and tell yourself what you see. You look like a clown in all that make up . Try being subtle for a change.

I think my make up rocks. I love the eyeliner. Cleopatra would have worn it like this, all thick and dramatic.

It’s definitely thick. And look what happened to her!

What happened exactly? I’ve forgotten.

Don’t you know anything about history? Beats me what they taught you in that school you went to.

You went there too. Of course I know. My mind just went blank for a minute.

That seems to happen a lot these days.

You’re being vile today!

Cleopatra! Who are you kidding? She met a tragic end and so will that makeup of yours by the time you’ve finished trowelling it on. It’s more bride of Frankenstein than hot chick about town. Not that you’ll ever be that. But who’s going to fancy you all dressed up like a dog’s dinner?

I don’t know. You seem to have all the answers. YOU TELL ME.

Someone who wants to take advantage of you, that’s who. Or someone totally desperate. Most likely both.

Thanks for that. There’s a difference between being honest and being cruel, you know. You’re just plain cruel. Always have been.

And while we’re about it, do you have to drink that bloody awful stuff?

It’s a snowball, as you well know. It looks lovely with that little striped parasol on the side of the glass. It reminds me of family holidays and cocktails. Happy times when mum and dad were alive.

Yeah, cute fluffy times when you were protected and felt nothing could harm you.

Until it did.

**

Stop bloody snivelling. It’s giving me a headache. I’m going to have to go and get some painkillers if you carry on like this. It’s pathetic. Just because Mum and dad aren’t around to pull you out of whatever hole you’ve dug yourself into again.

Oooooooh. You’re horrible. I hate you! Oooooooh!

Stop blubbering. You’re meant to be a grown woman. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!

I can’t pull myself together. I’m a human being, not a pair of curtains. I don’t know why you think you have a right to talk to me like that.

Like what?

Like… I dunno. Like I’m nothing. Like?…

Go on. Spit it out dumb ass!

Like I have no right to my feelings.

Feelings!!! What a load of crap. Tell me something I don’t know. We all know you’re inferior.

Who’s we?

Everyone knows you’re a useless lump of lard. Always have been, always will be.

That’s a fucked-up lie!

Ooh, get you! Who’s swearing now, Miss Pure of Tongue?

You make me. Whatever you say, some people value me. I know they do.

By some people, you mean people at the shop, I suppose.

Exactly. Kevin and Rhea value me.

Kevin and Rhea? Dream on love. They’re just too polite to say what they really think.

You’re wrong. They’re nice people. It’s you. You’re always looking for the bad, never the good.

I just say it as it is. They’re using you; you’re just too dumb to see it. They need you to cover the shifts they can’t get anyone else to do.

You’re wrong. They’re kind people. Don’t take that away from me.

They are using you.

That’s not true. They do need the shifts covered, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care. They’re always encouraging me. Rhea says I have a great personality, and the customers love me. Imagine that! She’s really brought me out of my shell.

Didn’t she once say you were like a warrior queen after all you’ve been through?

She did. I couldn’t believe it when she said that. It made me feel worthwhile. She said whatever I go through I always come up fighting.

Yeah. She’s really got the sum of you, that one. A bit of flattery and your anyone’s. She plays you a like a Stradivarius.

And I’m not dumb. I enjoy reading.

By reading, you mean those daft magazines where people send in lurid accounts and pictures of their sad lives. It usually involves husbands who’ve slept with their mother-in-law and managed to slip in a sister or two, preferably at the same time. Gross!

I find real life stories more interesting than fiction.

You would! And don’t even get me started about your online dating fiascos. Or, that silly boyband you follow – even though you’re a far cry from being a teenager and they’re no longer boys.

I love Clublife. They’re brilliant!

If you say so.

What’s wrong with them, then?

How long have you got?

What do you mean? Their music is fantastic; they’ve sold millions of records, and their fans adore them. They’re a positive force in my life. Listening to them made me want to stop harming myself.

Thankfully those days are well behind you. You can barely see the battle scars now you’ve got your dragon tattoo.

It’s beautiful, isn’t it? As for Clublife, you know you love them too.

Let’s face it. I haven’t had much choice in the matter – being round you all the time. But seriously, isn’t it a bit daft following a band round at your age? What’s the point?

I dunno. What’s the point of anything? They have amazing voices, they’re easy on the eye, and they’re FUN.

Let me ask you something and I want an honest answer here. When’s all this fun business going to stop? When are you going to grow up and start taking life seriously? I mean take this room. You can hardly move for unicorns and fluffy things.

But I love unicorns. And I’m not the only person to have cuddly things. They’re comforting when I can’t sleep. Leave them alone.

Alright, I’ll let that one go. But you’re not definitely getting any younger. How old are you now?

You know how old I am. Why ask?

I want you to say your age out loud. Make it real. Go on!

I’m not going to.

No one is listening. Go on, say it.

No. It’s stupid.

Who are you calling stupid? I thought your hated using that word after one of the teachers called you it when you struggled with your handwriting.

