Receiving In Darkness

A void. That wasn't what he saw that night. It was much softer, not the blunt darkness of nothingness that led him throughout this journey, but the warm hug of the blackness with soft light needling its way through the dark cloak above him. The night sky was more vibrant in all of his years living. Of all the worlds he has seen- and he has seen a lot- none has ever had such a view as this one. Even though other worlds had aurora borealis in hundreds, and tornadoes made of pure lighting, aliens and caped wonders and explosions and creatures once thought to be only ink in a tattered book, this world had one thing uncommon among the others: its simplicity. 

Only the dark and its opposite, its children of light peeking behind its mother, and down at Garrett. Garrett found the once warm sand beneath him starting to send shivers down his legs, his legs standing on edge. Snapping cold, but enough so that the hushing wind sent shivers across his body. He thought he’d be used to the cold by now. If he could get used to multiple worlds where nuclear armageddon makes a fiery planet and the only way to get from point A to point B was to walk, then the cold was supposed to be easy. Right?

That was his goal that night. To stay in that one spot, to never get up and do anything else, but to rest and receive. At least that’s what his newest master told him to do. Master Jai was an interesting teacher. Yes, Garrett has been taught from monks to traveling nomads, to drunken boxers and even a shinobi and an assassin or two, but unlike them, Master Jai was quite...simple. Garrett wondered why Surgat pointed him to this dimension. There was no conflict. No wars, no fighting, no carnivorous animals hungry for a dark-skinned boy no longer chubby. There was simply an endless desert where for only three hours, the sun was out, then nothing but this.

It was quiet. Not even in the Shaolin monastery was it this quiet. Birds to crickets, from thundering storms to waterfalls in the distance, but this world was just quiet. There was no eerie feeling to Garrett. Only an unfamiliar feeling that sent him on edge. Because he knew he could have been doing something better, something more important than this. Yet Master Jai told him one simple thing: sit and receive.

Receive from where? The wind? A magical demon who would give him a key to alternate worlds? What was he to receive? Garrett would have scratched his head over the invisible objective if it weren't for the growing chill in the night. It was starting to get cold fast. Not tundra cold, but a blanket would be welcomed. All Garrett was in was a simple black garb, one Master Jai gave him, and a scarf. Yet Master Jai took the top portion and the scarf away, leaving Garrett with just his own flesh besides pants to himself in the night.

Garrett crossed his legs and sighed. He looked back up to the stars and admired the beauty. The stars were in the millions, so uncountable, Garrett knew he’d get a headache if he tried. Yet he had nothing else to do, so he started to count. One...two...three...four...five..twenty eight...forty three…

Garrett lost track when he got to seventy-seven. Images flashed in his mind. Of Master Jai and the training he thought was to come. Maybe sparring or stick fighting. Or maybe scimitar dancing or maybe even camel riding. Garrett never rode a camel before. After a while, Garrett exhausted his ideas of the future and simply went back to the viewing of the stars. He caught one star in the distance, one that was brighter than the others. The North Star. At least, that's what Garrett called it in his world. Who knows what it was called on this one. All he knew was that it led to the same thing: home.

The thought came to him like a crashing car. Anguish seeped into his heart. He felt his heart drop to his stomach and he felt tired. He could hear them. His father playfully chewed him out for eating the last of the Kit Kat ice cream from the freezer, his mother snorting with laughter over the fact that it was, in fact, her that ate it all, not Garrett, but the boy just wanted a chance to wrestle with his father. Finally, there was Veida who would be sighing to herself over the fact that she wouldn't get that studying done when truthfully, she didn't need to study anymore, as she would always ace her tests. She just wanted to spend some time with her family. With mom, dad, with Garrett.

Garrett felt that longing for his sibling. Yes, they would fight, verbally, sometimes physically, mostly with pop-it's and toy darts, but she was always there, right behind him to give him a trail of support when he didn't know he needed it. They never hugged often, but when they did, it was mostly forced by her, but secretly Garrett enjoyed his sister’s embrace.  From when she had her last prom to her graduation, Garrett could count on his fingers how many times he embraced his sister. Garrett felt a smile creep on his face.

