Good Vibrations and Goodbye

Ellie watched the two raindrops merge paths on the window. She had forgotten how much she had played this game as a kid. With her phone dead and not wanting to ask the Uber driver if he had a charger, she resorted to this to pass the time. While the rain made for better window entertainment, it added to the mood for the day because she knew her umbrella was sitting by the door at home. 

Ellie watched as two more drops raced to the bottom. They went the same speed at first and then one overtook the other one, and it turned out it was not a race at all. That was life, and she was the losing raindrop. Her sister, Annie, was always the winner. She was sure that whenever Annie arrived at her destination that her phone would be fully charged, she had both an umbrella and a raincoat and her shirt wouldn’t be stained with this morning’s coffee. 

“Are you getting enough air back there?” the driver asked. 

“Huh?” The question broke Ellie’s thoughts. “Oh, yeah, it’s comfortable, thank you,” she said. 

“So what brings you to Jackson?” he asked.

“My grandma is from here.”

“That’s nice, always good to spend time with family.”

“Uh huh,” Ellie shifted in her seat. 

“Do you have a lot of family here?”

“Not really anymore.” Ellie turned to face the window again, hoping he would get the hint. The rain still poured down.

“What kind of music do you like? I can play whatever you want.”

“Oh, I’m not picky.” This guy is really working for a large tip, Ellie thought.

“Seriously, tell me your favorite. What’s your guilty pleasure music? Boy bands? Disney? 80’s rock?” Ellie wondered if he guessed that for every millennial, white girl. She hated the fact that there was a poster of NSYNC in her bedroom as a teen, the live-action Aladdin was one of her favorite movies and “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” was her go-to karaoke song. 

“Beach Boys.” She responded. 

“Didn’t see that one coming,” he fumbled with Spotify on his phone. “But here you go, as requested.” 

Only because you made me pick something. The Beach Boys wasn’t a favorite of hers. She barely knew any songs, but Grandma Fern knew every one. It felt right to listen to the band on the way to her grandma’s house. But as soon as “Good Vibrations” started, she knew she had made a mistake. She wouldn’t use good vibration to describe the trip she was facing, but still she could see her grandma dancing in the kitchen as she made muffins to this song. Annie, of course, had to grab a spatula and sing the lead. To make matters worse, she was a good singer. Meanwhile, Ellie just watched and soaked up the moment. This Ellie would have told her younger self to feel free to join in, to not let it bother her that she was not a good singer or dancer, but to grab her grandma’s hand and twirl around with her. Ellie hadn’t felt the tear flowing down her cheek until it hit her chin. 

Ellie felt the car coming to a stop, but she knew they weren’t near her destination yet. 

“Must be a wreck up ahead,” the driver said. “Hope you don’t have to be somewhere soon. Waze is saying it could be a while.”

Great even more time in the car with this driver and the Beach Boys. Ellie reached to pull up the map on her phone before remembering it was dead. She didn’t have a way to tell her family she was running late now. 

The driver must have seen Ellie reach for her phone and then put it back down. “If you need a charger, I have an extra.”

“Thank you,” Ellie reached for the charging cord he passed to the backseat. Maybe his tip was about to go up. She waited what felt like an eternity for the Apple logo to appear. The playlist had made it to “Little Deuce Coupe” by then.

She still remembered the pride on her grandma’s face seeing her and Annie pull into the driveway for the first time in the car they had bought together. Annie was sure to tell Grandma Fern that she pitched in more money and that’s why she got to drive it first. 

Ellie laughed a little bit to herself. Her parents encouraged their independence and work ethic, wanting them to contribute to their first car. The choice they faced was to go in together with their parents' help and get a car when they turned 16 or wait until they saved up on their own. Ellie let Annie talk her into the “now” decision. What a disaster that was. Her parents played referee more with that than long road trips as children. But that afternoon was before all the fighting. They drove her all around Jackson that afternoon, taking turns at the wheel with Grandma always riding shotgun. 

Ellie reached in her purse for a tissue, trying not to catch the eye of the driver. Traffic was moving a bit better now. Her phone buzzed with a message from her mom checking on her. She responded that traffic was making her later than expected, but she was on her way and she got a thumbs up back. Ellie thought back to last night’s conversation with her mom trying to convince her to let her parents pick her up from the airport. They finally relented knowing they had things to take care of at the house, but still they worried especially after what the family had just been through. 

She looked back out the window to see the rain had stopped but raindrops still covered the window. One by one she watched them continue to fall or fly away. Like in life, some stick around longer than others, some move around and others stay in one place. Her grandma had lived in Jackson her entire life, but her mom moved away after she graduated, so the only trips to Jackson were to see Grandma Fern. 

“Should be less than 10 minutes now,” the driver said. “Have big weekend plans?”

“Just some time with family,” Ellie responded, her eyes never leaving the window. She didn’t want to engage any more. 

“That’s nice. My family all live out West, so I don’t get to see them much. Every time I go out there I wonder if it’s going to be the last time I see my Pops. He’s getting on up there, though I’d never tell him that,” the driver kept rambling. “But anyway, I always make sure to hug him tight before I leave, because you just never know. So always appreciate the time with family.”

Ellie kept staring out the window but tears clouded her vision. He was right, you never knew when it would be the last time. She thought about her last trip to Grandma Fern’s house at Christmas just as “Little Saint Nick” started to play. Her parents, Annie, Grandma and herself were all there together for several days. They even barely fought except when she knew Annie was cheating at cards. There’s no way she’d win that much. She and Annie stayed in the same room and talked until midnight like when they were girls. And when they got up the next morning, there was Grandma Fern making biscuits and gravy for everyone like she always had. Despite being over 80, you couldn’t slow her down or convince her that they could help. Grandma liked taking care of them. 

That’s why when Annie suddenly lost her job last year, Grandma was quick to offer a place to live. Annie had been more than thankful to move in with Grandma instead of her parents, and they could take care of each other. Ellie was always jealous of Annie. As twins it’s probably to be expected, but she was never more jealous of her when she got that time with Grandma.

Outside the window, the scenery got more familiar. Ellie took a deep breath bracing for what lie ahead. 

“Guess they are having a service this afternoon,” the driver said. They had stopped next to the cemetery. Ellie turned to face it, taking in another deep breath. She opened her mouth to respond but words didn’t come. Yes, there will be a service this afternoon. And the tent the men were setting up would be for her family. 

The light turned green, and the driver told Ellie they were almost at her destination as if she didn’t know that.

When he pulled into Grandma Fern’s driveway, she gathered her things and got out of the car after thanking him. She expected to see Annie at the door greeting her like she did when she arrived for Christmas, but it wasn’t her who came to the door. It was Grandma.

Grandma didn’t say a word but just wrapped her arms around her. Ellie let the tears fall freely onto her Grandma’s shoulder. She heard the sound of her whimpering crying that she had been holding in since she got the news of Annie’s death. She couldn’t believe it. Her twin, her other half, was gone.