The Jade Bangle

Trigger warning: mental health, abuse/ manipulation, violence

The night Zoe went to bed without her parents, she wore her mother’s jade bangle on her left arm. She had turned eight that day, and the plan was to have a birthday party at home. Instead of balloons popping, there were gunshots. Instead of confetti, blood sprayed. All Zoe could remember was her holding onto the bangle during the chaos instead of her mother’s hand. Her mother was wearing it that morning before the party started. She could not remember much afterwards. 

“Perhaps your mother had prayed to the spirit of the jade to keep you safe, and it did. Plus, it was a gift from your father. It’s yours now,” said grandmother as they watched the smoke dissipate from Zoe’s home, what remained, anyway.

Zoe’s memory was hazy about that day, but she would frequently dream of the noise, and the running and hiding from strangers. The smell of metal lingered even after she woke up from the nightmare. No one wanted to tell her what happened. She could guess, yet she chose to believe that her parents were just tied up with something, and they would eventually return for her. 

The bangle was large for her skinny eight-year-old arm, so it rested snug like an armband, uncomfortably hard yet comforting in its warmth. It was a symbol of her mother’s love, because it felt like her mother was gripping her tight, keeping her close. Zoe could smell her mother’s perfume as she floated to sleep. When her nightmares woke her up, Zoe would rub the bangle like a talisman, calling for her mother until the sun arrived. 

As Zoe got older, the bangle would move lower and lower from her upper arm, until it stayed around her wrist. Every time Zoe faced difficulties or nightmares, she would rub the bangle and pray. Once, she heard from classmates about seances and communicating with spirits, she had decided to try it. Her grandmother heard the idea and disapproved, saying letting the dead rest in peace. Despite that, Zoe tried everything to seek guidance from her mother. She wanted to tell her mother that grandmother, her mother, was a mean lady who wanted Zoe to be perfect in every way. 

“Why do I have to learn ballet, grandmother?” Zoe asked while rubbing the jade bangle. She had not given up hope in going home with her parents, even though it has already been three months since her house burned down. 

Grandmother knelt down to see Zoe at eye level. The older lady must have sensed the anxiety emanating from Zoe. Grandmother smiled, but it did not reach her eyes. 

“So you can be elegant and graceful, like your mother.”

“Why do I have to learn so many languages?”

“So you can talk to all sorts of people, like your mother.”

“Why do I have to learn so many types of martial arts?”

“You have to learn how to keep yourself safe, Zoe. Lily, your mother, didn’t know how to. Look what happened.”

Zoe dropped the subject after that, grandmother always had a reason to make her learn a new skill. While the other kids got to roam the malls and socialise, Zoe had to attend lessons. Her grandmother was a brutal taskmaster, making sure Zoe had no spare time to worry about boys or the latest fashion. If Zoe whined, grandmother would threaten to take her jade bangle away. There were no other mementos of her mother, Zoe didn’t even have a photo to remember her parents by. Her parent’s faces already blurry in her mind, she could not lose the only piece of her mother anymore. 

One day, grandmother sat her down. Zoe hoped that she was old enough to get some answers. Zoe had worked hard to gain approval, even if it was just a raised eyebrow. It was her eighteen birthday, and grandmother always said ‘when you’re older’ every time she asked about her parents. Eighteen was old enough, right?

Instead of answers, Zoe got a lecture about importance of family. How her own mother was a disappointment, as her grandmother said,

“I raised you to be a better version of my daughter. Your mother was too much of a romantic fool. I expect you not to follow in her footsteps.”

“Grandmother?”

“Your mother was a fool, choosing a man who’s beneath her. Defying my orders,” grandmother’s hand gripped Zoe’s chin as she asked, “Will you defy me?”

Zoe shook her head. Grandmother’s lips thinned to a sneer.

“We’ll see about that,” said the old lady as she released Zoe from her grip. “I’ve enrolled you into Pharmacy school, it should be easy for you. All that lessons of chemistry would help.”

“Why?”

“It’s time for you to help out with the family business.”

“What family business?”

