The Orphan Catcher

Jeffery farted. Smiling, he farted again, but louder. 

“Jeffery!” Sam’s teacher yelled “Stop farting in class, that will be one detention!”

 Sam smiled. It was March 31 and kids were beginning to prank already, even though it wasn’t the craziest day of the year, April Fools. Sam looked at the clock and saw it was 2:58.

Across the class, Tom, Sam’s brother, passed him a note. Sam looked down, underneath his desk, and read it. It said “Meet at the tree, we walk home today.” Sam sighed and crumpled the note. Suddenly, the bell rang. Jumping out of his seat, he grabbed his books and ran into the hallway. As soon as Sam took 3 steps into the hall, the older kids rammed into him, just like he wasn’t there. The upperclassmen aren’t nice to the kids in lower grades. The nicer older kids said sorry, and sometimes even helped pick up the books that he dropped.

“Hey!” Sam yelled down the hallway. The kid turned around and glared at him. Sam’s mouth dropped open at his misfortune. It was one of the awful bullies of the sixth grade. Still glaring, he slowly turned around and walked away. Sam shuddered and then ran over to the tree where Tom was waiting. 

“Let me guess, you were slowed down by Carver?” Tom asked. 

“Yup, again,” Sam replied as they started walking. 

Later, when they were at home, they both went up to their room and talked. That weekend, their parents were going on vacation. No kids were allowed, and their parents couldn’t find a babysitter, so they were on their own. Even though they complained that they were only 11, their parents ignored them and started getting ready. April Fools came by quite quickly, and there weren't as many pranks as Sam expected. The most annoying ones were ping pong balls in everyone’s desk, plastic wrapping the doors, and somebody tee-peed the entire bathroom so it wasn’t usable. The last one probably was more annoying to the janitor than to Sam.

Finally, it was Saturday. They waved goodbye to their parents and went inside. After a few minutes of watching TV, they got bored. A couple more minutes went by and they found themselves jumping on their parents' bed looking around the room. 

“Sam, look over here!” whisper screamed Tom, who was rummaging through their parents' closet. Sam walked over. Behind the clothes rack, and a small drawer, there was a door. The door had a red sign that said KEEP OUT on it. Tom pulled at the door and it opened a tiny bit. 

Finally, it swung open, revealing all the toys that their parents had taken away from them over the years. Sam’s eyes widened as he picked up the super squirt gun that cost him 20 weeks of allowance. Tom picked up the fart machine, that, with a press of a button could make farting noises. Looking upon the mountains of old toys, both realized they were kind of hungry. They walked downstairs and looked around the kitchen. Nothing. Sam walked over to the countertop and looked at a small post-it note. It read “Sorry about the food, go to the grocery store to get more food. From, mom.” Under the note was a twenty-dollar bill that, in sharpie, said “DON’T GET CANDY”. Tom and Sam took the money and started walking towards the grocery store down the street. Tom decided to get bread buns, lettuce, cheese, and a 2-gallon bottle of orange juice. Sam, with the extra couple of dollars, bought a packet of gum and a chocolate bar. Walking home, Sam split the chocolate bar with Tom, and then they started talking about a cartoon marathon that was starting at six that day. Meanwhile, a couple of streets down, an orphan catcher was looking around for orphans. Suddenly, her nose perked up. “I smell me some orphans!” the orphan catcher said as she ran down the street, around the block from where Sam and Tom were. Slowly, almost like a dog, she walked down the street with her giant net, getting closer to Sam and Tom every second. Finally, Sam and Tom got home. Putting the groceries in the kitchen Sam got ready for the TV marathon. It was 5:40 and the marathon was about to start. Tom was making snacks, and getting pillows and blankets, and Sam was making sure the TV was working, and putting away the groceries.  

Finally, the orphan catcher was on their doorstep. Going upstairs, the boys went into their parents' room and started bouncing on the bed again. 

The orphan catcher kicked the door down and yelled “I know you're in here!”

 Tom and Sam both ran to the top of the stairs and peeked down at who it was. 

“You're going to pay for that door!” Sam yelled down the stairs. The orphan catcher scowled and looked around the house.

