Butter Betrayal

I searched all through my pantry for the butter cookies, I could have sworn I had another container of them. There was an intense frustration that shot through my synapses; mostly at myself for not remembering to buy the second container of cookies like I normally do. Where was my head when I went shopping that day?

"I guess I can get my steps in for the day," I said to myself, closing the pantry door.

My New Balance sneakers were by the front door on the shoe rack. Spring was halfway through its incumbency so I stepped into my kicks and out into the warm air, white t-shirt on and shorts. I've never been one to abhor the cool, crisp atmosphere that fall and winter bring, but not having to deal with the frigid air at this moment was amazing. It would have made me even angrier with myself for not just buying my second container of cookies.

Growing up in this city, and having traversed it all in my formative youth, I knew most of its nooks and crannies; I could tell you the best restaurant in downtown and also where to find the best weed on each side of the city. Near my apartment complex I chose to live in there is a corner gas station/convenient store. One of those old neighborhood corner stores, that has all of the classic snacks that reawaken childhood memories just by taking a whiff of the air. Aside from the butter cookies the windmill cookies were among my favorites. Those and the lemon ones. The store even had one of those archaic gas pumps outside, from like the thirties.

The store was only up the road, not even a quarter mile. I trotted down the stairs and out to the street where the sidewalk was. My building wasn't that far from the entrance. Once I reached the sidewalk I turned right and began walking. Each step was solid, I felt stable with each placing of each foot. The sun was setting and my shadow was cast in an elongated manner, stretching into the street. A car drove past and in my mind I thought, 'damn, my shadow got hit by a car'.

I straightened my gaze forward. I had reached the intersection, the store was in sight across the street. Cars flew past through the green light one by one. With each car that passed I created a story. Maybe they're excited about the leftovers they have in the fridge and want to get to them? Was work really that bad? Maybe they love their job and are just ready to get home and lay around naked? Maybe their spouse called and said get home soon, I'm ready?

Finally a red light came and I was able to step into the crosswalk. With each step I felt like I was walking into a past time, where my mother would allow me to walk to the store on my own to get snacks during summer. It was the closest thing to being an adult I had. Had I not been given that first glimpse of freedom who knows if I'd have the courage today that I need to succeed.

When I reached the front door I was a child again. The door was big and red, and the pillars that held the shelter above it were yellow. I swung the large door open and almost skipped inside. I nodded with a smile to greet the store clerk and began perusing the collection of titillating treats throughout the aisles. I caught the aroma of packaged gingersnaps and windmill cookies. It amazed me that there was still someone somewhere manufacturing these same freaking cookies from the nineties and beyond.

I went up and down the aisles, slightly excited at the vast assortment of goodies. However, the butter cookies weren't in the same place they normally were. The butter cookies were my main baby because I loved how you could put them on your finger like a ring and just nibble at them. I ate them that way since I was a kid.

Wanting nothing more than to have my mission accomplished, I went to the clerk as soon as I couldn't find the cookies. He may have had to change up the store so I figured I would ask and just save time.

"How's it goin' boss man," I said approaching the counter.

"Not bad my friend," he said.

"That's good. Say, I couldn't find the butter cookies over there, it looks like you guys changed the store up a little."

"Oh yeah we did change it around. We've made changes to what we carry now."

Then he paused for a split second with his teeth clenched, corners of his mouth stretching outward as to say, 'you're probably not going to like this'.

"You uh, don't carry butter cookies anymore do you?" I asked.

He shook his head, moving his mouth to the side, I suppose to say "sorry" or something. I was heated.

"That is whack as hell dude," I said with an exhale. "Alright, thanks anyway."

"Yeah, sorry about that man," the clerk said as I pushed through the red door.

I was instantly an adult again. The light at the intersection was red so I was able to cross the street as soon as I stepped out of the store. Good thing, I needed to get away from that store. I felt betrayed.

Once across the street I looked back at the store again. In the window I saw the clerk moving about, putting things on shelves. Then he stopped and went behind the desk and bent to grab something. He stood back up and I saw him place something around his finger, and he began nibbling at it.