Something There.

His hand made its way around my waist to bring me closer, his confidence was growing. As our chests touched he leaned into my ear and said, “I have to talk to you about something…” Well. That’s never good. But I tried to keep a brave face because everyone was watching us. 

“What’s wrong?”

“When do I dip you?” he whispered to me.

I giggled, “Whenever you’re ready.”

“I don’t want to drop you,” I could feel his palm starting to get moist, so I reassured him, “And that’s how I know you won’t.” He squeezed my hand so tight it felt like if we walked in opposite directions my hand would follow him instead of me. But I get it, he wants to make his mom proud. I could see her sitting next to her new husband, sharing a piece of cake, so in love. It really was a beautiful wedding, but I know Grey didn’t enjoy a second of it because he was so focused on this. It’s what he’s been focused on for the last 4 weeks…dancing at his mom’s reception. When I met Grey he didn’t know his left from his right. He wasn’t sure of himself, his body or his mind. Wasn’t sure what to make of it. He swears he doesn’t care what other people think, but there wasn’t a moment in our dance class where he wasn’t observing other people observing him. To be perceived is not the easiest pill to swallow, and something told me that Grey was keeping that pill hostage under his tongue.

He spun me around as the song went to the chorus and pulled me back into his chest swiftly. 

“Not bad,” I said

“So to dip you…” He interrupted me. I took my head off his shoulder to make eye contact with him, “Why are you so worried about the dip?”

“Because I don’t want to mess it up. I have to get this right.”

“Or else what? What happens if we mess it up?”

“It wouldn’t be on you, you’d be the one falling and it would be my fault,” He looked away at his mom. 

“Grey, you’re overthinking it,”

“Yes I’m aware of that Olly thank you,” he rolled his eyes. I giggled again.

“What is so funny?” He looks back at me.

“You’re so in your head, come outside for awhile the air is fine.”

He doesn’t say anything. As the song moves into it’s second verse we move into a proper two-step, the very first thing we learned in class.

“Dip me whenever you’re ready. I’ll be ready, I promise.”

When Greysen looked back at me, this warm fire instantly ignited in my spine. As if the universe had tapped me on the back to make note of this moment. Something was different, not necessarily off, nothing I was scared of. I just…he had never looked at me like that before.

“So…if I spin you out and spin you back in, then I can dip you?” I snapped out of my thoughts.

“What?” I responded too quickly, trying to buy more time to think.

“Is that what you’re talking about?” I didn’t know what we were talking about anymore.

“Um, yes, yeah. You can do that.” The final chorus had begun. I looked over Grey’s shoulder to see his niece, in her little flower girl dress, chasing her brother as he’s holding onto his suspenders falling off his shoulders. They were so sweet. It reminded me of when Greysen and I were ice skating. Well, he was skating, I was holding onto his shoulders for dear life and we kept falling because of it. It was so fun because,

“Olly, you know you’re my best friend, right?” This broke me away from my mind.

“Am I? When did that badge of honor get awarded to me?

“Just now, you didn’t notice this was your ceremony?” He nodded his head towards the wedding gift table and the groups of bridesmaids and groomsmen sharing the dance floor with one another. He laughed, clearly proud of his joke,

“Damn, if I would’ve known I would’ve worn something different.”

“Nah I like this. It’s very you.” He brought his hand up the side of my dress, his fingers never leaving the fabric, to touch the petals on the sleeve. I could feel the universe tapping my back again. “You’re my best friend too,” I told him. “No Ol, I mean it, you’re the only person on the planet who could’ve gotten me on this dance floor. Or to play, “Dance, Dance Revolution.” Or to try seafood, which is still disgusting. But you push me, outside of my comfort zone. And I’m not saying I only need you or value you for that, it’s just something I don’t take lightly. You, are something- someone, that I don’t take lightly.” He grinned at me.

It was odd to be truly considered by someone else. I had never had that before. Then again, I had never met someone like Greysen before, but I’m glad I did.

I looked away to avoid him making fun of my emotions and I made eye contact with Grey’s mom. I offered her a smile, and she smiled back at me. I knew she was happy to see her son coming out of his shell a little bit, even if my hand was dripping from his sweat. My hand suddenly got cold as Grey let go, and slid his other hand from my petals to my fingers. I hadn’t even heard the song near its ending when he leaned to the side, still holding my hand, slightly pulling me to spin into him. I turned my body so that he could hold both of my hands and before I knew it, I felt the warmth of the purple lights on my face and heard his family whistle and cheer. 

He didn’t drop me. And as he lifted me, I brought my head up slowly to really sell the moment.  When my head made its way up, his eyes were already searching for mine.  There wasn’t a moment to take a breath before Grey-

“I love you,” he said.

I was close enough to see the sweat sliding down the side of his face, and my heart instantly ached. The look on his face, full of fear and dread, was the same face he made the first time we made eye contact in class when he had dropped his phone. He was being looked at, in an uncomfortable space, a vulnerable state, no armor. It was just him. And that was frightening. In this moment he was basically naked with his words, waiting for me to react. Waiting for me to respond. Searching for an answer in my eyes in the meantime. He had swallowed the pill of being perceived. Grey isn’t the same man he was a month ago, but to be fair, I am not the same woman I was a month ago.

I felt lighter, more open to change and the unsteadiness of the future and what is to become of it. I was okay with being bad at things. I was okay with not knowing things. I was happy with starting over, time and time again if need be. I just needed the safe space to fall and get back up, to have that reassurance and that comfort. A month ago I didn’t have any of that, I had never felt any of that until I had met…oh my god.

“I love you too.”