Precious

*** Contains some strong language ***

February 2014

‘Mammy, I’m going to be a mammy.’

Lynne was in the kitchen when the girls arrived.

‘I’m sorry, Mum.’

She’d been preparing veg for the sausage casserole. A winter warmer, a family favourite – enough to go round for her and Greg, and Ruby and Saphie and Jade. Would take about an hour, could be heated up if needs be, a pot full of potatoes just in case; Greg and Jade often ate on the hoof, and Ruby and Saphie sometimes brought their boyfriends back. The fiancé now in Ruby’s case. She’d have to get used to that. But Dean was a good, reliable sort even if he and Ruby were barely eighteen. Sweethearts from High School, they knew what they wanted. Marriage. Kids. A steady life. Dean had been working all hours, conscientiously saving up, but even they weren’t ready. Not by a long chalk…

Mammy? When had Sapphire ever called her Mammy? And how come the peeler and carrot she’d held in her hands just a moment ago had now been replaced by this black and white hospital printout? Her sixteen-year-old daughter’s baby scan? And her on course to be a granny? She was only forty--- something. Three or was it four…?

‘Thursday. I asked you on Thursday if there was any chance. Why didn’t you tell me, Saph?’

Eyes down. No longer making light. But then this was hardly like those other times. Like the day she and Jade had wagged off school and Saphie’s head of year had called to say they’d been spotted hiding out on the Leighton estate, hanging around the woods at the other side of Gilly. The rough side. Jade had come in first and she’d read her the riot act, then Saphie had come in behind her drenched from head to toe and splattering mud… ‘I rolled down a hill and fell in a puddle, Mum. It was absolutely humungous.’ A shake of her sodden booty, joggers flapping around her thighs, and Lynne couldn’t help but laugh.

‘I didn’t know I was pregnant then. Didn’t think I was.’

How crowded the kitchen looked with them all standing there. So much smaller than it used to be. Even when their brother Charlie was there – first dibs at the leftovers always, complaining when his sisters scoffed all the good tomato sauce… And how come they got called after gems and I didn’t…? But Charlie, you’ve got the name of a prince, the man who’ll one day be king… But, Mum, I want be a queen, not a king… Then he’d put on Ruby’s tutu in order to prove it and his father had taken to calling him Quenton Queer. It was one of the reasons she’d divorced him. Not a bad man as such, but unkempt and uncouth, Bob who’d spent all his free time either slumped in front of the telly, or out on the river fishing, and thought it funny to address his children by nickname – Devil, Fatty, Little Shit - just hadn’t a clue when it came to raising kids. They rarely saw him now; Charlie had disowned him completely, whilst the girls ran and hid, all embarrassment and giggles, if ever they did.

‘But surely, Saph, you must have had some idea. Fainting at work like that. I did say, didn’t I?’

The girls had come in all a-rustle and bustle and panting, but their noise was less now, displaced by an air of breathlessness. Hands gripping the edge of units, the back of chairs, hearts beating down in a bid to calm. It was normally only Jade who did that. When not at school, it often seemed to Lynne that her youngest only ever stopped running whilst practicing judo. Fifteen years old and an apprentice coach. Brown belt, working up to black, she’d made the local papers more than once. Needed more wall space for her medals.

‘She only took the test on Friday, Mum. Ruby’ll tell you. Stupid bitch though, I said she should’ve listened to the doctor, waited before she risked having sex, given that implant a chance to kick in.’

Jade and Sapphire had always been close, and like the Pitbull her step-father compared her to, Jade, although a year younger, had always been the first to either leap to her sister’s defense or give her a good old shaking. Verbally as opposed to physically these days, Lynne was happy to note, recalling the time Jade had risked landing herself in a whole heap of trouble when she’d beaten up that boy on the bus who’d called Saphie all kinds of names when they’d dare to sit up the back on their way to school, in the 'top dogs' seat' the whole of which he considered belonged to him and his bully-boy mates. Greg had admired Jade for that, but then she’d always been his favourite…. No messing with that one alright. Says it like it is. Won’t take any shit. Bloody good worker too.

