How to Make a Delicious Dish of Revenge

How to Make a Delicious Dish of Revenge

Written by: A. A. 

Revenge is a dish that’s always been in my life—a comforting presence. Even as a kid, my mother told me stories about her high school years and the horrific things she’d do to those who wronged her. She told me that she slit the throat of the girl who stole her boyfriend. She torpedoed the life of a co-worker’s teenage daughter because that co-worker got the promotion. And there’s been worse. 

But, it is still important to me. So, I’m here teaching others how to make a sweet, cold, platter of revenge. I’ll be describing the most meaningful revenge I’ve ever taken for reference. Before we start, I’d like to apologize for the rambling I’m sure will fill this recipe. 

1. Think about who has wronged you recently. For me, it was the Eclipse Faction, but for you guys, it may be a parent, a sibling, a rival, or a romantic partner. Maybe you’ve been cheated on or maybe someone just has mocked you too many times. Focus on the person who caused you the most anger and pain. NOTE: If you want to take revenge against a government official, give up now. You’ll just get thrown in jail for life or gain a death sentence. And nobody wants that. 
2. Start planning. Planning is the most important phase. Also the funnest. Don’t be afraid to dream big. I dreamt about scraping members of the Eclipse Faction with the Shredder, a lovely little device used to shred delicate shavings of skin off of brittle old bones. Don’t worry, I obviously didn’t just stroll into a meeting of the Faction and just start shredding people to bits. You probably won’t be able to do your wildest dreams when it comes to revenge, but dreaming big is extremely cathartic. 
3. Settle on a plan. Now that you have your first inklings of devious plans, pick one, or combine multiple. You can’t do all your plans, and most are trash ideas that are going to fail. Some of my early, rage-filled plans just included me bombing the Eclipse Faction’s main meeting area, the Hall. But, I eventually settled on picking an expert team of assassins to help me take out members of the Eclipse Faction here. It was quite easy. Assassins are always a dime a dozen, but they’re ripe for the picking here in Milsten. 
4. Finalize the parts of your plan before putting it into action. You should make sure all your revenge plans are clear and concise. I recommend giving your plans to someone else to make sure that everything makes sense. My younger brother, Henry, looked at my plans and approved. He looked disappointed, but I told him that, “This will make us feel better". Actually, while we’re on the subject of family…
5. Ignore friends and family while making your decadent dish of revenge. Let’s be honest, friends and family will always disapprove of revenge. Henry said this “wouldn’t be what Mom and Dad wanted”. I laughed it off. I told him that this was exactly what they would’ve wanted. Mom trained me in the art of revenge, and they both deserve vengeance. They raised us with so much love, which is saying something. Half the kids at my college are beaten and abused and the other half don’t even have their parents around. 
6. Set your plans into motion. Time to take your revenge. Not much else to say on this, so I’ll provide my experience as an example. The morning of my vengeance, I was still preparing. The two assassins I hired, Edison and Terese, accompanied me. Terese was very quiet and focused, and Edison was charming and athletic. I was so sure they would be great assassins. So sure. You must think I’m gearing up for the reveal, that-gasp-they were failures. The truth is, I’m not quite sure, since they were dead before I could see their skills. 
7. Things go horribly wrong. Not really a step you want to take in vengeance plans, but more of a requirement. Just like with cookies, you’re bound to make mistakes when first baking them. And yes, this step is almost always mandatory, so good luck to you. When I invaded the Eclipse Faction’s main church as one of them, they were very clever. The assassins and I lined up to the Cutting Ceremony, and we were handed a blade. Although not many others were in the Hall that day, one major leader, Grand Superior Lix, was standing tall with his silver-green blade for the Ceremony. I could barely contain the hate that was spilling out. I slipped on a mask of neutrality, but I was so angry, that I just wanted to slip the dull golden blade into that snake’s heart. The other assassins looked ready, but first, we all had to play our parts. “Commence,” Lix had announced, and everyone cut a thin line of blood on the palm of their hand. The assassins and I had exchanged a quick, nervous glance before slicing into our hands. I winced - it still hurt. But inside I was smiling so eagerly since I would have my revenge. That eager happiness lasted for maybe 3 seconds before, as the congregation soon split into laughter. A wave of confusion hit me - not from laughter, but from the cut that seemed to be growing larger. The cut gaped wider and wider, oozing open. I remember seeing that Edison’s cut had grown in size, spliting him in two. His cold dead eyes were wide from shock. Terese’s cut was winding and quickly wrapped around her, like a sweet ribbon of death. Yeah, it was pretty horrifying at the time, but then things went dark. 
8. Fixing what went wrong. If your revenge plans went well, this step is not necessary. But, on the incredibly likely chance it did, this is for you. Since I’m still alive, I did survive the cut. And that’s because I had backup plans. Always be prepared for failure. The Eclipse Faction knew I was coming somehow. Not sure how, but that’s not exactly what I focused on when I woke up in the Hall tied to a chair and exposed. Lix and the other crazy Eclipse “Moonies” were sharpening their knives. “Ah good, she is awake!” he announced joyously. “Let us receive our reward, with a price paid in this girl’s blood.” He smirked at me, before whispering, “Say hi to your parents for me. Tell them of all the good fortune their deaths have bought me.” Horrified and angry as I was, I was calm-ish knowing my backup plans were in place. You see, I had encouraged some particularly devout members of the Black-Hearted to burn down the Hall. It had taken months for me to subtly (and not so subtly) influence them to invade and charge the Eclipse Faction. But it worked. After I woke up at the hospital, my brother told me that the Hall was severely damaged, and multiple members were wounded and killed. He told me that they managed to cut a long scar on my arm and that I was knocked out, but I got medical help in time. I was proud but disappointed. I wanted to see those jackals' faces as I kicked them to the ground and pushed my boot and blade into their heads and hearts. But I settled for having Lix dead. Told you, revenge isn’t always perfect. 
9. Celebrate! You did it! You got your revenge. Whether it be through murder, beatdowns, or psychological means, you hurt the people who hurt you. And it feels great! Even if you feel “empty”, it’s okay. Rest easy knowing that you’ve avenged your parents! Or whatever the reason your revenge has made you feel better. My brother, although disapproving, told Mom and Dad the good news. I’m sure they’re smiling at us down from the afterlife.

