One Last Goodbye

It couldn't be. It was too soon. 

I felt tears roll down my face. "Goodbye," I said, my voice cracking. I stared at Jamie's peaceful face, he had just passed away from an accident. A car crash. It looked like he was only asleep in the rosewood coffin. It didn't seem real until today. Today was his funeral. I wiped the tears away. I hated crying in public but I couldn't seem to hold the tears back. I felt my mom squeeze my shoulders. 

We walked slowly over to our seats. I felt unsteady. The seat was hard but few things felt soft since Jamie's death a week ago. I couldn't remember much after that, it was all a blur. I remember singing, rain, feeling cold, and the sound of sobs. I remember dropping a yellow rose down into a hole that contained his coffin.

 I remember faintly going to Jamie's house, and people talking to me. I can't remember what they said. Something about being sorry about Jamie's death I think.

 The next thing I knew I was home in my bedroom. I broke down, finally able to have privacy. I fell onto my bed, sobbing. I curled my knees to my chest. I couldn't believe it. Just a few days ago, we were playing on the swings even though we were 16. I let out a broken chuckle through the sobs. I remember he tried walking on top of the swings and fell. His face and hands got all scratched. I'd never get to see him again. He was my best friend. My only friend. What am I going to do, he isn't here anymore. I heard a knock on my door.

 "Sy? Honey, can I come in? I brought you some food" My mom whispered through the door. 

"I'm, um," I sniffed, wiping my eyes, "I'm not hungry." I heard my mom let out a worried sigh. "Simon, you have barely eaten anything all week. I know it has been hard on you. But you have to eat something." My mom fretted. I sighed tiredly, I got up and walked over to the door. I opened it to it slowly. I looked at the plate of food. Mashed potatoes and mac-n-cheese. It looked so unappealing but I took the plate to soothe my mother's nerves.

 "It'll get better one day," my mother assured. I gripped the plate harder. I went back into my room, closing the door behind me.

 "Will it?" I breathed. I looked down at the food. I hesitantly dug my fork into the mashed potatoes. I took a bite, it tasted bland. I looked at the plate, disgusted but I continued to shovel the food into my mouth until it was all gone. I laid back down into my bed. I gazed aimlessly out the window. "Is it night already?" I asked myself quietly. I looked at the moon and its soft glow. 

Suddenly, I was in a field, laying against soft, green grass. I looked to my side. Jamie was laying next to me, propped on his arms, pointing up at the stars. He was wearing the suit that had been put on him for the funeral. 

"That one is Sirius, it's my favorite." Jamie beamed. Jamie looked at me. 

"Do you see it?" He asked with a smile. I stared in disbelief. I felt tears of happiness well-up in my eyes. I quickly wiped them away quickly and looked up at the stars. I nodded. "I see it," I breathed. "You okay, Simon? You look upset about something." Jamie asked. "It's nothing." I said. 

"Are you sad that I'm dead?" Jamie asked. My eyes widened, the words hit me like a truck. "Well, are you?" he asked looking at me. I kept looking at the sky.

 "No." I replied. I looked up at the moon. 

"Oh…" Jamie whispered. I felt him look away and back at the stars. 

"I'm not sad, I'm devastated." I explained, looking over to him. Jamie looked at me, his eyes glimmering with joy, shock, and a bit of sadness. "Really?" Jamie said. I nodded, I felt the bulge in my throat that you feel when you are about to cry. "You were my only friend. I've always been the odd one out, the only reason people talk to me now is to give me condolences. Before it was to pull a prank or help with school or some other phoney crap." I told Jamie, my voice cracking. "You will make friends eventually," Jamie reassured. 

 "I won't." I stated. I felt tears well up again, I put my arms over my head. 

"You listen to me, Simon Windsor, you will make friends. Amazing friends. Daisy Ashton will fall for you," Jamie declared, "You'll forget all about me… but that is okay! After all, the alive one deserves happiness." Jamie smiled sadly. I sat up, "Never, I'll never forget you." I said. Jamie smiled.

 "That is nice to hear." Jamie smiled. "We don't have much time." Jamie said solemnly. "So, let's just look at the stars,"  he said. I nodded. We spent the hour with Jamie explaining star clusters and constellations. Bad jokes and puns, and old memories reopened. "Oh, it looks like it's time for me to go." Jamie said, he looked at his hands they were fading away into small light specks. 

"No. I don't want you to go again!" I exclaimed, panicked at Jamie fading away. "There is nothing you can do to stop it." Jamie said sadly, Jamie then smiled, "It was nice seeing you one last time, at least now I get a chance to say goodbye." Jamie's face, body, and legs were now turning into light specks. "No!" I yelled in defiance. I looked at him, he was smiling. How could he smile? "What will I do now you're gone?" I sobbed. "You'll be fine, I'm sure of it." Jamie assured me. "Goodbye, Simon." Jamie was almost completely faded away now. "Wait!" I called out, reaching my hand out towards Jamie. All the sudden I was back in my bed, my hand was outstretched toward the ceiling, tears were rolling down my face. "Goodbye, Jamie." I whispered.