Ending with New Beginning

“Honey, CALM DOWN!!! What is the big deal about having parking permits. For goodness' sake, you do not live in a private residential area. You are as basic as me.” Neal was stringing my nerves with his tantrum as soon as we pulled into the apartment complex. “Please, just find any spot,” I kept urging him. “Menani, you just do not understand. I PAY A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT FOR RENT TO BE LEFT WITH NO PARKING SPOT, and be forced to be a merry-go-round each night,” Neal continued to justify his displeasure with a defeated tone by the end of his argument.  

He does have a valid point, however. He chose to live in a decent area, meaning his rent was higher than average, meaning he should at least find a parking spot. Every night we find an empty rectangle that seems to be on the other side of the universe. Even though it is a lengthier than desired distance, it is one that I enjoy. The span we travel involves great conversations, reflections, handholding, brief halts that lead to forehead kisses, admiration for the stars in the night sky, and extra precious minutes with the one I love. Truth be exposed, at times is has been and it is a major inconvenience, but it allows us to slow down and unwind instead of just running into our home without letting go of the day’s troubles. Because Neal is a man of routine and convenient entitlement, he does not realize it is merely just a parking spot.  

The next day, Neal was more than determined to revolutionize the parking structure. I love him, but his downfall is that he must be right because he is always right. Bless his good intentional heart. I am sure he was not always like this, or at least I would like to think he is not so obsessive. “Did you even sleep, honey?” “I attempted to do so but I am on a political adrenaline rush. I refuse to allow these roaches to continue invading when they do not belong here. I can guarantee most of the parked vehicles belong to unleased invaders. I just know it.” I rolled my eyes annoyed but with a smile I responded, "If anyone is capable of proving facts, it is you.” He went ahead to share all the facts with me, however, I tuned him out thinking; you are more like Neal, the obsessive guy! I find it very comical that as humans we pride in our superiority in the animal kingdom, but we become prey of our own minds. Unfortunately, my dear Neal is quite the comical relief. “Honey do not forget I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. I expect to see you then.” “Ooh, yes. Yes! It’s on my agenda. I will be there, “he assured me while his eyes became one with the screen. “Okay then. Keep in mind time does not revolve around Neal.”  

Life appears to be on overdrive. The seasons come and they go. Trees lose their leaves, and they regrow. And as for me, I am carrying life. Pregnancy was never on my mind or plans but now it is my reality. The news stole my breath; the world stood silently still for a minute. Neal is not aware of our situation, just yet. Because of his progressive thinking and lack of desire for offspring, I fear that his heart will grow cold. What will I do then? My mind hurls thoughts left and right as I approach our vehicle to start with the days adventure. Me, a mother? I cannot even imagine. I can guess Neal’s unemotional answer, “A baby without a parking permit. It’s easier to get a baby than a spot to station an automobile. How confounding.” I am unable to contain my vexed amusement with the mental scenario of a flabbergasted Neal. That man, I tell you! He is very peculiar, but he is wonderful. A man of science without consciousness of common sense.  

Every morning since I was informed about the creature forming inside of me, I drive to beach and listen to the songs of the waves. It calms my nerves. I am reminded to slow down, to appreciate the inconvenient long walks. Also, because I am terrified. Bearing a child is wonderful, but at what cost? The doctor has warned me about the complications I am facing since my womb is not necessarily welcoming or very warm. Basically, I might not be strong enough to deliver. If I do, I might not exist but at least my bloodline continues. The beach is extra beautiful today. The roaring waves blanket my mind with the extra peace I need. It always amazes me that the waters obey the Creator of the universe. Everything, even the ocean, has an ending to which new beginnings initiate. I can forget the concept of time sitting by the shore. I did, I was already running late for the appointment.  

Why are you not picking up, Neal! I was calling him while driving to the doctor’s office. “Hey, honey, I am heading to the doctor’s office. Hope to see you then. Love you. Remember, there is more to life than being right.” I left a voicemail, but of course, he would not answer, usually does not when he is consumed by a project. The last few days I have felt extremely exhausted and fatigued, as a result, I decided to refrain from being upset or angry. Although, the disappointment had clogged my aorta already. Time is on my side and made it to the office with seconds to spare. As soon as I walked in, the nurses rushed me inside. “Ma’am. we have been trying to contact you. All your test came back, and this baby needs to come out prematurely.” “You mean now! BUT I AM NOT READY. Please call, Neal.” My whole world swallowed me at that very moment. What is going to happen. The last thing I think about before the funny oxygen takes me to a different dimension, is the journey from the parking lot to our home. The stretch where time seemed beautifully nonexistent.  

With all the excitement in the world, I vaguely see Neal as he storms by my side. He whispers in my ear, “It happened. I proved my case and parking permits will be issued.” “Great,” I said as I hear the cries of perfection drain my heavy eyes. “I love you,” I gasp as the white light consumes my soul.  

Time, we think of it as endless. While the trivial things consume without warning. Neal went home that night with a parking permit that would grant him the best spot but without the love that filled his heart. And as he reached the apartment, he realized it was just a parking spot. A permission that took his lover, but a lover that gave him a new beginning. “I should have listened to you, Menani. The parking permit means nothing without time. Nothing without you. “