You Can't Tell A Book By Its Cover

Wanting something or working towards a goal is expected, in fact, it’s what keeps most of us grounded. They say opposites attract. However, I don’t entirely believe that to be true. Sometimes, people are attracted to one another, due to having that same energy that gets things done. That was the case for Sean and Sue who met in high school. He excelled in sports as she did in many academic clubs. She ran for class president and won in a landslide. It was the first time a girl had succeeded in that endeavor for their school.

After college, they did what everyone expected—they got married. Sue, although she possessed a law degree, more than anything, wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and raise a brood of kids. Sean was more than okay with her decision—but not right away. He wanted to work on getting a house and financial stability before embarking on a family. Sue, for the first time in their relationship, disagreed with his decision but, in the end, acquiesced because it was prudent.

The years went by, and they had everything they wanted: a dream home, two paid-off cars, and substantial savings. Now was the time to address the baby issue. Sue was concerned about her biological clock; she was now in her 30s and was more than ready to start a family with whatever little time she felt she had left. She was convinced that if she presented her case to Sean, there was no way he could turn her down. Dinnertime, a time when they would not be distracted, would be an excellent occasion for this discussion.

“Hey, sweety, can we talk?” asks Sue demurely. , have you

“Sure, babe, what’s up? By the way, I have to tell you, dinner tonight— is amazing!”

“Thank you, dear; I’m glad you’re enjoying it. But to change the subject, I’d like to discuss something with you. We have talked about this many times, and this is the most important thing to me, and I’m afraid that I’m running out of time.”

“I think I know what you are talking about…. But don’t we have a wonderful lifestyle, just you and I? I wanted kids when I was younger, but now, I’m not sure I still do. We can travel whenever we want; there’s nothing to hold us back. Is this really something you’d like to change in our lives?”

“Yes!” Sue says, as she begins to get emotional.

“Really? Sue? We have everything we want. Have you been in your expansive closet lately? All those sexy designer dresses—do you think you will be able to fit into them after a baby?”

“I don’t care. I want a baby! I’m not getting any younger and just because you change the rules doesn’t make it fair. If you can’t deliver, then I guess we will have to consider divorce,” she says, almost hysterically.

“Divorce?? Why would you bring THAT up in this conversation? Have you lost your mind? I love you, and I would never want to lose you over something like not having a baby. I’ll do it. If it really means that much to you,” he says, trying to comfort her. “I didn’t realize how much you wanted a baby; I thought you were content with just you and me.”

Sean removes the napkin from his lap, puts it on the table, and gets up to hold her as he wipes her tears away. “I never want to see you this upset again. I love you. We can start anytime you want. In fact, why don’t we forget about dessert—you can be my dessert.” He kisses her on the cheek and guides her out of her chair. Sue feels a million times better and smiles at him lovingly. Both walk towards the bedroom hand in hand.

Weeks pass, and Sue misses her period. She is elated and dashes out to the pharmacy to buy not one — but two pregnancy tests—just in case of failure. After taking both tests, they confirmed her wish—she’s pregnant! Despite beating the odds of having difficulty conceiving due to her age, she did it on her first try.

Unable to contain this newfound information, she runs down to her husband’s office. She doesn’t tell anyone because she wants him to be the first to know. The door is open to his office, and she can see that he is on the phone. Quietly, she closes the door behind her, reaches into her purse for the two pregnancy sticks, and places them on his desk in front of him. He spins his chair around and has his back to her as he continues to talk.

“Did he see them?” she thinks, almost confused. 

Sue takes a seat at his desk and patiently remains there until he is finished with his conversation. In what seems to be an eternity, Sean ends his phone call and spins his chair back to his wife.

“Well?” Sue says, a little annoyed.

“Well, what?” he responds.

She pushes the two pregnancy sticks towards him.

“What the—? You’re pregnant? Wow! I guess this calls for a celebration!” he says, getting up from his desk. He gives her a hug and a peck on the cheek. “You did it! Let’s go out to dinner tonight! I hope you don’t mind, but I have to get back to work. I have a family to support! You pick the place, and we’ll go.” Sean escorts her out of his office and walks her to her car.

