Dealbreaker

Laura had never been a good liar.

It felt like she didn't the choice but to be honest; even seeing other people be ingenuine made her vicariously feel the burn of shame she could already see in their faces. The ones who made it on social media were always lying, though, regardless of the topics they discussed. Maybe it was just part of the business she was in, but Laura refused to believe it. No matter what happened behind the scenes in the industry, she knew who she was. She cared about her audience, and most importantly, she cared about her own morals. Lying simply wasn’t an option.

From her very first video, Laura made sure that she stood out from the other influencers; being unique was how you get views. She pledged to the world that she was an honest person, and would never stop being honest, even under the pressure of brand partnerships and the opinions of others.

For a while, it seemed like all Laura did when she wasn’t at college was post videos. Her progress was slow, but it was there; she was aware that she was young and attractive, the perfect demographic to make content in the bustling industry of fashion and makeup. She had managed to grow so successful that some girls at her college even recognized Laura on her way to class. They were friendly, but something felt off. Laura felt something she had never even had the luxury to experience before -- the feeling of being sized up, of being examined to see if she looked as perfect in person as she did online. She didn’t think much of it at the time. Being recognized in person for her online persona was a new experience, and it was normal for creators to be nervous when it happens for the first time. As long as she kept her promise and stayed true to herself, the discomfort would surely pass.

Eventually, a brand reached out to Laura with payment to review their products in a video. With shaky hands, Laura accepted the deal, imbued with energy despite having a long day. She had put everything into making a name for herself, and it finally felt worth it.

Laura frowned at the notes on her lap. What she received after making the deal was, to put it simply, very average. If she had bought it herself, she wouldn’t have mentioned it to her viewers. But the opportunity to finally shine on social media was at her fingertips, and Laura refused to let it slip away. Not upholding her end of her deal was basically lying, and Laura hadn’t forgotten her pact. So, instead of showering the products with compliments like any other creator, she sat down in front of her camera and told the truth. Even while filming, though, Laura could feel a buzz of excitement under her skin. She kept talking, but her mind wandered to other topics; she thought back to the sleepless nights and grueling mornings that it took to get to this point. She was really starting to live her dream. Without realizing it, excitement from her success began to seep into her voice. These products were more than just makeup; they were a physical representation of her growth

Laura played back the footage she had filmed one last time before posting it. The effectiveness of the products seemed a little exaggerated for her taste, but she was confident that it didn’t affect her message. She was still being honest, even if she was happy about the partnership. It was just for engagement, she thought – nothing to lose sleep about.

As Laura’s account grew, so did the feeling of getting examined. Even ignoring her awkward in-person encounters with fans, it felt like the audience was always asking for something just out of reach. There were constant demands for more videos, for reviews of new products, or to simply look prettier. She tried not to take it personally, but anyone could notice how her video quality was starting to decline, or how she wore more makeup every video. It was all justifiable to herself, though; the changes she made to her appearance and personality were done to improve her brand. She was still being genuine; this was just how to succeed when an audience’s opinion could determine whether you earned enough to survive.

The brands were a different story. Overly friendly managers flooded her messages, promising that a partnership would make her more successful. Having connections was the way to get ahead, but it felt like Laura was getting too much of a good thing. The more offers she accepted, the stricter brands got; the feedback after any review that wasn’t glowing became increasingly scathing and coercive. Eventually, resisting the will of her sponsors became less and less of an option at all.

Still, it wasn’t like Laura was actively lying. She was just upholding a deal, and her personality still persisted in increasingly scripted videos. Her audience would understand. This industry was cutthroat, and sometimes she had to choose one promise over another.

Laura sat hunched in front of her camera, memorizing a full script sent to her for her video. She disagreed with every sentence of it. The makeup she had been sent was of laughable quality, but there was no breathing room to squeeze critiques in. Her eyes unfocused, and Laura could swear her screen reflected back an image of her old self; a young girl determined to change how people thought of influencers. She blinked, and the image distorted. She saw her new lash extensions; her lips that she had secretly gotten filled, desperate to stop the comments about her face; her growing smile lines, a reminder that she was falling out of her prime. She made a pact of honesty back then, but this was now. With a voice so steady it made her sick, she recited the script perfectly. But these weren’t lies, she thought. These barely even count.