Had it been some other day

She has always had a fondness for chilly winter mornings. When the sun shies away from rising and the fog engulfs everything. The respite that the short winter brings from the heat is nothing compared to the cold wind brushing her cheeks and the warmth that she feels when she slips her hands into her pockets. Had it been some other day, she would have held her head up high and would have enjoyed every moment out in the cold. The tip of her tiny nose would be red from the cold wind and she would release a cloud of fog every time she spoke. But today, her head hung low and she walked in silence.

As she climbed up the stairs, she could feel the back of her throat burn. She had been running around for over an hour now. Had it been some other day, she would have loved to be out and enjoy the cool breeze, but today her fiery rage would not let her do it. She wanted to scream, she wanted to shout but at that moment, she could barely manage to cuss under her breath. She did not cuss at someone or something, she cussed at herself, knowing too well that she was the reason of her misery.

“You got lucky once, you got lucky twice, but you won’t always be lucky!” and its various iterations echoed in her head. The words crushed her and the wind howling in her ears only made them more haunting. She had never played heed to them, considered them insults hurled at her, to belittle her hard work. She wanted to bury her head and dampen those words. Had it been some other day, she would have hummed a song and would have gotten it out of her mind but today she could not. But today, she was embarrassed that those words seemed to be true. Her efforts vanished in thin air and now they were nothing more than a handful of scribbled notes.

She had a reputation for being easy going but dedicated which was a deadly combination of traits, as crisp as the air around her. She was awfully dedicated to whatever she did but was always calm and composed no matter. Never fretting over petty matters such as collecting data, the word count or even the deadline, for she knew she was thorough and was sure she to get to them in abundant time. Those who knew her better called her over confident but as usual, she had complete disregard for them. Had it been some other day, she would have shrugged it off but today she was brooding over that thought.

Climbing up and down the stairs, running around from one class to the next, was tiring but what took a toll on her was her sense of loss. Not only did she loose her shot at the internship, which she thought would be the star on her university applications, she also let down her team mates, two other individuals with their own dreams and aspirations which she destroyed. It took her some while to process that she missed out the opportunity but when she figured so did her mates because of her, it completely shattered her. They had worked together very closely, perfecting their data, perfecting their papers and they applied as a team. Had it been some other day, she would have greeted them with a head nod, but today she didn’t even have the courage to see them.

Her heart pounded and her soul danced when she got to know that they were selected for the internship. She was overjoyed and did a thorough research about the firm and how the internship would highlight her strengths and what she would gain from it. Had it been some other day, the thought would motivate her even further to analyze the field quicker and confirm her internship. But today it twisted her stomach. All they had to do was submit a form, their project thesis and specify the field where they wanted to carry out their internship in. She wanted to make sure that she should get ample exposure and couldn’t decide the field. She spent hours scrolling online, reading polls and understanding what the field would offer her, which field suited her skills the best. The more she read, the more indecisive she became.

She couldn’t decide what she wanted to do, swaying from side to side based on what she read. Some sites claimed the first field was tailor made for her, the other sites said she would be a disaster working there. Some quizzes said her personality type was apt for the second field, while others said it was the last field. She could not put her finger on one for her life. Not metaphorically but literally. This opportunity was the ‘make or break’ factor of her career and subsequently her whole life lying ahead of her. Had it been some other day, she would think “make my life” and be smug about it, but today, she felt small.

As she dragged herself along the final flight of stairs all she could think of were figs, plump figs falling off of trees. Had it been some other day, she might have simply brushed it off, too foolish to understand its moment, but today she truly understood it and even appreciated its beauty. A strange juxtaposition pained her even more.

The sun could rise a little late on a cold winter morning like that day and nobody would be affected, but when she was late by a day, one hour, for crying out loud, a lot happened. She was exhausted by now, but she couldn’t stop. She stopped outside the headmaster’s office. She had been there ample times, and was always beaming with pride. Had it been some other day, she would have walked right in knowing that she would be lauded. But today, she stood outside for a while, desperately trying to gather her thoughts.

It was a melee of thoughts. But the one that struck out the most to her was her bugging her teammates over and over again to fill the applications as soon as possible. While she bombarded them with reminders, she forgot to do it herself. “Couldn’t they remind me? Couldn’t they check on me? Even once? Does it always have to be me?” But somewhere, she knew it was all her fault. She would always get agitated anytime someone tried following up. She assured them that it would be done and they believed her. When she did finally make up her mind and logged in at 1 AM to complete her application, she found out she missed the deadline by an hour. An hour! Had it been some other day, she would know exactly what to do about it, and would be quick to her feet. But today, she froze. She sat there, before her laptop in utter dismay. She could not have possibly missed it. She had walked into the waiting room while she was thinking, and the lady at the reception now gestured her to go into the headmaster’s cabin.

The headmaster had been informed beforehand about the fiasco and he knew why she was there. She was there to request him to write to the firm as the school headmaster and assure them that she was indeed a bright, dedicated student and would be a great intern, delivering whatever would be assigned to her to the best of her capability. He knew that it was a mistake, something that could be dismissed but there was nothing he could do.

“The team and I worked very hard for the opportunity and we were all very excited to work there and learn sir. Had it been some other day- “

“But it is not some other day, miss. It is today. And you had to do it by today. You had ample time to complete your application. I understand that it was indeed a tough decision to make but, alas, there is nothing I can do.”

She did not hear anything he said. The first few words struck her like a blow to her heart. She had a chance, a shot, but she lost it. Was it her indecisiveness or her complacence or something else which lead to this? She had to find it and live with it. All that remained now where todays, yesterdays and the next days but no ‘other days.’