Bleak Uncertainty

I picked at the nasty slob of feces I had stepped on. I gagged. Holly laughed.

“What’s so funny?” I said, gritting my teeth. My nerves were frayed. I threw the stick to the floor.

“The way you gagged. It’s just funny.” She said.

“Well if this piece of-"

“Language.” Said Aaron. He was the leader of our small three person group. He found each of us in worn down buildings. 

He tossed me a wet cloth. It reeked of alcohol. “Use that to wipe off the-“

“Shh. Did you hear that?” Said Holly.

We all stopped. Silence ensued.

“No.” I said.

“Wait. I hear it.” Said Aaron. “It’s coming from the floor above us.”

“We should leave.” Said Holly. She was the youngest of all of us. Only fourteen.

“I’ll look.” said Aaron. “Holly, take care of Matthew. Make sure he doesn’t get scared off.”

“Haha.” I said. “This isn’t a joke you guys.” I whispered harshly. I feared the person above would hear us.

“We could get hurt.” I continued. “We don’t know what’s up there.”

“Ah. But remember our goal, guys.” Said Aaron. “I didn’t leave you two behind. Besides I have my handy Swiss knife. I’ll be careful.”

Holly and I relented as Matthew made his way up the stairs. The halls were dark. The sunlight didn’t penetrate through the crumbled walls.

Holly reached for my sleeve. I let her. 

We waited.

Our hearts beat loudly in the silence.

We heard a thump and then steps running down from the staircase. We braced for our end or whatever was going to happen next. Fear paralyzed me. 

I was ashamed.

“Guys. Oh my god.” Aaron said. “It’s a dog!”

I loosed a shaky breath and Holly let go of my sleeve. “A dog?” She squealed. “Let’s name him Matt. After Matthew.”

“He’s sick though.” Aaron said glumly. He crossed his arms. “I think he came here to die.”

“Oh.” Holly said. She bit at her lower lip. A bad habit she had developed.

“We can stay here tonight with him. Then we go. Come on.”

We followed Aaron upstairs, kicking away at the broken pieces of furniture. The dust flew up from the floor as we walked upstairs.

There was a dog slumped on the floor. He was a black dog. I couldn’t tell was species he was. Only that he was medium sized and thin. His bones protruded from his chest.

He was a skeleton. He opened his eyes to look at us and then shut them.

“Oh.” Holly went to it and kneeled next to it, placing a hand on its head.

 “He needs food, Aaron.” Holly said.

“Holly...” he hesitated. “We barely have enough for ourselves. And this dog... he won’t live. It’s too late for him.”

Holly nodded. She buried her face into its bony shoulders and stayed that way for a while.

“The sun is going down. We can stay here for tonight. Then we move.”

Holly and I stayed up during the early night as Aaron slept. When our eyes grew heavy, we woke him. Although we haven’t encountered anyone yet, Aaron liked to take precautions. So we took turns taking watch.

He took watch and we fell asleep on the floors, using our arms as pillows.

~

I awoke with a start. 

I felt disgusting. None of us had had a shower for months now. We were fortunate enough to find wipes. Not meant for our skins, but we were beyond caring.

Holly was crying next to the dog. Aaron was asleep.

“Is he... dead?” I said.

She shook her head. Holly had her crying bouts. We all did. Usually we ignored each other when we cried. We were going through the same things. It was hard to accept our new lives.

Aaron, usually upbeat was sullen sometimes. Once, his face was blotched red and we made no comment of it. 

I missed fast food. 

I missed my mom and dad.

Holly lost her entire family.

Aaron lost his parents and his brother. 

But we all pulled through. We survived.

It meant something. Didn’t it?

Holly wiped at her nose with a long sleeve. Despite the heat, we all wore long sleeves and pants to protect ourselves from the dust and the oppressive heat.

The quake was on a massive scale. And the meteors that struck were like bombs that went off one by one. A thick film of dust still coated the world. 

There were little to no survivors. We held on to the hope that whole world wasn’t affected by it. Maybe it was only our country.

“If this dog survived, maybe there are others nearby.” I said.