“Your uncle’s a doctor, and we own a hospital. That’s how we paid for all those lessons.”

“And?”

“Pharmacy school?”

“That makes no sense, I want to be…”

“It doesn’t matter what you want, family matters more. Right now the family needs a pharmacist, and you’re going to be it.”

Was it then when bangle had turned into a shackle? After that conversation, the bangle felt cold and restrictive. But Zoe couldn’t bear to remove it, because that would mean removing her mother. 

Even though bangle was no longer a source of comfort, but Zoe would still rub on it out of habit. When she looked closely at the light green and white bauble, she imagined chains that tied her to her grandmother. It felt like she was being shackled with the family, made to be the perfect specimen to show the world that her grandmother had done a superb job despite losing her youngest child.

Was it her birth that made her grandmother to come up with the ridiculous scheme of a do-over? Zoe had to become a trophy be married off to the highest bidder, because her mother had fallen in love with a lowly gangster kid and defied orders. With her mother, Lily, gone, Zoe had to contribute in some way to please her grandmother, all in the name of filial piety.

The bangle became a reminder that her mother had chosen love and not family, hence a symbol of weakness and betrayal. She was not weak, despite what grandmother said; but strong enough to not accept the predestined fate of being traded for prestige and money. Zoe assumed that her mother was meant to marry someone who was richer, perhaps someone with a title but needed money to sustain the expensive lifestyle. Zoe’s family seemed to have an abundance of money, yet grandmother had instilled that money doesn’t grow on trees. Zoe would have to contribute, but always her time. 

All the time to learn new skill, when she had mastered it enough, grandmother would find something else. At eighteen, Zoe could shoot a gun and hit a target, she could appear demure as she listened in on private conversations. Zoe’s carefully curated timetable had no time for friends, so no one pointed out that what she was doing was odd. 

It started with a man. Zoe often wondered if Juliet Capulet regretted meeting Romeo Montague, because Zoe did not feel sorry for choosing the man over her family. Trenton challenged her views, but did not seem critical or cold when she gave him her reasoning. He remembered her favourite things, like lemon cookies and strawberry milkshakes. More devastatingly, he was the person who told her how the medication she created to help the patients in the hospital was instead used by the rich to get high. 

How had it come to this? Zoe would have never dreamed about having a face off with her grandmother in the woods near their home. The family had converted a shed into a prison, with a steel door that only had a panel to allow food and water through. It was just four walls and dirt floor, and it was always dark in the shed, meant to break even the toughest minds. Her grandmother had kidnapped Trenton, keeping him in the shed because he knew things that even Zoe didn’t know. 

 All this to save a man, whom Zoe had fallen in love with after months of interactions. Trenton had told her everything about himself, and that won her over. Finally, she could experience the warmth and joy in her heart. Zoe wondered if that was why her mother chose to marry a lowly gangster instead of following the path of roses set before her. When you met the right person, everything looked different. In Zoe’s mind, the path of roses had transformed into a balance beam with sharks circling underneath it; the jade bangle was chained to the balance beam, and Zoe was chained to the bangle. 

Zoe stood frozen as her grandmother levelled the gun at her, her face contorted in rage as she recounted every disappointments Zoe and her mother had inflicted upon her. Some did not made any sense to Zoe, but it seemed important to her grandmother. 

“I raised you, and I nurtured you,” continued her grandmother after the rant.

“But you don’t love me,” said Zoe.

Grandmother scoffed: “What is love? Love is a weakness, Zoe. It changes, fades, or crumbles. Family is all that remains, always. Blood is thicker than water, child.” 

Zoe took a step back as the old woman approached her. 

“In the end,” continued her grandmother, “I had to burn it all down.”

“What?” yelled Zoe, “You burned the house?”

“Yes! I had to! She’s doing a poor job raising you. I was disappointed when she wouldn’t give you to me to raise properly.”

“So you killed my parents?”

“I didn’t pull the trigger,” grandmother said, shaking her head, “Your grandfather ordered the attack. It was just tragic, what had happened. But at least I got to have you.”