I do hate it. I think it’s a horrible ugly word. Like something you want to spit out. You can’t say offensive things like that anymore. Thankfully.

But the real question is how old are you in physical years? Obviously, in mental ones, you’re a long way from being an adult.

I … am.

You are? WHAT? Stop beating around the bush. Why’s it so difficult to say?

Alright, misery guts. I’m 49. The same age as the club number.

Correct. And what have you actually achieved in those years?

According to you, not much. But I’ve done things.

Yeah, like what? You haven’t exactly climbed Kilimanjaro, have you? Imagine if you tried. That would give everyone a laugh. You struggle to get up the stairs without huffing and puffing some days. As far as dancing is concerned, you spend most of the time sitting down when you’re at that club. As for Kilimanjaro, you’d probably collapse after a few steps. You never have had much in the way of coordination. Mum used to say that.

It’s not fair bringing mum into all this. I don’t need to climb a mountain to prove myself because I have achieved something big thing in my life. Some would say it’s the biggest thing. Even with everything against me, I had Ollie. I don’t regret a second of the struggles I had to go through to have him. People kept telling me it wasn’t a good idea, including mum, but I went ahead. I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. I’m so proud of him! No one can take that away, not even you.

But somebody has. Where’s Ollie now? He’s with his dad, not here.

I’m trying everything I can to get him back. I’ve got a court date when things will get settled properly and Rhea’s supporting me through it all.

I’ll give you that. She is supporting you. Though you’ve got to admit it’s in her interest.

That’s not true. If I get Ollie back, I won’t be able to help at the shop as much. That’s not in her interest.

If you get him back!!

I will. It’s the one thing that keeps me going.

Whatever happens with Ollie though, you’ll be forever in Rhea’s debt. She’ll be able to call you whenever she’s short staffed, or for whatever else she has up her sleeve and you’ll be there in a flash. Sound like a plan to me.

I’ll always do my best to help if I can. Hold on, she’s texting now.

There’s a surprise! She’ll be wanting you to help out at some really awkward time, no doubt.

She wants me to help out next Saturday.

There! What did I tell you?

Oh, shit! That’s going to be difficult. I’m meant to be going out for a day with Rog and his young nephew. He wants to go to the planetarium. But I don’t like letting Rhea down. Saturdays are really busy at the shop.

Now you’re in a fix. Who are you going to please? Rog or Rhea?

I can’t let Rog down, although I’d rather go to Madam Tussauds and see the waxworks of famous people. I don’t think it’s far from the planetarium. Maybe we can do both.

If you ask me, it sounds like an expensive day all round. I thought you were supposed to be broke. Don’t forget you’re going to need money to fix that ridiculous car of yours. Unless Rog is paying. It’s not as though he can’t afford it, is it?

I wouldn’t expect him to pay all of it. I’m happy to go halves seeing we’re just good friends ‘n all that.

Yeah, you tell yourself that if it helps. Back in the day you used to want a bit more than friendship, if memory serves me, but then Tim took pity on you. Or have you forgotten?

Seems so long ago.

Or maybe now Rog is showing signs of interest, you don’t want him. Sound familiar?

I do want him. It’s just …

Let’s face it, you’re not likely to get a better offer any time soon.

Stop going on. It’s confusing and hurtful. It’s just I’ve spent so long being his friend, I can’t see a way out of it. But you’re right. There is something there.

Could be the real deal. In the meantime, what are you going to do about Rhea?

Maybe I can fit in an hour or two at the shop before I meet Rog. It’s better than nothing.

That’s going to work out fine, I don’t think.

It’s not ideal. I’ll just have to play it by ear. I’ll text Rhea and see what she says.

**

Oh no! Rog is at the door. I hope he can’t see me looking at him through the nets. He usually texts before he comes round.

Try not to scream! He’s CARRYING FLOWERS!

Pink roses. Oh my!!! He knows they’re my favourite. Ooooh! He’s never done that before.

Things are definitely looking up, girl. No point bothering about the club now. Pity you haven’t time to change into something presentable. Quick! Try dabbing down the makeup a bit. You don’t want the poor man to think he’s turned up to a horror movie by mistake. Try not to blow it! This may be your last chance.

How can I not blow it? I don’t have a great track record when it comes to men.

Just BE COOL. Try listening to what he has to say for once. Don’t go all giddy and throw yourself at him as soon as he’s through the door. That’s never got you anywhere.

Okay, but no more talking. You are doing my head in. If he finds out I talk out loud to myself like this, he may not want to hang round.

That’s true. He may well skedaddle if he hears you talking to yourself. But then, who’s going to tell him? Certainly not you. As for me, I only talk in response to you. Thinking about it, he probably knows already and isn’t bothered. It’s only an adult version of having an imaginary friend in childhood.

Now, go and answer that door before he thinks you’re out. Admittedly, that might be a lucky escape for both of you, but we try to be optimistic about these things.

Okay. Will do. And while we’re at it. I need to ask you a favour.

Oh, what’s that?

I need you to stop haunting me.