“Where are you, kid?” She asked. She clomped around the house, tearing up furniture, looking for them. Finally, she got to the Living room and looked at the TV. The marathon had started. Sitting on the couch, the orphan catcher started watching TV. 

“Huh,” she muttered, “I used to watch this stuff…” 

After watching 2 of the episodes, on the commercial break she walked over to the kitchen. Picking up the sandwich she mumbled, “Gee, I want a sandwich, and It just happens to be here.” She walked back over to the couch and… Fffflaaaaarrrpppp!! She jumped up and looked on the chair. It was a fart machine. Putting her sandwich down she walked all around the house, checking every spot, and whenever she heard a noise she whirled around and tried to find where the sound came from. Meanwhile, Sam and Tom were hiding inside the wall near the TV.  

Once upon a time Tom and Sam had worked together on making a secret hideout, so they ended up making a hole inside of the kitchen cabinet, and from there you could get to almost any room on the ground floor. They also hid holes in other rooms, so it was kind of like secret passageways from room to room. They took out all the dust and spiderwebs so it was pretty decent inside. When the orphan catcher got back, she picked up her sandwich, ready to eat it, she realized it already had a bite in it. This got her mad. Throwing the sandwich back onto the plate she started searching for ingredients to make another sandwich. She opened the cabinet and saw the big hole. She grinned an evil grin and ran over to get her net. As she shoved her net, head, and the rest of her shoulders in, she realized that it was very small in there. Finally, she shoved her bum in and got up. The orphan catcher walked straight, not daring to go into any of the other passages. Finally, she heard two boys saying “ Shhhhhh!!” and “ Heehee, she won’t know what hit her! “. She ignored what they were saying and walked into the living room passageway. Suddenly, a burst of water splashed her in the face, knocking her over, and soaking her completely. Sam patted his water gun from his parents' room and ran away, jumping over the orphan catcher. 

“You pesky little rodents!” she spluttered. 

Quickly, she got up and started chasing them around the walls. Sam and Tom ran back through the hole and ran through the house. When the orphan catcher ran after them up the stairs, she got soaked. When she chased them down the hallway, she got soaked. Finally, she had to take off her shoes and jacket because she was too wet from getting soaked. And her net wasn’t waterproof so she had to leave that too. When seeing the boys raid their parents' secret toy hiding place, she rummaged through it to see what she could catch them with. After going almost through all of it, she suddenly saw something at the very back that caught her eye. A giant foam hammer. Picking it up, she realized it was quite light, and easy to carry. She walked around the house with the hammer resting on her shoulder. Suddenly, a squirt came out of nowhere. Blocking it with her hammer the orphan catcher bashed Sam with the hammer. 

“Are you nuts!?!” Sam yelled as he slid away, dropping the gun. The orphan catcher spotted Tom out of the corner of her eye and swung the giant hammer at him. Tom fell and slid beside Sam. 

“Yeah, I guess that it is kinda extreme” she said as she put down the hammer. Tom shoved the hammer away and shot her with the water gun that Sam had snatched when she swung at tom. Running out the door they threw water balloons that tom had kept in his pocket. They ran down the street and bumped into their parents, who were coming back from vacation. Looking in the car window they waved and looked down the street. The orphan catcher had caught up. 

“I caught you! “ she yelled as she grabbed both of their wrists. 

“Hey, they’re not orphans, we’re their parents!” said their mom and dad as they got out. 

“I don’t care, they’re mine,” she said. 

“Let us go! “ the boys shouted as they tried to run away. 

“They are our children!” their mom explained. 

“I don’t care. I caught them, and they’re mine” 

“But they're NOT your kids, so let go!” Their dad said, trying to break the hold. Shakily, with one hand, Tom reached into his pocket and grabbed the very last water balloon. He brought it up, over his head, and chucked it straight at the orphan catcher's face. 

“GluBpobablop!” she gurgled as she wiped the water off her face. 

Sadly, seeing that the kids had been released from her grip, she picked up her soggy, broken net, and walked away, down the street. Back at home, after the cartoon marathon, both boys asked each other. 

“Whatever happened to that orphan catcher?”