‘Yeah, that’s right. I bought her the test.’

Ruby was more reserved. She stood back watching, waiting, assessing. Her fingers twitched against her palms as she spoke.

‘And Jez, he knows the situation, I take it?’

Lynne thought back to the weekend. Saphie’s boyfriend hadn’t been there. Or had he? She couldn’t say for sure. She’d been working Saturday on the checkouts, and on Sunday she and Greg had gone out. Shopping and then an extended bar lunch. They had freedom now, she’d said. Could spend more time together. What with Charlie working away, making a life with his partner, Mylo, and the girls as good as grown up – trustworthy, sensible – she needn’t watch them as closely as she had. Needn’t worry about them so much.

‘Yeah, it’s all good, Mum. Jez knows. He came to the scan. He’ll support me.’

Support her! From what Lynne had seen so far, it had been Saphie supporting him. She’d had savings before she’d taken up with Jez Laurie. Money earned in the kitchen of The Duck and Dimples on evenings after college. All gone now. Should have known when she’d dashed out in the dead of night that time and returned with the latest version of FIFA to go with the X-Box she’d gifted him earlier. The X-Box that had cost her a fortune in electricity. Wow, how those bills had shot up!

‘Ha! Jez is a fuckwit – excuse my language, Mum – but he is. I told you, Saph, you’d be better off dumping him, especially now.’

It had been obvious from the start that Jade liked Jez even less than Dean did, although with Ruby the jury was out. He was young, a bit of a lad, but who was to say he wouldn’t come good? Lynne cast her mind back to when Saphie had first brought him home. She’d been vacuuming the lobby and had done a double-take. He looked the spit of Luke Hepworth at that age, and Luke had been her first love… What is it? Is something wrong? Is there something up with my hair… Turned out he was no relation, although Lynne still couldn’t tell if she’d been relieved in this knowledge or disappointed.

‘Well, Saph, what’s done is done, and I’m glad Jez is sticking by you, but you need to concentrate on you now. Have they said when the baby’s due? And please tell me they’ve removed the implant.’

A smile – a shy one. It must have been hard working up the courage to tell her – hence the sisters being there, coming in with her. An only child, Lynne had never had this kind of back-up, and although she’d been a good few years older when she’d fallen with Charlie, she’d been quaking in her boots when it came to breaking the news to her mum. The pious Jean Jenkins, her daughter up the duff before marriage and to a lackey in her own father’s scrapyard. The shame of it! She’d never have married Bob if it hadn’t been for her mum harping on about this unholy disgrace. Walking down the aisle all decked out in white with that massive bouquet to hide her pregnancy… And, oh! What would her aging mother have to say about this? It would be her fault, of course, letting her kids run wild, as she'd so often put it, never taking them to church…

‘They tell me September, and yes, they took the implant out. And Jez is happy, Mum, he really is. He’s all excited. Says he’s sure it’ll be a boy. We’ve even got the name picked out.’

***

May 2014

‘Did Sapphire tell you Jez stormed out of the scan when they said they were having a girl?’

Lynne had just come home from work.

‘Dean’s right. He’s an absolute twat.’

She hadn’t expected Ruby to be there. On Tuesdays she was normally out of town at her gran’s. Helping around the house, doing the work of a carer… Seeing as her own daughter couldn’t spare five minutes of her time, and she’d remember this when it came to making her will… Still, Lynne was more than happy for Ruby to be earning a little cash even if it was from family and could vary considerably according to her mother's mood. She and Dean had set a date two years hence and were looking into private rental. Couldn’t stand sharing her bedroom with Saphie anymore, not since Jez had practically moved in, and Dean’s parents had always been awkward about Ruby staying over. Jade’s room was a no-go zone; she’d made her feelings clear about that, so ‘Ruby needn’t even start’.

‘She did tell me that, yes, and she was pretty het-up about it. Sent him packing last night, but they’ve made it up again.’