Sue was a little disheartened by his reaction. “I did it? Shouldn’t that be ‘we?’” It hurt that he seemed very disconnected by the whole thing. After driving a distance away from his office, she pulls over to the side of the road and begins to cry. “What good is it to have a baby with someone who doesn’t care? I feel like a single mother,” she thought, feeling sorry for herself. But then she realizes, “Maybe it’s the hormones talking, and I’m making a big deal out of nothing. He was busy. It’s his office, his place of business. What is he supposed to do? Grab me in his arms, tell his secretary to hold his calls, and do me on the desk? We are going to dinner, so that will be nice.” After talking some sense into herself, she wipes her eyes and heads home.

That night, they went to their favorite restaurant, and it was almost magical. The food was wonderful, and so was Sean. Any doubts about him not caring flew out of Sue’s head. After dinner, they went to a trendy club to listen to a little music and perhaps dance. He made a point to order sparkling water for her instead of her usual glass of white wine. Then a song came on, thanks to a few bucks handed to the singer, that they used to dance to so many years ago. He embraced her closely, touched her flat stomach, and kissed her. What more could Sue ask for? She was in heaven; all her dreams had come true, but felt a little guilty for how stupid she had acted in the car earlier.

The next morning, as Sue was about to get up to shower for work, she felt heavy cramping and then the unthinkable—blood. The cramps grew worse as she staggered to grab a towel. She sat on the floor crying as she continued to bleed. Instead of calling Sean, Sue called her best friend, Maria. Being the eternal optimist, she hoped that it was a false alarm and didn’t want to tell her husband until she was a hundred percent sure she had miscarried.

The technician at the hospital did an ultrasound, and her worst thoughts were confirmed—she had lost the baby. Sue was beside herself with grief. However, the doctor told her that at her age, it was very common, and there was no reason why she couldn’t get pregnant again and be successful in going to term. That made her feel a little better, but she was still worried. “What if I can never have a child?”

Sue called her husband, who rushed down to the hospital. He was annoyed that she didn’t call him right away. However, he was relieved that she was alright. Then he says the absolute worst thing he could have ever said to his already emotionally distraught wife. “Well, maybe being pregnant isn’t your thing. You’re not that young anymore and say we tried again, and you died? I couldn’t live without you. You realize that, don’t you?”

With hormones raging, and the traumatic loss of her baby, the only thing she heard from his feeble attempt to console her was, “Pregnancy isn’t your thing… you’re not that young anymore.”

“Get the hell out of here!” she shouted.

“What is your problem? What did I say that was wrong? You were only pregnant for a few weeks. It was only a clump of cells—nothing. I really think you’re overreacting, if you want to know the truth. We can try again if it means that much to you.”

“I thought I told you to get the hell out of here. When I get home, I don’t want to see you there, get it? I always knew you were emotionally stunted; however, I didn’t think you were this insensitive. I’m done—we’re done!”

Sean left without a word, and Sue buried her head in her pillow to quiet her loud sobs.

After the procedure to remove what was left of her unborn baby, she was given the all-clear to go home to heal. She was thankful for Maria’s support and presence in what seemed to be her darkest hour. Her friend respected Sue’s silence on the long ride home, realizing that so much had happened, and her world was upside down. As they pulled up to Sue’s house, her friend left her with some reassuring words. “I know you may not want to hear this right now, but you need to take care of yourself. Forget about Sean right now. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but he was really insensitive. I wouldn’t put up with that, and you deserve better. That is the tip of the iceberg as far as I’m concerned. Anyway, I just want to let you know I’m here for you,” Maria said sincerely.

“I know, you’re a good friend. Thanks for being there for me. I’m mostly pissed off at myself for wasting twenty freaking years of my life with that jerk. The writing was on the wall, and I chose to ignore it. He kept putting me off, and I thought, we just need to achieve this or that, and then we’ll have a family. There was never going to be enough stuff as far as Sean was concerned.”

