The Hot Waitress

“Should we go to that brunch place where we both wanted to fuck the waitress?” she said to her lover with a smirk, as she finger-brushed her wet hair and fastened her towel tight over chest.

“What? We both wanted to…?” He sat on her bed, looking back at her with confusion. She laughed.

“I mean, not actually. We just both thought she had a cool style, and we were afraid to order anything that wasn’t up to her approval.”

Simon was still quiet. Scanning his brain.

He seemed to become overcome with a peaceful wave of remembrance, and smiled. “Oh yeah”. 

This was not going how she anticipated, but I guess she didn’t give herself time to really anticipate what the reaction would be.  After all, Ally rarely thought before she spoke.

She looked at him, wanting to slice open his head and see what image came to his mind. Was it the same one as her? 

The cute, curvy, curly haired waitress with the mini skirt?  It was a bold choice that Ally admired. Almost like a waitress costume from an old 80’s movie, complete with full glam and a shaggy hairstyle of the era to complete the look. And she certainly played the part. When Ally picked a glass of sparkling rosé from the menu, the waitress made a face.

“Is that one not good?” Ally asked.

“Well, it depends on what you like”

“What do you like?” she said, their freckled faces and blue eyes meeting. 

“Hmm. I usually prefer something more dry. The french one is good”

“Let’s do that, then. I trust your taste” Ally handed the waitress the menu, matching her confidence with a feigned submissiveness. 

This happened again when Simon ordered a pulled pork sandwich. The waitress paused, and twirled her pen. Simon looked at her like a child nervously asking the slightly older babysitter if he could stay up a little later.

“Is that okay?” 

She took her time. At this point, she had to have known she had full control over these two.

“Yeah, just trying to think if we are out of pulled pork. But I think we’re good.”

Ally just stared at the interaction, her mouth agape.

“Oh great, then yeah. I’ll get that”, Simon confirmed.

The waitress waltzed away. Ally giggled, poking fun at Simon for falling into the waitress’s little trap. 

For Simon, he was into the look. A self-proclaimed “film bro”, he saw himself as a lead character in an 80’s movie, and this waitress was nailing her supporting role as sexy waitress. For Ally, it was more about the way she manipulated both of them. It inspired her.

On a deeper level, she felt like Simon wanted to fuck the waitress, and she wanted to be able to compete. Not with the waitress, but with Simon himself. Maybe he would be jealous if he saw Ally’s sexual prowess in action for someone else–someone he himself is attracted to as well. 

But now Ally regretted her bold joke. It was just another attempt at her trying to remind herself and her lover that she was bisexual. And what a cool bisexual thing to say! “Remember when we both wanted to fuck the waitress?” It was more vulgar than the memory itself, of course, but the sentiment was supposed to be “how interesting that we can both be attracted to the same person, and also each other? I’m a cool girl! I’m sure of myself and my identity!”

But now she wished she never said it at all. Simon was still quiet. A person of action more than words. He had just picked her up from the airport again, this time with a cold bottle of her favorite sparkling water in the cupholder. But he was lacking in the “words of affirmation” category. This was usually okay for her, but after having been away from him for so long, she desperately needed his validation.

“Simon”

“What’s up”

“Are you still thinking about the waitress? I never should have brought that up. I was kidding when I said that. But now it seems like you’re thinking about her”

Fantasizing was more of the word she was looking for, but she didn’t want to push it with the dramatics.

He was slow to respond. If it was possible to clench your heart, Ally was doing that.

“Oh, well I just forgot about that. But yeah, she was attractive”

It took him too long to say this for Ally’s liking. Every second that he hadn’t responded, Ally had filled in the blanks for him in her mind. She assumed his male gaze was mulling over every detail that he had forgotten about: the waitress’s shaggy curls framing her face, and how her bangs would look matted down with sweat on her forehead. Her thick thighs rubbing together underneath her little black skirt. Her button up collared shirt being ripped open in a bathroom stall. How she could dominate either of them if she wanted to.

“Okay, well if you wanna go fuck her, then by all means. Go for it. I don’t know why we’re even talking about this”

“Ally, what? You were the one who just brought it up.”

“Yeah, it was supposed to be a passing joke. Not something to actually get into. But now I feel weirdly jealous, and also insane for feeling jealous, since .…I brought it up”

She was suddenly frustrated with his inability to quickly reframe “after airport lunch” with “lunch when Ally and Simon had that hot 80s movie waitress”, and move on. His slow thinking was now causing her insecurity. Maybe they were incompatible? Why had it taken her so long to realize this?

Simon grabbed her in a bear hug.

“Are you being serious? She’s not the one I’ve been thinking about for the past ten days, waiting to come back from a trip.”

“....doesn’t mean you don’t want to fuck her instead of me.”

“Ally. I can’t believe we’re having this convo. Should I be upset with you for saying you wanted to fuck her too?”

“I was kind of kidding, though. I want to be able to know I can make a joke about being attracted to someone without you stopping to fantasize about them in the present, Jesus.”

“Fantasizing?! I was just processing what you said.”

“Okay, well now that I actually remember how it went, I’m getting pissed all over again. Remember when she came around after I had tried the rosé, and I started to tell the waitress how much I liked it, but you interrupted me to tell her it was good? Even though you hadn’t even taken a sip? And when she walked away I said ‘jeez, I was already telling her I liked it. I’m nice too, Simon’ and you stared at me blankly. That was messed up.”

“I interrupted you? I was just filling the silence and letting her know you liked the recommendation. I was anxious, I guess, I don’t know.”

“Anxious that if you didn’t compensate for my ‘rudeness’ she wouldn’t want to fuck you? You’re disgusting.”

“How did this turn into a fight? This wasn’t even a fight when it happened.”

“Ugh. If you could just process more quickly, this wouldn’t be an issue.”

“Okay, well fuck me then. This is all my fault. You’re smart and can joke about anything you want and I’m just a dumb horny man who isn’t allowed to react to anything you say”

Ally and Simon stare at each other. The words floating there for a minute.

It was only the two of them in Ally’s one-bedroom apartment, and she just remembered who she was.

Looking at him still, she slowly let her towel drop to the floor. First exposing her breasts, then stomach, and legs. She watched him take in her image, turned on by his desire for her. She softly grabbed his hand and put on her own ass, and pressed her chest against his. She got close to his ear, and whispered,

“I’m sorry for getting upset. I was jealous and I shouldn’t have been. I missed you so much”

Simon pulled her closer. 

“I missed you too.”

They fall to the bed. Simon kissing Ally all over. He nibbles her soft, taut stomach and it growls.

She giggles nervously. “Yikes, guess we still have to pick a place to go for lunch”

Still holding her, he takes note of the way her freshly shampooed, damp hair feels against his five o’clock shadow. He breathes in her scent.

“Should we go to that place where that hot waitress wanted to fuck us?”

“I hate you” she smiles, and kisses his cheek.