Sometimes I buy flowers for myself !

When I entered the Walmart, except a family from Puerto Rico having several children of different ages, a few people shopping in different sections and Walmart employees moving from one side to the other with little feeling and arranging the shelves, I didn't see anyone else. Undoubtedly, this emptiness was normal since the morning.

I went to the flower shelf and began to walk around the bouquets having been decorated with special beauty and on them, a small paper had congratulated Valentine's Day: "Happy Valentine's Day."

While I was moving the bouquets here and there and sometimes I sat down or stood up and I even took pictures of some of them with my mobile phone and tried to find the hidden angles of the flowers by zooming in and out on them, the picture I had taken of the fiery red flower attracted me so much that I forgot to see the flowers in front of me and I got lost in watching the picture of the flower. I zoomed in and out on it and carefully looked at its petals, but suddenly a woman's sideview in the upper corner of the photo with long golden hair got my attention. I mean, wasn't I wrong, did I see Sarah? I brought my mobile phone down and looked along where the photo was. it was empty, there was no one. I said to myself, the last time I saw Sarah, I was a little jealous of her long black hair and put my hand on it and said: "Girl, I wished for your hair, there is nothing more than a few dills on my head." I continued with a laugh: "God took my right and put it on your head."

She laughed, but not out of happiness, mostly because of this: " you have a happy heart, but I didn't profit from my hair." She didn't say anything, just took my cup and said: "do you like to drink another cup of tea? Its so pleasant in this air." And then he went to the house without waiting for an answer. The sound of birds was ringing in the garden on that cool autumn evening and I was so happy that Sarah had invited me to an evening meal.

Six months ago when I got a job as an English teacher for immigrants to America at an adult education center, I met Sarah there. She had come to America from Mexico and had to get marry a retired army man named John to extend her stay. Unlike other Mexicans, Sarah had fair skin and she didn't like to talk about her family in Mexico, I wasn't too curious about it either. But she always remembered her brother who apparently had autism. Any time she remembered him, she would have stared into the distance and it was as if she was going to her native land with her imagination. She said that her brother's only happiness was that he played with her long black hair at night until he fell asleep. When she remembered this memory, a tear flowed from the corner of her eye and rolled down her cheek, she said: "I don't know how he falls asleep now? and I used to hug him and caress his hair, maybe this was the only thing I could do for him." Although Sarah and her husband John had an age difference of more than twenty years, she always said that she has no complaints and is happy to live here, and slowly putting the slice of the cake in her mouth, she said: "Well, what do I want from life? Almost everything is available for me, house, good food, money; I think these things are enough."

I moved to Sarah's empty place in the photo. I looked at the photo again and once again zoomed in the picture on my mobile phone with my two fingers to make sure it was Sarah. Her hair color had changed, but her sideview was the same as Sarah before she was infected with corona, she used to come to the class before all the students and sometimes she would bring Empanada, the Mexican food to share with everyone in her free time and she would happily say: "I cooked it myself."

In the picture, she looked a little thinner, but I attributed it to the corona disease. I moved to the middle aisle of the store. I was holding the bouquet of Valentine's Day red flowers in my right hand, and I don't know why I was pressing it unnecessarily.The store had become a little more crowded, perhaps the Valentine's Day had just started and the lovers had woken up. As crossing the middle aisle, I looked both sides and between the shelves، maybe I'll find Sarah. I knew it would make her happy to see me.

It was in the middle of the A7 shelf where I saw Sarah. It was herself, the same simplicity, glowing skin and bright look, but with just one difference, her hair, the same hair that I envied and always told about its beautiful black color and brilliance, but now they were all blonde. The golden color of Sarah's hair made her look a little older. I intended to call on her and go to her, but I realized that she was talking to a young man who wasn't definitely a Walmart employee. I couldn't recognize the young man's face, because his back was to me. I didn't want to judge, I didn't put myself in the place of someone who wanted to judge his English class student badly. I pulled myself back and went to the milk sale fridge. I really didn't know that I need milk or not, but I bought a packet of low-fat milk since I used to eat milk filled with oats every day. I just wanted to take my mind somewhere else by shopping, I didn't want to make up stories like vulgar Hollywood movies and put together the triangle of the old husband, the young beloved, and the girl who falls in love.

I went to the scanning machines, first I scanned the flower and then the milk and put them in the plastic bag, and when I raised my head, I saw the glowing, black and beautiful eyes staring at me, it was Sarah. She came to me, hugged me warmly and introduced me to the young man with her. I didn't want or couldn't ask about their relationship with each other, but Sarah looked at the rose branches that were out of the Walmart plastic and said: "What beautiful flowers, Caroline."

It was the first time that she called me by my own name. I remember that anytime she had a question in the class, she raised her hand slowly with a little shame and said: "teacher, I have a question", but now she calls me by my own name. Maybe after that evening tea and cake appointment, she had become more intimate with me, or the feeling of shame had gone.

Without waiting for my reaction, she continued: "But you told me that you lost your husband years ago."

I smiled and looked at the young man who was looking at this conversation with a little impatience and said: "Well, sometimes I buy flowers for myself."

I said a short goodbye and left the door. The sky was partly cloudy and the sun was shining on my face from the corner of the cloud. I took the red flower out of the plastic bag and pressed it between my fingers. It was half an hour from the Walmart store to the cemetery.