With it came that wallowing feeling of a hole being burrowed into him. He forced himself to look up at the stars to see their glitter in the dark, instead only the images of his mother came into his consciousness. From childhood to now, according to Garrett’s mother, he was such a playful kid, or to stop paraphrasing it a “badass little child.” from jumping from furniture to furniture in a Spiderman costume his Dad didn't regret buying him after showing him Spider-Man 2 and watching as his mother screamed at him over the hyperactivity, to Garrett in a flash costume in sixth grade running across town for Halloween, Garrett felt himself churn to laughter before he felt that tightening pull into sadness came. He could feel tears cloud his vision.

Besides all that, Mom was always there for him, supporting him when he was too nervous to partake in the spelling bee, helping him with his multiplication homework in elementary school, he knew she’d always have his back when she wasn't jokefully yelling at him. Love was odd like that in their household. Yet Garrett knew that was his way of expressing her love to him, even when he was acting the most difficult.

Dad…

It wasn't the first bike ride, or the first time his dad showed him how to box that made Garrett cry from floating in those memories but that time. The time his dad sat back and listened as his son went on an hour-long rant about the entire history of the human Green Lanterns from way before Alan Scott all the way past Simon Baz and Jessica Crews all the way to the Infinite Frontier. He remembered looking over at his dad and seeing a smile slowly appears on the man’s face, him shaking his head and finally saying “my son’s a nerd.” For a moment, Garrett thought he wasn't joking, until the man started laughing, and Garrett joined him. “Better that than a dumb jock. Or have they changed since I’ve been to school?” his dad asked him.

Garrett snapped back into reality, tears streaming down his cheeks as the hole inside of him grew. The intrusive thoughts came back into his mind, threatening to erupt his peace of mind in happy memories into dust. What if…?

That was the start.

What if I never see them again? What if they are gone?

Garrett tried to stop himself from seeing it. But the flashing image of that monitor, showing his earth, his world, exploding into a soundless fury finally shattered his mind. He felt it. Like a ghostly finger turning off the switch. Or turning it on. He forgot about the stars, about the world, about his training, and sobbed. Like a dam, tears and snot came billowing out of him until his cries were unrecognizable to him. Gone...gone...gone…

He swore he could see it. Their faces. How and what they’d be doing before they would see the flashing light and their whole lives would be gone. He felt his stomach explode in emotional agony as he came to that final conclusion: that it was his fault. 

If he would have been stronger, faster, smarter, more well prepared! Why didn't he see it coming? Why didn't he expect Victorious to do it? Why did he underestimate his opponent? Why didn't he take it seriously, like Sasha said, why couldn't he stay calm like Raizen, why couldn't he calculate correctly like C.O.D.Y.? If he wasn't a sixteen-year-old boy, playing hero, then his world would still be alive! 

I’m not a hero…

He couldn't picture what those monsters could have done to Sasha. What that virus could have done to C.O.D.Y. What Liger did to Raizen. What that infamous four, possibly the greatest supervillains in the multiverse, did to his friends. He didn't want to think about it, but the dam was all flooding out. He saw the images of death, of flesh, ripping away, bones cracking, ligaments shredding. He heard the screams, all of them crying out for him, for him to save them, some asking why, why did he let this happen!

Why couldn't you save me?

He saw the image of that old cartoon in his mind of Harvey Dent falling into the flames of Gotham, another soul stained by the city. Only this wasn't an animated series. This was real! Not a cartoon! And most definitely not a comic book! Garrett knew his father was right. Life wasn't a comic book. There were no men in capes that could leap tall buildings in a single bound, no men with vast fortunes who could strike fear into the hearts of criminals, no first avengers, and no wall-crawling friendly neighborhood heroes. Just men, women, and children who were wondering why their lives ended because some immature child thought he could tackle mongrels. Not super villains, but actual terrorists, people who have committed crimes against humanity against universes! How could Garrett Thompson stand up against them?