“Why?” Zoe asked as she gripped the jade bangle, praying to her mother. All her life, Zoe wanted answers, but she realised she didn’t like the answer when it was given. 

“Oh… you know…” her grandmother paused as her smile became wider, and there was a glint in her eyes that Zoe hated. “Your father was a capable man, he had quite a large territory in the mafia world. But all’s fair in love and war, eh?”

“No,” Zoe sighed. “You’re mad!”

“Of course not, I’m just… determined. I wanted you and he wanted your father’s power. Win- win! But unfortunately, the old man didn’t anticipate such push back. Someone managed to shoot him in the head. But I got a chance for a do-over. Isn’t that good?”

“NO!” 

“YES! You were such an obedient child. So docile! Like a little marionette who obeyed my every wish. Your mother was always the wilful one. Your grandfather’s favourite, you see.”

“You’re crazy!” Zoe repeated.

“So what if I am? I still raised you well.”

“Like a trophy puppet.” 

Her grandmother cackled wildly before replying, “an obedient grandchild, dear. Now come here, your defiance is exhausting. Come now before I shoot your legs and drag you home.”

Zoe knew that she was imagining things when she felt the bangle tighten around her left wrist, maybe it was her mother trying to send her a message from beyond, if she still believed in ghost. But Zoe knew that it was from the heartache of knowing her mother was killed so her narcissistic grandmother could have a do-over. Her hand closed around the warm stone, praying for strength to break free from the bonds. In her mind, she could hear the imaginary chains rattle and tugging against her, towards her grandmother. 

“Don’t save that man!” her grandmother cocked the gun, and Zoe’s heart leapt. “Don’t give me the bullshit about love again, dove.”

“What did he do?” Zoe asked.

“He knows too much, he has to disappear. It’s to keep the family safe.”

“What? Just let him go, he won’t tell anyone! I’ll make him not tell, I promise.”

“Silly child. Only the dead won’t tell. Not even his body will betray our secrets.”

“No, you can’t do that!”

“I’m your grandmother, we’re family. You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I am on your side, grandmother! Killing people is wrong!” 

“It’s only wrong if you get caught,” her grandmother sang out, “Just don’t get caught.”

“I won’t let you!” Zoe stood before the shed. 

“So, you’re choosing a man over your own flesh and blood? Typical, just like your mother. I guess you are ungrateful, just like your mother.”

Before Zoe could respond to the comment, she saw her grandmother’s finger move. A shot rang out, and Zoe closed her eyes as she lifted her hands to her head. She felt the shattering. Her ears were still ringing when she opened her eyes, grateful that she was still alive. 

The jade bangle lay in pieces on the floor, while the scent of gunpowder floated in the air around Zoe. It was as if her mother had protected her and the oppressive feeling of being leashed lifted at the same time. It was like she had been given permission to defy her grandmother. Zoe felt gratitude, freedom and guilt together, but she had no time to process those emotions. Zoe did not hesitate, running towards her grandmother.

It was a clash between the young and old, where Zoe’s strength and agility was met with grandmother’s experience and determination. Within moments, the tides turned and Zoe was pointing the gun back at her own grandmother. In the other hand, a key to the cell that held Trenton. 

“You dare?” the old lady hissed. “I raised you! You ungrateful child.”

“No, you’re my grandmother and I should always obey you,” Zoe answered truthfully as she backed away, keeping her eyes on her grandmother she inched slowly towards the shed that held Trenton. Who had made no noise since the confrontation.

“But… I have to do the right thing. Mother, mother always told me to do what’s right. This is wrong,” said Zoe as her back touched the shed’s door. Her ears strained to pick up signs of life, as the shed was still pitch black.

Zoe feared the worst until she heard his voice. 

“I’m here, just didn’t want to distract you. Too bad I had no popcorn,” his voice was cracked and gravelly, like he had not been using his voice box for a day. 

“I’ll get you out,” replied Zoe as she turned the key.

“Family comes first, grandmother. You’re right,” said Zoe as she kept the gun on her grandmother. 

“Only this time, I choose which family.”