The Captain.

During the day, I would try and sleep, but the heat made it almost impossible. We worked at night, when the air was cool. We found nothing, but the Captain was determined to find this secret fishing area, a place he had heard about one drunken night at the Whispering Sea Horse. 

It was an old 1950's fishing boat. Huge nets hung from both sides. In the Hull was the quarters. Two hammocks hung low on opposite ends of the grey metal walls. A circular window was next to my hammock, on the opposite wall hung a circular mirror. An old red wood desk sat in the middle and in front of it was a worn stool.

A photo of a pretty woman and her young son sat on the Captain's desk. His wife? I couldn't imagine anyone being married to the Captain.

As I laid in my bunk, I watched the Captain as he hunched over the map, mumbling and cursing, recalculating the coordinates. The kerosene lantern flickered, casting great shadows on the damp walls.

Had he slept? Eaten anything? I couldn't remember.

He grew irritable and frustrated at the tiniest of things. Staying out of his way in such small spaces was impossible and I would often retreat to my bunk, stare out of the small circular window and watch the clouds. This gave me a sense of calm, but it didn't last long.

We dragged the nets, trawling, into late hours of the night and early morning, but would be met with sour disappointment and frustration. Household items, number plates and empty bottles would get caught in the nets, it was my job to retrieve these items in a fast manner. The Captain sat watching, his red dry eyes on me, waiting for me to screw it up. What little fish we did catch, we ate, just to keep us alive.

I was sick of this boat, the grey wet walls. I was sick of the late nights and the hot humid days. I was sick of the Captain and the fish. Every meal was the same. Fish. We had no way of cooking it, so we ate it raw. I couldn't remember not having fish. I tried to broach the subject of our depleted food rations one evening. 

"If a night goes by where we don't catch anything, we will die... We should turn around, Lets get back to land" I pleaded. I was met with a glare from his dry distant eyes. He did not respond to my concerns. The Captain's body showing signs of weakness, his pale leathery skin stretched over his bones.

We ate our raw fish, in silence.

I couldn't remember the last time the boat moved under its own power. Had we run out of fuel? Perhaps he navigated only during the day, as I slept. Everything looked the same. I couldn't tell, I was afraid to ask the Captain. This thought however, sent me into a panic that we were stranded. Lost at sea. 

One day a memory had appeared in my head. I remembered an island we had passed days or weeks ago, I couldn't remember exactly when. I had to really strain. The fog on my brain made it difficult to think. But I pushed through, deep in thought. I could remember leaving land. Me waving and smiling. The sun was setting. The clouds golden and pink. But when was that?

The Captain cleared his throat and yanked me from my thoughts. He looked at me. As if he could hear my thoughts, "You got us here... You did this," he hissed.

More blame, he couldn't take responsibility.

"All you do is just sit there, and watch me pull in the nets. You do nothing but complain. When's the last time you sat behind the wheel this boat? You're no Captain. You have no plan!" I exclaimed.

Once again that night, we caught nothing but a few small fish. Frustration filled the air, as I walked down to the quarters with three small fish in my fist. I threw one of the fish at him. It landed on the floor in front of his feet.

"Move the fucking boat to another location!" I yelled. My body shook with rage and hunger as I ripped the head from the fish's body.

He let out a manic laugh, a cackle. His tears of laughter were caught in the deep lines on his dry leathery face. The tear dried against the salt of his skin. He showed no signs of living for anything.

"What about your wife and child?! Don't they mean anything to you?!" I yelled and pointed at the photo on his desk. He stopped laughing, his face grew fierce and inches from my own.

"You know the pain more than anyone. Friend," he whispered. Then another cackle, the whites of his eyes bright against the lantern flame.

He made no sense, he had lost his mind.

***

The next morning was clear with great blue sky and calm waters. The sun's heat soaking into the boat as it rocked back and forth. The current pushed us in some unknown direction. I walked around the deck, searching for the island, I could use it to get a bearing and find the direction needed to get back to solid ground, but it wasn't in sight, not a damn thing was in sight. Nothing but deep ocean waters all around us, in every direction. I screamed loudly in frustration. The sound of my own voice startled me.

I quietly stepped down to the quarters and peered my head in. The room was empty. He wasn't there. I went to the Captain's desk to find his map. The woman with the child in the photo looked at me. I paused and held it in my hands. Her slight smile and blue eyes captured my gaze. The small boy next to her, shared the same sandy brown hair. He gave a full smile. I heard a noise. I placed the photo back and looked over my shoulder towards the door. 

Nothing.

I quietly pulled out the draw, grabbed the map and unfolded it. I was met with a mess of red and blue lines, circles and crosses. It covered most of the surface. Making out anything was difficult, I squinted and held my face close. The map was inches from my dry and itchy eyes as I tried to find our position under the mountain of ink. 

I had found the island on the map. It wasn't a dream, it did exist. A small green dot sat under my finger, marking the spot. As I continued to look for where we might be, suddenly the map was pulled. The sound of paper tearing beneath my fingers. I stepped back hard against the desk, confused. I looked up, the Captain was furious, his face bright red, a film of sweat covered his skin. He scowled at me, his breath reeked of old fish. His shaky finger slowly raised, his top lip quivered, pulled back, yellow stained teeth showing beneath his dry salt crusted beard. He shouted with such ferocity, "it's you! You're the one tampering with my map!" His chest was heaving with great breaths. He looked down and ran a hand through his damp thinning hair, then he whispered almost to himself, "you want me to fail," he said quietly, as if he were thinking out loud. He seemed surprised by his words, and looked at me and raised his voice to a bellow, "you are not fit to be on this ship!" I suddenly felt the slap of his hand against my face. He ripped the map in two and let it fall to the ground.

"You've gotten us lost! Just admit it!" I yelled. 

Silence. 

I walked off in frustration. 

That night I sat opposite from the Captain, his eyes flickered from the dim kerosene lantern. I loathed him. I was sick of seeing him as much as I was sick of this raw fish. This heat. This boat. His stench. He didn't take his eyes off mine, nor did I take my eyes off his. We sat on the ground. We slowly chewed our raw fish. We ate in silence.

The lantern moved shadows across his face. 

Why was he looking at me?

"Stop looking at me!" I barked.

He said nothing and continued to stare, his sunken eyes black from shadow.

Without thinking, I got up. He got up. With all my strength, I swung my fist towards the Captain's face. I let out a grunt and felt the crack. Searing hot pain shot up through my hand. I looked down. And with surprise, saw that my fist was encrusted with white diamonds and red rubies that sparkled in the dull yellow light. 

Blood dripped down my arm and on to my bare dirty foot. I looked back at the Captain. In front of me was a fractured web of the Captains crusty beard. Pieces missing from his face. I look down at my hand, now relaxed. A blade of mirrored glass embedded between the knuckles of my hand. It reflected sunken eyes. It reflected a grey beard. I stood looking at this for sometime, caught between realities. I slowly pulled out the shard, and watched dark blood spill onto the cabin floor. I stood alone.

I yelled until I was gasping for air. The blood caused me to slip and I fell on to the cold splintered wood.

As I laid on my back, next to me was the torn and bloody map, underneath it laid the photo of the woman and child, and a letter. The letter caught my eye, it had a star fish and boat drawn on it with red and blue crayons.

I slowly turned and picked it up. It was written in blue ink. 

"My love, My Sam. 

Charlie and I cannot wait to have you back. You have told me the two weeks will go by just like that. Its hard to watch you leave. Charlie and I will miss you with all our hearts. Please be safe my love."

I cried and placed the letter on my chest. Bloody fingerprints soaked into the paper.

The letter was dated four months ago.