“More dogs?” Holly sniffled.

“No. More people.” I said.

“What if they’re dangerous?” Holly said.

“We have a Swiss knife.” Aaron said. He had woken up. He always held on to it, tied to the loop on his jeans. He fiddled with it now.

“You know my family always made fun of me for carrying one around. I would tell them, 'you never know when it will be useful'…”

I stood and stretched my legs.

“Ready to go?” Aaron said. 

Holly nodded. She stood and walked away from the dog. Aaron stared at it. Hesitant. And then he signaled for us to go.

 We left the dog behind.

Holly cried.

A lump formed in my throat. My voice cracked and I cleared it by coughing. “We need to fill up or gallons.” 

We were following a river that would hopefully lead us to other survivors. It was full of debris and junk, but it was all we had.

We were fortunate to survive this long with a dirty river.

We walked towards the river and Holly mumbled something about feeling sick. We sat near the murky water and pulled down our cloth face coverings. We had grown accustomed to the dust, but again, Aaron liked taking precautions.

“It will go away soon.” Aaron said to Holly. “Here. Breakfast.” He said tossing her a can of beans. 

She ate a few mouthfuls and then handed it to me. Using my hands I scooped some into my mouth.

Then I handed it to Aaron. Holly always ate first. Then me. Then Aaron.

Holly threw up the contents. She groaned. 

I looked away towards Aaron who had just finished the beans. He went to Holly and rubbed her back.

“Better?”

“I don’t feel good.” She said. “I want to sleep.”

“We can’t stop now. Come on. I’ll carry you.” He knelt and turned his back to Holly. She crawled onto his back. We walked for a long time until the sun— which wasn’t visible, but still gave us light somehow—turned into sunset.

My stomach growled. Holly said nothing the entire walk. Neither did Aaron.

His face was haggard and the stubble on his beard was growing out. He shaved it with his army knife and holly had used it to cut her own hair and helped with cutting his.

“We’ll stop here.” Aaron said. Holly stepped off his back and sat on the floor. She was trembling.

“Whats wrong with her?” I said to Aaron, out of Holly's earshot.

“I don’t know. I don’t think she’s going to make it.” Aaron said softly. 

We have been together for four months now. I counted the days. It probably wasn’t accurate, but still. At least it was somewhat accurate.

I didn’t want Holly to die. She was too young. 

“Damn, I wish I was a doctor.” Aaron said.

“Even if you were, we don’t have any medicine. We have nothing.’’

The next day Holly was too weak to move. 

“Please don’t leave me behind.” She said weakly. 

“No, no, Holly. We aren’t leaving you. Come on, get on my back.” Aaron said.

She whimpered on her spot on the floor. We managed to sit her up and we continued our walk.

The silence was pressing in on me. Only our footsteps and the sound of water kept me grounded to reality. 

We ate our second to last can. A part of me was selfishly glad about the extra serving. We had more scoops because Holly didn’t want any. 

What was the point of surviving anymore? We were the only ones left on this planet. Maybe it was our turn to become extinct.

I was terrified. Holly was perfectly fine three days ago. What if Aaron got sick too? I didn’t want to be alone. I couldn’t be alone. 

“You all right, Matt?” Aaron said. He glanced at me.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” I said.

“You started breathing heavily. Like a mini panic attack.”

I wanted to tell him that I was afraid. I didn’t want to know what would happen to us. Everything was so bleak. The uncertainty was killing me.

Instead I said, “What are we going to do about Holly?”

“I hope she pulls through. We’ll see how she feels by tomorrow. Just a bit more walking and then we rest.”

The next morning Holly wouldn’t move. We checked her pulse and there was nothing. At least she hadn’t died alone. Aaron had sat next to her all night. 

And so had I.

Tears pricked at my eye sockets. I felt numb.

Aaron cried silently. He pressed his hands onto his eyes and we both remained there for a while.

We silently layed her body on a spot we cleaned up for her. We kicked away the debris and broken pieces of dead trees.

We continued our walk in silence only stopping to eat our last can of food.