Garrett didn't know how long he was out that night. Eventually, the snot dried up on his hands and his eyes burned from the number of tears bursting out of them. He felt tired like he could sleep right there in the cold night. He wanted the cold wind to sweep him away, maybe someplace where he knew nobody, not even Surgat could find him. He wasn't No Hal Jordan. He wasn't  Peter Parker, no Scott Freeman, and especially no Bruce Wayne or Clark Kent. They were fiction, nothing else. They had no limits. And Garrett? He has as many as they come. At least Garrett thought so…

The boy’s eyes burned so much from the trauma coming out of him, that he had to close them. He just needed to rest his eyes. Just rest them…

It started with a breath. The cool wind that swam into his nostrils all the way to his lungs, then back out through his mouth. He did that over and over again. He didn't ignore the images in his mind. Not the fiery blaze of the monastery he called home, not the screams of Kimmy, and not the bullet shattering a hold into his Master Richard. Not the crazy bandits who tried to kill him and the Nomad, not the ones who were clobbered and sliced to bits by Junoshak and Ahlifan, and not even the images of flesh-eating zombies and demonic werewolves. 

On that night, all of Garrett's fears came back to him. Worlds of cyberpunk, to great warriors of Miongved, to Falconus, to Shinobi slaying Samurai and assassins gunning for his head. They all swept through his mind like an icy storm each gust of wind bringing with it more and more memories. Garrett let them all pass. One came and left then another. He breathed. Again...and again...he felt his body sink into the sand and the wind not being so cold anymore. It was simply there. The void around him, behind his eyes that once terrorized him now, was simply a void. The thoughts came and raced but as fast as they came, they left as well. Garrett just simply breathed… 

On and on this went. He forgot about the night sky and the desert before him. He forgot about his failings, his family, his friends, his earth, his winnings, and trophies. He forgot about all of them. Or did he simply put them to the side? He felt himself grow lighter. His hands that once felt heavy in his lap now felt nonexistent. That phantom feeling spread to his arms, to his chest, to his neck and face until his entire body felt...he wouldn't be able to describe it to this day. Only that he wasn't there. He wasn’t anywhere anymore. He was simply being.

Through the blackness of that void, he swore he could hear voices, different from the invading thoughts, he swore he could see images in the inky blackness, different from the intrusive past failing trying to haunt him before. These weren’t from him. These were not him. They were something else. Someone else.

He saw them. The familiar shapes and voices vibrated through his being. They were somewhere, together, scared but together. All of them. Mom...Dad...Veida...Raizen, C.O.D.Y...Sasha. They were all together, talking, waiting, explaining, wondering one thing:

Where is Garrett?

For a moment, the same intrusive thoughts came back into his mind. Those are just your imagination. Your family is dead. Sasha is dead! And it's all your fault! Instead of that cold dagger meeting in his stomach, nothing came. The thought disappeared like smoke in the wind. More images appeared in his mind. He could feel a hand reaching out towards him. It was warm…no..hot...like fire, except it would scald him. It was trying to reach him, to grab a hold of him to pull him back. He almost saw a face but the light was covering it. Globes of earths cascaded across the void behind his eyes. He could hear them. The birds. The children. The cars and air balloons and explosions and speeches and crashes. He could hear all of them. The images formed until somebody was looking at him. She was…

Her skin was ebony, glistening like black gold, and her hair was long with jewels not from earth decorated across her braids. Her eyes glowed, humming with violet power. She opened them and stared into Garrett. She gasped in shock. She muttered something, something Garrett couldn't quite understand. Garrett was gone before he could meet him. It was enough though. Enough so he could see. So he could know…

That warmth kept to Garrett. It sourced from somewhere. Somewhere until he realized what it was. It glowed behind his eyes and when he opened them, the warm sun met him.  He looked around him. He was still on that sandy hill overlooking the desert. The wind was hot, and sweat started to trickle down his face. Garrett smiled. He stood and stretched before Master Jai appeared. The man looked to be in his forties, even though he was two thousand years old. He was garbed in white, a white turban on his head that shaded his salt and peppered beard from the sun. He held out Garret's garbs in front of him. Garrett smiled back at him and took them, slinging them over his shoulder. “You have received good news?” Master Jai said in a language, Garrett knew wasn't any language from his earth, but somehow he understood. He nodded.

“I did. I’m ready to begin.”

Master Jai nodded. “Good. Come.” the tall man waved Garrett forward to two camels and the two set off on their journey.