The Future is amazing right! To be honest it really isn’t. I don’t want to know what happens even a second before The World; its bonkers. I don’t want to know if we’re going to have World War 3. Or even if I am going to die: though that’d be funny, looking at my dead corpse when I’m actually alive, but I could prevent it...but then i’d need... Okay calm down!
Tough crowd tonight. Back to the script...People have thought to have come from the future and go to the future: WHERE IS THE EVIDENCE? I’d literally scream that at my iPad. For all we know they could be making it up, reading a script: and I thought I was dumb.
Okay, BIG NEWS! I am dumb...You can travel to the future and guess who discovered this correctly, duh, me! I wonder if we’ll see aliens from Area 51. Robots taking over the world. Pets as teachers. A certain someone’s wig actually falling off for once. Marmite for EVERY MEAL!
No that last one is a step too far. Look, and I even know what you're going to say in response: “And the rest aren’t a step too far?”
Here’s the story enjoy your marmite and crackers and cheese and pineapple and mangoes and chips and fries and...I’m out of words
Okay...NOTE TO SELF- visit therapy sessions.
I step into the machine and zap! Well there was the mistake you see... If I had believed in myself in the first place then I wouldn't have ended up staying like this. Last time I checked, I did not have red-tipped hair (which was dyed). So therefore I looked like an idiot asking my mum why I had dyed my hair, but first of all, this isn’t my house. It is much larger and... my room is the biggest? Wow, this new life is amazing and I rock this hairstyle. “Mum, okay,” My eyes literally popped out as I anxiously questioned, “Why do you have blue hair and... wearing a roast turkey outfit?”
“It’s our tradition, remember, you suggested it? We dress up like our thanksgiving meal, you are what you eat right! Are you ill or something?” She answered.
Walking away, I shrugged my shoulders... and I loved the way it felt so why not do it continuously. Now I look like a weirdo. You’d think the costumes is weird until you’d see my boyfriend dressed up as a... pea . “What are you doing here?” I question him.
“Duh, silly. We just got married. Wait, have I been replaced with that stupid maternity cushion?” Ryan exclaimed anxiously as he hugged me. “I’ve heard all the ladies are going crazy over it.”
This statement took me back, blew my mind. Yeah I liked him but married? Suddenly out of nowhere dad comes out, he’s a marmite. The tv turns on... the news reporter starts speaking, “WW3. Robots are taking over. The wig has finally fallen off... marmite is the new thanksgiving ...”
“Good Jokes guys! You really got me, now can we all eat normally,” I anxiously said as their voices came distorted and in chunks.
“There are no jokes! I really think you are getting ill.” Said mum worried. I wasn’t going to die!
“Not my cute boochy poochy. Isn’t she adorable?” Whispered James in an overly sickening way.
“I just brought marmite today. Let me get them.” Dad was chuffed, too proud that he was at least a bit modern at the age of 47.
“WW3! I am too young to die.” Shouted mum.
“Yeah you are young, that’s why your hair is grey.” Snorted dad.
“No!” I ran forward as the walls sucked me in, yes! Bye suckers!
Suddenly the doorbell rang as Ryan came out and hugged me. I felt his face all over and asked him repeatedly if my hair was fine, if we were dressing up as chickens or peas or marmite or whatever... he led me to the sofa as he took out a box. It had something sparky inside as tears pricked at my eyes.
She ran her hands over his taut, muscular chest and gazed into his bright blue eyes. They glittered with lust.
He pulled her close, cupped her face as he leaned in, his breath hot and needy, then…
Then the reader threw up into a bucket because it was so cheesy.
Fine here’s the real bit(for people who want to know a happy ending for once):
“Say you’ll marry me when I come back or, before God, I won’t go. I’ll stay around here and play a guitar under your window every night and sing at the top of my voice and compromise you, so you’ll have to marry me to save your reputation.” Ryan re-enacted the scene from Gone With The Wind. The first movie we watched together that he asked me out.
“Yes!” I whispered, but I wasn’t capable of saying much; it’d end up being too cheesy. My voice shattered into a million pieces as I pulled him close happily. Now that was one influence to not go into the future.
“So this has been brought to my attention that I was right all along and that everyone should listen to me! The future is the furniture and don’t ever come back or go there or else... You’ll have to eat marmite for every meal. Marmite with marmite and crackers and cheese and pineapple and mangoes and chips and fries and... marmite.”
There that’s the end of the story, hopefully I can rest now. 1,2,3...
“Honey, can you get the door!”
I swear to God that man is so lazy. Watch what he’ll be doing for me if I ever break a leg.
BREAK A LEG GUYS.