The final goodbye.

Submitted into Contest #44 in response to: Write a story that starts with two characters saying goodbye.... view prompt



They were facing each other in complete silence. Wanted to say a million things to each other but couldn’t, there was no time. Years after in each other’s company the day has finally arrived when they part their ways. Her mom was lying on the ventilator, eyes wide shut. She was holding her hand, praying to the god she never believed in to forgive her sins and show mercy on her mother. She recited every prayer she ever heard. She begged in every way possible. The god didn’t replied. No miracles, nothing. She stared in the blankness sulking in at her last moments with her mother. Trying really hard to remember the last thing she said to her. Her last advice, her last laughter. Any memory to hold onto, to find strength from it in order to continue living her life. Her heartbeat started fading away and along with it her chances to see the world once again.

She couldn’t understand what had she done wrong? Who had she hurt? Is this god’s way to take revenge on her for not being a believer like everyone else. She is ready to be believe now. She is willing to do whatever it takes to get her mom back. “Just tell me what to do.”, she murmured. The nurse came inside the room with a glass of water. “Here drink this.”, she said.

She patted her as the daughter sat there helpless. “You don’t have to see this.”, the nurse said.

“I can’t leave her alone.”, her voice broke. She kept on seeing the monitor.

The nurse held the daughter tightly trying to channel all her strength to the daughter. The least possible thing one could do at this moment. They heard the monitor beeping. The line went flat. It ended. Just like that. The mother fought and lost the battle with death. She left the person she swear to protect at any cost alone in this world. She tried till the very last but couldn’t take it anymore.

The daughter fell unconscious. She reached an empty place where everything was dark. She shouted and screamed. No one came. She sat on the floor in complete despair, hopeless. When she heard her mother’s voice calling out to her. She didn’t see her but knew it was definitely her.

“I know you have a lot to say. I do too. But there is no time. So just know this, whatever happens I will always be there for you. Standing by your side. Watching over you. You won’t see me but I will be there. Trust me, you will be fine.”, the voice faded and the daughter woke up. Surrounded by a bunch of people checking in on her. “Are you ok?”, one of them asked. “Yes.”, she nodded.

Her mother was there lying in front of her without a soul. She can feel her presence. She said she will always be there. The daughter believed her. Days went by and the void kept getting bigger. She opened her photo albums to go down the memory lane. She saw her smiling, laughing, crying, sleeping in those perfectly captured moments along with her family.

After having sleepless nights she visited her grave. Sat on her knees, put down the orchids she brought with her. Touched the ground to transfer her emotions.

“You taught me a lot. You taught me everything. Now I won’t have a partner to share how I feel with. But I will share those things with myself in hope that wherever you are, you will be listening. That you will give me cues about what to do. I will make you proud. I will make sure that you live through me.”

She sat there for hours. People came and left but she couldn’t bring herself to stand up and go to her lonely house. To cook just for herself, to eat alone, to sleep in the dark without having a conversation with her mother. To wake up next day to go to work and come home only to find herself alone again. She had people in her life to talk to, to stay with. However no one could fill the void that her mother has left.

A kid not more than five arrived near her. He sat by her trying to figure out if she was crying. She was so drowned in her thoughts that she didn’t noticed his presence. A few minutes later when he was unable to figure out what is going on, he stood up. He hugged her for a couple of minutes, tried to wipe her invisible tears. He had a candy in his pocket which he probably got after completing his homework. He gave it to her and said, “Eat it. It is good.” and then left. He ran so fast that she wasn’t able to figure out which way he went. She looked at the candy, opened it and then ate it. It brought back all her childhood memories one by one. She knew that this was her cue. Her mother telling her how much she missed her through this kid.

She decided not to make herself suffer anymore. That if she truly loved her mother then she will work to complete her dreams. Open that restaurant she wanted to, feed the needy in tough times. Help the kids in her locality like she used to. The best way to honor her memory is to live life in her way. To make little contributions day by day to improve the society we live in.

Not to complain about our problems but to find solutions for them. This kid made her realized that we have to let go of the people we love one day. But we could always hold on to their good deeds. To learn from their work and to implement it in our life. People don’t leave us even after they have passed away. They still live in this world till their last memory. She got up on her feet and close her eyes. She saw her happy face and she said her last ‘Goodbye’.

May 31, 2020 14:55

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08:43 Sep 12, 2020

very nice👍


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06:25 Aug 27, 2020

Your writing style is great! hope to see more.


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Aditi Prasad
15:03 Jul 09, 2020

Your storytelling style is great, i was able to visualise the story as it progressed. it could have been made a bit more lively if you attached some strong past memory to the candy that made her realise such an important lesson other than that the story was quite compelling. Kudos to you👏


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Aditya Agar
16:50 Jun 12, 2020

Very well framed story. I was able to picturise every thing while going through the storyline. Nice work. Keep it up!👍


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Emily Nghiem
09:09 Jun 07, 2020

This is a very thoughtful spiritual story. You have a gentle storytelling style that works well for this type of narrative to make it flow. I could see it in my mind, like a short film, if you might consider producing your stories in that format. Some ideas: (A) To tie the child in with the daughter's memory of her mother, it might add interest if there is a meaningful memory around "candy" near the beginning that the daughter remembers about her mom, such as something she tells her, or a gesture of giving wisdom, like directing her daughte...


10:33 Jun 07, 2020

Thank you for your detailed analysis. I hope we could work on a story together sometime. Kindly provide your contact details if you could.


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