Jude's game

TW: brief mentions of suicide and eating disorders

"Doesn't Tina look pregnant to you?" said Jude, with her rather manly voice and wandering eyes. I can't recall my response, however I'm sure it was as monotone as one could be. The harshness of her question and the pure hatred in her tone, made me wonder why I ever chose to be her friend. The jabbing comments she would make at everyone's expanse, the terrifying looks she would give from across the room, the terrible Gardenia perfume she was over the moon for, even the small apple-shaped birthmark she had on her chin, would all result in a grotesque figure that contradicted her otherwise angelic features.

Miss Onner, as all our teachers would call her, carried herself elegantly, a habit inherited from her late grandmother. Her hair was always tied up with silk ribbons, her shoes were always polished. Whenever a coat or dress had the luck of getting stained she would, without a trace of hesitation, go and get herself a new, impeccable one. She attended a private boarding school in California, her parents being both criminal lawyers. Growing up surrounded by luxury and reciprocated respect, my dear friend made her way into the real world only when it came to shopping.

Jude would choose her victims meticulously, never retracing any past lines. I could never really understand the criteria she actually played by, but I was somewhat familiar with her raging jealousy. I knew her previous comment would bring a storm of rumors through the small, poorly decorated college we both happened to be accepted into. Along with Claire Snipe, Alex Winters, Abby Lee, and the many other unfortunate girls that stumbled upon Jude, Tina Walsh would be the subject of this month's small conversation in every coffee shop in Colorado.

A few days passed. I tried my best to eavesdrop on every group of people I encountered on my way to class, even though I can't say I was particularly interested in the matter at hand. It didn't take long, though, until a blonde, slender girl let me in on what was about to become the brutal gossip of the year. Mumbling to her obviously intoxicated friend, I managed to hear the last part of her long row of sentences. "I heard she's pregnant with Mr. Nolan's baby. I don't get it. Sleeping with a teacher is embarrassing as it is, but sleeping with your Bible study teacher?"

I giggled. It began. I've watched gossip spread before, I witnessed the spiderweb expanding and monopolizing the lives of those more unfortunate. Jude, however, was a mastermind. The gossip and rumors she spread were despicably delicious, making you unable to stay out of the infinite web. Distorted and cruel as everything she said was, no one ever bothered to question the validity of it all.

Everything went quiet over the next few days, yet this silence was destined to fatally end on a Wednesday afternoon, during one of the very many literature classes I liked to attend. The room was dark, the November fog was low. Students gathered in little cult-like circles.

To my surprise, Tina was alarmingly walking over to my desk. She was wearing an awfully long coat, which I've seen her sister wear more than once before. The boots she had on made a slippery, disturbing noise as she was getting closer. Her slim, tall physique did, in fact, look unusually modified. The collarbone poking through her chest was now no longer visible. Her knuckles, sharp enough to pierce through the skin, were now covered in a comfortable blanket provided by her sudden weight gain. Intuitively, I assumed Tina was recovering from her very recent bulimic display of behavior, which I happened to notice one day after lunch. This possibility relieved me.

"They're saying I'm a surrogate. And anyway, what would be so wrong about that?"

I gave her an empathetic look. I had no real idea of an appropriate response, so I hoped that my eyes would assure her that I know the rumors are fabricated.

"She had the baby last night", Annie proclaimed while we were working on our final papers the following morning. "Did you know she did it in her dorm room? I wonder where she hid that poor thing".

I knew Annie for a short while, therefore not having enough time to get familiar with the evil she hid behind her blue, almond-shaped eyes. I talked to her every once in a while and never took her as the gossip type. The depravity of her mind gymnastics, though, left me astonished. I didn't bother giving a response. I knew what they were all, especially Jude, trying to do. Whenever one of these twisted mind games occurred I did my best to remain as neutral as humanly possible, being way too exhausted to give in to the unnecessary fuss.

Harvey, the short and quite charismatic guy who I met back in high school, was possibly the last person I'd expected to hear from in these circumstances. "Can you even believe that she gave the baby to Mrs. Pine?". (Mrs. Pine was one of the nicest maintenance workers, making sure every student had proper meals and clean rooms). "I heard she was contacted by the Dean himself, she might get expelled one of these days. What a shame.". This would've been a great opportunity for me to put an end to the limitless harm.

Why didn't I?

The following week marked the beginning of finals week. After my latest one-way conversation with Jude, I stopped hearing from her and from Tina alike.

On Monday, after waking up in a daze, unaware of the 30 missed calls from Jude, I walked out of my dorm room with messy hair and disordered clothes.

Voices everywhere. A whole lot of movement.

Suicide awareness posters were cluttered on the lockers. I gave the crowd a dizzy, scolding look after I realized what had taken place.

It was infeasible to walk down the hall without noticing the endless flower bouquets resting on the waxed floor. Most grandiose of all was a silk-wrapped bouquet of Gardenia.

Jude's game was complete.