Ever since she’d learned of her pregnancy, Lynne had been watching Saphie closely. Too closely, perhaps, for how many times had her daughter told her off for doing so? But every twinge, every time she was sick, and every time she fell out with Jez, she just couldn’t help it, and the worry continued even when her daughter was out of sight. Jez’s reaction to them expecting a girl had simply added to her simmering fears.

‘Oh yeah, and just because me and Dean are getting a place, he’s decided that they should get one too. He’s gone and put their names on the social housing list. Thinks they stand a good chance of a two-bed in Leighton.’

Leighton! Her mum would have a fit and, for once, Lynne would have to agree that this was not the sort of place where her daughter should be living, let alone end up raising a child. Rife with ex-offenders and druggies, surely Jez knew better, wanted better for the girl he claimed to love, and for his unborn daughter. Or did he simply want to get Saphie away the first chance he got, isolate her from her loved ones, prevent her from ending things like she’d threatened? Lynne sometimes thought he might be the type, but then chastised herself for needlessly fretting and imagining things. But was it any wonder? Saphie was so up and down, talking of going it alone one day, then all over him the next. And although still at college, she’d given up work to please him… He’s just looking out for me, Mum… But there was something missing. Her open smile, her most gorgeous feature, the way she used to make people laugh without even trying. Of course, her being so young and pregnant would account for much of that - hormones, the bane of every woman’s life, and how overwhelmed she must have felt besides - except Lynne had this awful feeling there was a little more to it, something Saphie was holding back.

‘Leighton, oh no. I’ll talk to her, see what she has to say.’

***

August 2014

‘I’ve left him, Mum.’

The door had been locked, so she’d had to knock. Probably for the first time ever. And it was the first time in a long while that Lynne had seen her daughter cry, although apparently when she’d first found out she was pregnant she’d spent the entire weekend in tears and broken up with Jez because of it, till on the day of the scan when he’d come chasing and talked her around.

‘Sorry, sorry, and I feel so stupid now. Such a silly thing. But it was the snail that did it.’

Saphie hovered on the doorstep as Jade lugged her bags inside shooting Lynne a seriously telling look.

‘Yeah, he stamped on the snail she’d been watching for days, seeing how far it got up the path, and that’s not the half of it. Fucking arrogant prick. Fucking man-child. Excuse the language.’

Oh God, he’d not been hitting her, had he? Controlling her? Lynne’s hand flew to her mouth. She should have tried harder to stop her when she’d moved to Leighton. She should have visited more often; she should have been there. But she’d seemed fine every time she’d popped in, and the house looked decent enough. No junk in the neighboring yards. It even had a small front lawn – a surprisingly tidy one. No used syringes or obnoxious alkies and junkies like there were said to be in the streets, or in the shelter when she’d waited to get on the bus. Jez was often in the house when she came, but he never said much. Spent most of his time on the X-Box.

‘What’s he done to you, Saphie, tell me.’

Lynne stood aside to allow her daughter in. A month to go, she was showing visibly now when only weeks before everyone had said she looked so neat.

‘Nothing, nothing really, it’s just I can never do anything right, and he’s always got his friends in, and there’s this girl, this other girl…’

Lynne watched as she maneuvered herself onto the sofa, Jade crouching protectively before her, eyes wide.

‘And all I’ve done every day since I finished college is sit there watching Jeremey Kyle. All those people arguing and fighting, and all messed up, and I’m thinking I’m just like them. It should be me on that show. But no way am I bringing my child up like that.’

And neither you should, Lynne thought, although she’d learned a long time ago there was no such thing as a perfect family set-up – even her parents, for all they’d tried to hide it, hadn’t had that. And although her daughter might be home now where she could keep an eye on her and help raise her child when the time came – that’s if she didn’t change her mind and go back to Jez - the worry wouldn’t end there. There would be so many hurdles ahead. So much watching with bated breath, willing them not to fall. Just a fact, she thought, a fact of love, a fact of life. One had to look out for their jewels, after all. Do one’s best to keep them safe without locking them up in a box, as tempting as this might sometimes be.