All that glitters

All that glitters 

It was a cold October night in 1981. The streets still showing traces of snow that had fallen the day before. The wind, so cold I could see my breath. My hands half frozen as I tried to protect them from the chill that seemed to fill my entire body. This was not a place for any fifteen year old girl, yet here I was, cold hungry and underdressed. With each step came thoughts of where I had been and the realization of where I was now. 

  A week earlier I was staying in an apartment in Seattle, but that was before, “that night.” The night I was jumped by three girls who had shown up to a housewarming party my roommate and I were having in our new place, leaving me in a bathroom soaked and dripping with my own blood. I managed to fill the tub and lay in the tub fully clothed while the water in the tub turned a light shade of pink, drifting off only to wake after the water had turned cold.  As I gathered my bearings I noticed sitting across from me in the same tub, was a fully dressed guy who apparently after using the bathroom decided it looked like a good idea to lay opposite of me in the tub. Yet for some reason that did not bother me. Just a really nice drunk guy from Portland Oregon as it turned out. As I stood to get out of the tub I caught a reflection of myself in the mirror, I was horrified as the terror filled my body. My eyes swollen, face bruised, and body aching, all I could do was cry as the poor drunk guy tried to reassure me, saying things like it’s going to be ok. It's not as bad as it looks and that will heal in no time. I was so grateful to have him there in a way his words were actually needed for me to find the courage to venture out of the bathroom to see if the girls were still there. Finding the only other person in the apartment to be my passed out roommate I breathed a sigh of relief. Only to have a wave of what happens if they come back ? I have to get out of here, but to where how? As I gathered myself together washing up and dressing myself in clean cloths the guy from the bathtub introduced himself as Brad. We talked about what had happened and just as teenagers do, decided the safest thing to do would be to go to Portland Oregon, and I did have a ride after all. Logic was definitely not my strong point at this point in my life. So off to Portland I headed not thinking about how I would survive once I got there and found myself alone in a strange city.  Fear had motivated me to leave one bad situation for another.

   I knew that I had to find a way to get some money, panhandling from the day before had left me with barely enough to buy a cheeseburger. I didn’t know what was ahead of me but desperation had taken its toll and I was now walking among the kind of people who at one time would have terrified me. As I rounded the corner of a block known only as camp to many, I ran smack dab into a tall thin man who after looking me up and down could only manage to ask me where my shoes were.  

 “I don’t have any “I told him, to which he replied “girl we got to get you some shoes. It is way too cold out here for you to be going around in sandals’,  I didn’t know what to think, all I knew was I was cold and a pair of shoes would be nice. So we walked together from downtown to North West Portland where he introduced himself as Brian and said he was trying to hustle up some money. He then took me to Fred Myers and bought me a pair of tennis shoes. But instead of taking me back down town he dropped me off at his apartment with his boyfriend. I was scared and hungry but soon felt safe and full. Brian’s boyfriend's name was John. He was my age and from New York. He had come to Portland to live with his father, who had left the family after announcing he himself was Gay and was moving to Portland to find a new life.

  Brian and John were kind to me allowing me to sleep on the sofa and making sure I always ate. The apartment was small. It barely had enough room for two well enough three. But they shared everything they had without complaint. As the second week rolled around and I gained my courage I started following Brian downtown on his nightly walk towards the place so well known for its drugs and prostitution. I would walk around with him until someone would pick him up and then duck into the video arcade.

  I wasn’t unlike any other teen my age, well unless you count the fact I was being taken care of by a gay prostitute and his boyfriend. But the sounds and sights of that arcade called me to it each night, just as it did every other teen in there. I began meeting people and feeling more comfortable. This however did not make Brian happy. He worried about me much like a mother hen. He would spend the days warning me about the people I was spending my evenings playing games with. “Girl they are going to take advantage of you’ he would say, ‘you can’t trust them. ‘ If the opportunity should arise they will have your ass on that corner making money for them”.  John would try to come to my rescue but knew what Brian was doing to pay their rent. So instead he would try to change the conversation to growing up in New York, or whatever he could think of off the top of his head. Generally I would tell Brian in my own smart ass way, wisdom not yet being one of my strong points, that I did know what I was doing, even though I didn’t.  

 After a while the guys started inviting their friends over for game nights, allowing me to meet them all. I spent a lot of night having dinner in that small apartment where I was the only girl in a room full of guys, who might otherwise have never associated with me. But through this experience I learned that friends come in all different sizes and shapes. I was never one to mince words so our conversations often involved a question and answer session in which I learned about their lifestyle. Then one night they introduced me to a friend of theirs named Terry. Terry was a very good looking guy who lived with two older gentlemen in South East Portland. After a few visits to Brian and Johns he was allowed to take me home with him. We drove and chatted on the way as if we had been friends forever.  I walked into his house with amazement as to how nice it was. I was greeted by two Dobermans who had to be told I was ok in order to enter. I was then taken through a huge kitchen filled with the smells of dinner cooking and told I could take a seat at the breakfast bar. As I did a thin older gentleman came over and introduced himself. He was polite but cautious, as he offered me something to drink. We all sat there a while talking before the gentleman excused himself stating he had to get dinner ready for his partner who would be home very soon. As I was finally feeling a little more comfortable I allowed myself to take it all in. But soon fell into a type of comfort I hadn’t known for quite a while as the gentleman had me sample some of the bread he had baked. I got the feeling he would have made a great mother.  

  Soon the other gentleman came home from work. He was not as comfortable around me but explained that his lifestyle could lead to the loss of his job. I became very aware how my presence must have felt dangerous to them, but couldn’t help but feel like they should know I wasn’t out to hurt anyone. After dinner and helping with the dishes, Terry and I went to his room to hang out. We were close to the same age and had a lot in common so we were never short on something to talk about. I poked through his things asking him question after question. He would just smile and answer each one like it was all he ever wanted to do. We listened to music and laughed about everything as we got stoned together. He was everything a girl my age wanted in a boy. Later that night we were called into the living room, where we were asked to watch a movie with the older gentlemen who had by now become comfortable enough to be themselves. As the movie began, it dawned on me this was the first time in a long time; I was sitting in a friend’s house and watching a movie with their family. It was a strange feeling to be snuggled next to a wonderful boy without fear. To be accepted for who I was, just as I was at that moment. The movie was the Blue Lagoon and I will never forget where I saw it the first time.  

 Terry and I remained friends for a long time until years later when he moved to Salem Oregon sometimes.

with some other guys. But he made a difference in my life along with Brian and John. I was a scared little girl in a very dark world when a man whom society might see as worthless bought me a pair of shoes and taught me love and kindness comes from places you least expect it