Sleepless nights

     “I can’t sleep.” A son said to his father. 

     “Ok. It’s what? 3 am? That sounds like a nice time to get up.” The father said and got up. 

     He stretched and picked up the 5 year old. He had just put him to bed 2 hours ago and 2 hours before that. 

     “Do you just get lonely or something?” 

     The little boy only shrugged. 

    “Are you hungry? I’m kinda hungry.”

     Another shrug. The father placed his son on the kitchen counter while he made a sandwich. 

    “You know, we can’t keep doing this every night.” He told his little son, who didn’t seem to have a problem with this arrangement. 

     With 3 little words after sunset he had his father’s undivided attention, (and maybe a few cookies). It was something he rarely had before night time. 

     His father grabbed the cookie jar that Ky wasn’t allowed to touch and got a cookie for himself. 

     “Can I have a cookie?” Ky asked. 

      His dad put the cookie jar back on top of the fridge. There were 3 cookie jars in the kitchen. He took a bite of the cookie from the forbidden cookie jar and nodded. 

     Ky smiled and scrambled over to the kitty cat cookie jar on the other side of the counter. Ky was an expert at crawling across counter tops. The cookie jar he wasn’t allowed to touch was shaped like a coffee pot. Ky grabbed a cookie and ate it. 

     After cookie time, which Ky loved, his dad swept him off the counter and they played superhero. Ky giggled as his father tossed him in the air and tickled him all over. Then he plopped on the couch, his son in his lap, and turned on the TV. They watched purple blob movies until the morning. 

      “I love you daddy.” Ky told his dad as he cuddled in his lap. 

      “Love you too son.” His dad said. 

      Around 7, Ky finally fell back asleep, feeling safe in his dad’s lap. 

     2 years later Ky found himself at his friend’s house wishing he was home with his dad. It was 1 am, everyone was asleep. 

     Ky wasn’t used to being alone when he couldn’t sleep. 3 words had been all it took for his favorite part of the day to start. 

     “I can’t sleep.” 

    Now he knew that would never work again. 

     “I want my daddy.” He said and felt tears fill his eyes. “I want my daddy. I want my daddy! I want my daddy!!”

      He felt so lonely and hadn’t slept in days. 

     “I want my daddy!!! I WANT MY DADDY!!!!!” He cried and wanted to bang his fists against the floor screaming and crying for his dad.

      It didn’t feel like there was another person in the world, nonetheless the building. It felt like he could scream and cry as loud as he wanted and no one would hear. He was sobbing on the floor by the time someone wielding a baseball bat came running down the stairs. 

     “Ky?! Ky? Oh.” The man said and dropped his bat. It wasn’t his dad. 

      He walked over to him and hugged the sobbing child. 

     “Daddy. I want my daddy.” Ky sobbed into his chest. 

     The man rocked him and rubbed his back. For someone who just lost his best friend, he seemed pretty calm, at least compared to the 7 year old. Finally Ky managed to calm down. 

     “Do you want to sleep with me and Caroline?” Papa Spears asked. 

     He was wearing a red shirt, Ky hated the color red anymore. It was the color of blood, fire, and the jacket he had been wearing when his dad died. Ky shook his head. He wanted his mommy and sissy. 

     “Mommy. I want Mommy.” 

     Matthew nodded and offered to help him to the garage that had been converted into a temporary home for his family. Ky only shook his head and slipped out the door and headed to the garage and up to the loft, where his mommy was sound asleep. He curled himself up in her arms, but still couldn't sleep. 

      2 years later Ky lay in his bed staring at the ceiling. He sighed and stared at the ceiling. 

     “I can’t sleep.” He sighed. 

     Nights were always the worst. If he was tired enough, shadows became monsters and there was no one else in the world. He missed his father the most at night.

     Mom had told him that there was one place he could go if he couldn’t sleep and that was his best friend Nolan’s because he could get there within 5 minutes without leaving the woods. 

     He thought about that now. He needed a friend. Dad had been gone for exactly 2 years today. 

     Finally Ky got up, grabbed a flashlight and headed for his friend’s. Nolan had a bedtime of 9 o'clock, so going to his house was usually pointless. Ky knocked on the door anyway. 

     “Hey Papa Spears.” He said when his confused best friend’s father came to the door. 

     Matthew Spears was holding a baseball bat as usual this late at night, like he was a soldier and it was a sword. 

     “Um…hi? Ky, what are you doing here? It’s 11:30.” He asked and used the bat to scratch his head. 

     “I need to talk to your son.” Ky told him. 

     “Um…uh…I guess. Should I call your mom? It’s 11:30 at night. Did you walk here by yourself? Just don’t wake him up.” 

     Ky just shrugged and went inside and upstairs. He found his friend passed out on his bed, hugging his stuffed monkey. Ky crawled onto the bed beside him, he guessed a conversation could wait till morning. 

      4 years later, Ky was taking a walk at midnight cause he couldn’t sleep. His mom had enlarged his night time turf. Now he could go to the park or any of his friend’s houses. 

     He used to take walks at night with his dad. A few times they’d played ding-dong ditch on their friends. Ky missed his dad. 

      All his friends were asleep. He had checked. So now he was just wandering the park. He lived in a fairly safe neighborhood. 

      Today was the 6 year anniversary of his dad's death. He mostly spent it with his friends. He hadn’t cried, he hadn’t wanted to. They had played soccer and video games most of the day, but now that Ky was alone he found the memory playing in his head. 

     Smoke, fire, tears, a funeral. Ky hated fire.

      A tear slipped down his cheek and he wiped it away. He took a shaky breath and kicked the ground. 

     Just then he saw someone walking toward him. It was a man walking his dog. 

     “Whatcha doing here?” He barked at Ky and suddenly Ky remembered something his dad said once. 

     “Son, only psychos, criminals, and insomniacs are up this late.” 

     Ky took a step back. 

     “I can't sleep.” He said. 

      The dog growled and Ky ran. Suddenly he really didn't want to be out here by himself. He made his way to his friend, Zane's house. Unfortunately the door was locked, so he went home and got himself a bowl of cereal and tried not to cry. 

     5 years later Ky again couldn't sleep, but tonight he had his friends with him. They were taking a walk around town and playing truth or dare. 

They had met in the park and played some soccer for a while. 

     In a few weeks they'd be going to college. It was only an hour away and they were all going to the same one, but it would be different. 

     Ky had learned to enjoy his night time alone time. He wasn't that big of an extrovert anyway. He liked a quiet kind of company. Like now, with his 3 best friends, or all those years ago with his dad. 

    His friends and him all piled in Nolan's garage and listened to him rock out on his drums, before settling in for a movie and popcorn. Ky liked sleepless nights like this.