The Sea People are back but you know they can never be whack

Seems to me that it started with the Sea People invading California after the great quake that split our country in half. I mean there was always the ancient farmers who voted for cheap labor and easy water rights but no one expected a gypsy like people to take over our long coastal commissions and start dating our daughters.

It’s like they learned English at the Missionary Training Center in Utah, wence before they just grunted and passed rune stones. Some say they were displaced by the warring tribe of moses, they are tall and lean and tan in a bronze pattern which would remind others of the Greeks.

Are they descendants of the Trojan Conflict (not a war) over the love of Helen, scholars debating the 11th and 12th centuries, the creation of Rome and the Sabine women, the flight of Dido to Carthage, the blah blah. Hans Schlimer let them out!

Yeah, those bastards been reuntied since the 1890’s and heard that Sea People are supposed to take the northern routs, find the passage through Canada but they got frozen! They did. There was a mini ice-age in the end of the 1800’s and that’s why Americans drink beer instead of wine. Bryson writes that grapes of Great Britain were better than the thickets of France back in the time of Shakespear.

So Global Warming happened. He got the Sea People coming back, California isn’t all snobby calling itself the fourth or fifth biggest economy of the world and going against their own president no more. They have over-lords! Real “king” crap that they were yelling at a thousand paid marches and the Sea People don’t take kindly to any squatters in rental homes. The passports aren’t intentionally stamped because Sea People have this old school nose that can just figure out if someone has contraband at their airports.

Also, some woofied my dog.

Sea People have changed the schools to only talk about Mediterranean classes. It’s like Meso-America and ancient Canada didn’t even exist from their perspective so the teachers lost their unions and have to teach from the new school board ran by Grog, the academic among them.

Shots? No. No more of that. I mean you can take their poultices if you want but the fact that they live longer than anyone with excellent insurance just proves its about rowing around and kicked ass. “Diet and excersize?” Worry about the diet first. Sea People have kelpy restraurants, not sushi, not Bidagogi but like pure kelp with napkins that are small nets that actually get the grime off. Hot towels weren’t bad.

Fish people don’t use four tine forks. They only have tridents of three, their cutlery for the dinner table is a long curved sword, their religious hats are as tall as the Pontiff’s but they more resembled the “T-shaped” geometries found in Gobeki Teki.

Some say they are an amalgamation of ancient pissed off people, united by rage. Maybe six or seven tribes? I can’t say.

I got one dating my first born daughter and he wants to take her back “to the old country.” I laugh and say “What country is that?”

He laughs too because his old country no longer exists. He’s going to fix it with his Sea People smile and come back for my dog (whose breed didn’t exist 3200 years ago). He is fascinated by my dog because wolves were not very popular in his part of the Mediterranean and I think he means coyote when I explain the value of a dog companion.

“Why does he eat first?”

I don’t understand.

“That _dog_ why does he eat first?”

“Caspi? He has a strict regiment. He stomach growls at six while we’re still watching Tv or something.”

Kalo will not feed the dog before he is through. I shrug. To each their peace.

The cable televion is full of Sea People in normalized roles as parents, gods, keepers. It’s like Comcast is trying to sell us a valid storyline again, that’s why they went from “cable provider” to actually buying the largest network of content. How could a person change the world with enough content?

I’m starting to wonder if the Sea People took over Atlanta? That’s Comcast/Coca-Cola/Home Depot/Delta Airlines and more. Coke released Blood Lust flavor all of a sudden and Delta will fly it to any place on the planet. Comcast won’t stop running commercials about people who drink Blood LUst and seem immeasurably happy.

Home Depot? No they still suck. Rampant theft and nothing is quite in its place unless its a new store in a very uptight neighborhood. McDonald’s was holding out until Burger King came up with the Sea Whopper and then the Golden Arches packed their restaurants with Sea People toys, kelp sandwiches, squid shakes … those sell-out bastards.

It’s what the Finacier calls “edible food on the quick.” Sure sure.

Kalo says he’s going to be a doctor after passing Sea People Harvard. It’s like they just accredited their own institution like a Kent Hovind taped thesis. Anyone in power gets to teach. So now people don’t have to wait two months for a surgery because there’s always a Sea People (MD) with a sharp blade. Grandpa is shuddering because her gall stones are painful but Doctor SKok looks like he would slice into anything and not care about the scar.

“Grandma! Get your stones removed.”Grandpa’s all dead and passed and won’t sit there and make fun of her belly scar from the grave. They were really uptight back in the day and women were still having natural births despite the large collection of drugs because grandpas were uptight about caeserian scars and bikinis. What a waste.

I could have been born in the light instead of the mud.

Kalo wants to watch a marathon of Zena, Warrior Princess, and I ask if he wants popcorn? He hates anything like that in his teeth. So I look in the old freezer, the one that needs an icepick and a heater, I find some old trout way way in the back and finally get it out of the small glacier in my stand alone and bring it out…

He is so transfixed by Zena that he doesn’t see me swing for the fences.

Oh yea. I am beating the freak with a dead fish. Over and over, temple region. Either the fish or the Sea People is going to wake up and the other will sleep forever because I don’t need some old school butt head kid telling me how to be a father.

The end.

Kill the Sea People.