Witchy Wares + Food

“I hear a witch runs the restaurant,” A young child whispers in front of a small cottage nestled in the forest. A single rusting sign labels the cottage as Witchy Wares + Food. 

“Rumor says she cooks her customers into a stew,” The other young child mutters, staring intently at the building as if it’s going to sprout legs and walk away. 

“Really?” Says a voice from behind them, making both children turn, “Well I heard the witch eats young children for dinner, especially when they insult her house,” She doesn’t look like a witch. She isn’t ugly like the stories say, she’s a young adult with a streak of purple in her hair. A half cloak hangs off her shoulders, and a key is sitting at her throat. She pulls the old skeleton key from its chain and inserts it into the lock. 

“It’s her,” The young girl whispers, craning to look inside. 

“Would you like to come in children?” The witch asks, strolling inside. “I promise I don’t eat children, at least not until the full moon,” 

“When’s the full moon?”

“Four days,” She says, turning back to them, “Are you coming in or not? I have potions to brew,” The children glance at each other, before scurrying inside. 

The cottage doesn’t look like the place witches cook their customers. There are mismatched tables scattered across the floor, with equally mismatched chairs. Crystals and bottles full of fizzing liquids fill every available shelf, sometimes leaking onto the floor in great piles. Books are crammed into corners in great towers, reaching to the ceiling. A few teacups and plates float lazily around, sometimes pausing to dodge the variety of animals scampering around. 

The young girl counts at least three cats, all black with varying levels of purple or white splotches of fur, a crow, which seems to not move unless a teacup comes within a three-foot radius of it, then it will dunk its beak into the cup for a few seconds. She can’t tell if it is drinking from the cup or adding something in, either way, it seems unsanitary. 

The boy however is more interested in the mice scampering on the floor. They are all wearing crowns and various assortments of medieval clothing. 

“They’re doing a particularly interesting campaign of dungeons and dragons,” The witch says, scooping one off the floor, “Something about mice warriors and cats,” She extends her hand, “Would you like to hold him? Be careful not to offend him though, his sword is very sharp,” She drops the mouse into his hand, “I would know, the little devil has stabbed me three times this week,” She bends down to look at the mouse, “And if he does it one more time I’m feeding him to the cat,” The boy cups his hands over the mouse and looks at her in horror.

“Would you really?” She smiles, not an evil smile like he expected but a genuine smile. She grins like she hasn’t a worry in the world.

“No, my cats don’t like mice anyways,” She leans down to whisper in his ear, “They’re all vegetarians,” She stands up and plucks a teacup from the air, “Would you children like to stay for lunch?” 

“We’re not supposed to take food from strangers,” The girl pouts, standing awkwardly in the middle of the shop, “Espically not witches,”

“Why not?” The witch asks, looking confused. She never understood the human’s weird customs. 

“Because it could be cursed,”

“Or poisoned,” The boy adds, still looking very engrossed with his tiny mouse knight. 

“That’s fairies,” The witch says, gesturing for the pair to sit down, “You shouldn’t eat food from faries, but I’m not a fairy, I’m a witch. There’s a very big difference,” 

“Why shouldn’t you eat fairy food?” The girl asks, sitting down, but insistent on not touching the cup of tea placed in front of her. “Fairies are the good guys,” The witch stops in her tracks, and turns to look at the girl. 

“No, they aren’t. Fairies are very dangerous. Don’t your parents warn you about the fae?” The witch flicks her fingers and a book wedges itself out from one of the mighty stacks. The entire column of books shakes and threatens collapse. The children watch in horror as the books collapse into a great mess. They spread across the floor, diving into every crevice and unmatched floorboard. 

The witch sighs and looks at the crow, “Kevin, be a dear and fix that,” The crow cocks its head, and the witch gives it a stern look. Then the crow leaves its perch and starts to pick up the books using its beak. The children watch in awe as the books start to tower towards the ceiling again. 

The witch, on the other hand, casts a glance at the crow, and then she returns to looking at the children. “Here’s a book on the fae,” She says, sitting down beside the children, and sliding the book towards the girl, “If you promise to return it you can take it home. I’d hate to let the fairies capture the only two humans to visit my restaurant,” 

“Other humans have come here,” The boy chimes, letting the mouse escape his hands, “You have a one-star review on Yelp, so at least one human has visited you?”

“Yelp?” The witch asks, “What is this magic, I have never heard of it?” The boy pulls out a device the witch has never seen and turns it to her. In the tiny box is a picture of her shop. Underneath is a small box, with one gold star and four blank ones. 

Her potion didn’t do anything for my relationship, she’s a witch and a scam. The food was mediocre. 

“I don’t sell love potions,” She says, her eyebrows scrunched up. “And my food is not mediocre. I have the best food in the forest,”

“You’re the only restaurant in the forest,” The little girl points out. She’s deeply engrossed in the book the witch gave her, and she’s finally relented to the tea, drinking small sips, being careful not to spill on the book.

“Well I suppose, but my cooking is very good,” The witch says, looking a bit upset at the review, “My customers love my food,” She mutters The boy clicks away from the review. 

“If you got more reviews your rating would go up. You’d get more customers,” The witch looks at the boy. 

“Human customers?”

“Well yeah,” 

“That would be lovely,” She muses staring out the window, “I hardly ever get to meet humans,” She looks back at the boy, “So if I get more reviews, more humans will come to my shop?” He nods, “What must I do for these reviews? Fight an evil beast?” The boy giggles.

“No silly, people come here and enjoy the food, so they leave reviews and then more people come and you make more money,” 

“But if people are attracted by the reviews and I have none, who will come and give me reviews?” 

“We’ll take care of it,” The boy says excitedly.

“Alright, how shall I repay you for new customers?” The boy shrugs.

“How about lunch?” 

And so the witch has new customers. As she later finds, her friend, Jerry the fairy had left the mean review. Another reason the fae aren’t to be trusted.

Her new customers love her food and her magical cottage. Her mice have invited several new people into their dungeons and dragons campaign, and Kevin the crow bonded with a young girl, who brought him cookies. Kevin likes cookies. The cats of course, like nobody, as they are cats. 

The witch no longer has the worst restaurant in town, she has one of the best. Reviews have been streaming in, all five stars. The young boy comes running every time she gets a new one. The young girl doesn’t care much about yelp, but she does enjoy books about fairies. Though she knows now not to trust them. 

The witch and her two young friends are happy. 

Jerry the fairy is no longer welcome in Witchy Wares + Food.