Sue walked into an empty house. She could tell Sean had not returned to their home because his clothes and stuff were still in his closet. Perhaps he thought that if he gave her some space, he could reason with her at a later date and save the marriage. She was quite familiar with his tactics, but this time, it wasn’t going to work.

A week passed, and still no sign of Sean. Sue thought that he would have at least tried to reach out to her by now. But he didn’t. Maybe, for once, he took her words seriously and stayed away. But then again, knowing from experience that Sean doesn’t respect anything and goes after what he wants, she begins to worry. “Perhaps something did happen to him,” she thinks.

Concerned, she called his friends, but no one had heard from him. He worked for himself, and his schedule was hectic, so he wouldn’t be missed at work. Sue called the local hospitals and BINGO; he was there. According to staff, he was in the ICU. She felt so guilty, yet a little resentful; once again, he made her problems insignificant by trumping them with this accident.

Sue rushed to the hospital. Despite the marriage being over, as far as she was concerned, it did not diminish her love for him. When she arrived at the hospital, she gave them her name but was told only family members were allowed in the ICU.

“But I’m his wife!” she shouted.

“Nice try. Mr. Johnson’s wife and family are already with him. I’m afraid you cannot see him.

“What do you mean? I am his wife! Look, here’s my driver’s license. I’m sure you have that address and his last name on his record. Here are his insurance cards —I know you’ll need them. His date of birth is 11/04/71.”

“Nope, the addresses don’t match, and ‘Johnson’ is a common last name; you did get the date of birth correct. I’m sorry I can’t help you,” said the nurse firmly.

“Well, could you have his so-called wife come out so we can straighten out this mess? My husband has gone missing. This hospital said he was here. I gotta know, please!”

“Wait here, I’ll be right back,” the nurse said, taking pity on Sue.

Sue paced the floor, wondering if maybe she had made a mistake and her husband was okay. Then, a very pregnant woman with three small children in tow walked out of the ICU with the nurse.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Johnson, but this lady claims to be your husband’s wife,” the nurse said, rolling her eyes.

“I know who you are, Sue; I’m Delores, and you’re right. That is your husband in there.”

“What?? I don’t get it. Who are you???”

“Well, let’s sit down, and we’ll talk,” Delores said, seeming to not want to attract a lot of attention or upset her kids.

“I don’t want to sit down. What the hell is going on?”

“Look, I don’t want to make a scene in front of my kids, okay? That’s their dad laying in there. They are already going through a lot, okay?”

Sue calmed down for the sake of Dolores’ kids. Just because their mother was a homewrecker, they had nothing to do with this and were the innocent ones in this adult mess.

“Their dad?? Those are Sean’s kids? All of them??”

“Yes, we’ve been together for about eight years. I knew all about you; he was always upfront with me. He told me that no matter what, he would never leave you for me. He took care of us and was an excellent dad. He lived for those kids.”

It was as though Delores stabbed her in the heart. Sue wanted a family so badly and he didn’t—not with her anyway. She was beyond hurt. “I don’t know if he told you, but I just lost a baby.”

“Yes, he did, and I’m very sorry. He had the accident on the day that he told me you guys had a big fight, and he was leaving you. I felt horrible for you; I know what it’s like to miscarry, and I thought he was heartless to leave you at that horrible moment. I told him not to come home to me, at least to my home. I’m so sorry this has happened.”

“I don’t know what to say. I’m in a state of shock: you, this, the kids,” Sue says, tears welling up in her eyes. “You know what? I’m totally done; you can have him. Your kids need their dad anyway. All I ask is for one thing: I just want to see him for closure, and I will be out of your lives forever.”

Delores put her hand on Sue’s shoulder to comfort her, “It’s the least I can do. I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Things just got out of hand, I guess, as the years went by.”

They walk into the ICU, where Sean is hooked up to all kinds of wires and machines.

“It’s him, alright. The bastard,” Sue says, through her tears.

Just as she is about to leave, the monitor goes off, and an announcement is made for the nurses to resuscitate him. Sue, Delores, and the kids are asked to step outside while they frantically work on him. In the end, they are unsuccessful, and he flatlines, leaving a mess in his wake.