Ahem, sorry for the emotional tangents. Thanks so much for reading! Tell me of your wonderful revenge stories in the comments! 

-Aleecia A. 

Leave your comments in the section below: 

USER: Amy N. said: “Thanks so much for the helpful guide! You’re totally right, my parents looked worried when I told them that I wanted to kill Ben (my ex) but your guide helped me follow through. From the bottom of my black heart, thank you!” - 8/6/29, 5:31 pm

USER: Aleecia A. replied: “You are very welcome. Felt pretty great, right?” -8/7/29, 7:30 am

USER: Horace W. said: “My parents are dead too. How did you cope after you took revenge?” - 8/14/29, 12:38 pm

USER: Aleecia A. replied: “I didn’t really. I didn’t need to. I felt perfectly, absolutely fine. I still have my brother too.” - 8/18/29, 1:01 pm

USER: princess_star_sparkle said: “I hate the Eclipse Faction. Mum always says that there is a fine line between evil and true monstrousness. She's always ranting that the Black-Hearted never would cross the line to being a monster. Just out of curiosity, are you a Black-Hearted?” - 8/29/29, 6:37 pm

USER: Aleecia A. replied: “No, but I appreciate their ideals. And good, the Eclipse Faction deserves your hate.” - 9/2/29, 8:41 am

USER: bittertealeaf said: “Have you ever broken the 50-kill rule?” - 9/5/29, 6:50 pm

USER: Aleecia A. replied: “Never. No point in breaking it. I only take serious revenge like murder if it is truly and well deserved.” - 9/10/29, 3:19 pm 

USER: bittertealeaf replied: “You make a good point. I got jailed for a year, and now my limit is 45 per year. It’s awful. Now I can only make people suffer by using psychological torture. It’s fun too, but nothing beats making your targets tremble in fear before slicing off an ear or pulling out their hearts. - 9/12/29, 6:17 pm

USER: Aleecia A. replied: I don’t know how to respond to that, so I am putting an emoji to represent my feelings: 🤢. - 9/17/29, 5:35 pm 

USER: Henry A. said: “Are you happy Allie?” - 12/25/29, 12:09 am

USER: Aleecia A. replied: “Yes, very.” - 12/25/29, 12:10 am

USER: Henry A. replied: “Then where are you? I can’t even contact you.” - 12/25/29, 12:10 am

USER: Allie A. replied: “Henry, I can’t tell you.” - 12/25/29, 12:12 am

USER: Henry A. replied: “Come on sis, I miss you. Please come home.”- 12/25/29, 12:13 am

USER: Allie A. replied: “Not now. I have more dishes to make.” - 12/25/29, 12:16 am

USER: Henry A. replied: “Please. You’ve done enough to avenge Mom and Dad. Come home.” - 12/25/29, 12:20 am

USER: Henry A. replied: “Allie?”- 12/25/29, 12:47 am