MY LIFE SET ABLAZE

By the time I stepped outside, the leaves were on fire.

My hands were trembling as I pulled my brother in to a tight embrace. 

My grip tightened when I felt my brother's tears soak my shirt. I grabbed him by the shoulders when we pulled apart.

“ I want you to go to the Picket's house and call the fire station immediately. I'm going to go find mom, ok?” I tried to memorize his face just in case it was the last time I ever saw him.

“ Promise me that mom is going to be ok,” He croaked as he looked at me with those big glassy doe eyes.

“ I…I want you to go right now,” I said firmly as I nudged him in the right direction.

I watched him sprinting in the field, growing farther and farther away, melting away into the sunset glow.

It was what they say.

Never make a promise you can't keep.

I ripped the bottom half of my t-shirt and tied it around my neck to cover my mouth.

I immediately rushed into the house, and entered the living room where I last saw my mother.

My eyes began to water as the air was thick with smoke. I could barely see anything.

I stepped forward but instantly leaped backward when a wooden beam toppled right in front of me.

“ Mom!” I cried in hope that she could hear me and direct me to where she was.

There was no answer.

I called out at the top of my lungs several times but the answer was the same.

Silence.

Please, please. Mom, please be alive. Please be alive.

---×---

It was Friday today.

Friday was family game night.

We were playing our third game of Monopoly when my mom suddenly excused herself to go get a glass of water.

She had been silent throughout the games but I didn't want to upset her by saying anything.

“ Where's mom? She missed her turn like six times,” Brian complained as he moved his token.

“ I'll go see what's holding her up. And you better not take any money from the bank, mister,” I warned him with a pointed finger.

“ That was one time!” He groaned.

I smiled as I slipped into the kitchen.

My mom was standing in front of the sliding glass window adjacent to the kitchen, her back turned to me.

“ Mom?” I called out gently, hoping that I wouldn't scare her.

When she turned around, her red rimmed eyes were unmistakable.

She was doing it again.

“ Mom,” I reached out to touch her, to comfort her but before I could, she wiped away the tears and tried to put on a smile.

“ I'm perfectly fine. Come on, we wouldn't want to keep your brother waiting,” She sniffled as she ushered me back into the living room.

---×---

I raced around the living room and closed all the windows.

If I cut off the oxygen supply, it would soon become insufficient for the flames to keep burning.

I ran upstairs gasping for air, my footsteps echoing against the staircase.

I checked my mother’s room, my room and my brother’s room.

I began to hyperventilate. I didn't have much time before the fire would make it's way up the stairs.

“ Mom!” I frantically yelled as I raced across the hall.

Please don't leave us. Please don't leave Brian. Please don't leave me.

Please god, please help me.

I can't. I can't.

I can't lose another parent. 

No, I am going to find her.

I'm not going to leave without her.

I made sure all the windows were shut before racing down.

Where would she be? 

Where?

The basement.

My heart pounded against my chest and I could feel the bile rising up my throat as I hurried to the basement.

“ Mom! MOM!” I yelled loud enough for anybody within five mile radius to hear.

“ Here. Here,” My mother gasped feebly.

I silently sent the gods a thank you prayer as I entered the basement.

“ What are you doing back here? I told you to leave!” My mother snapped.

Leave it to my mom to lecture me in the middle of a fire.

“ Mom, what are you…?” I stopped talking midway when I realized what my mom was doing.

“ I couldn't leave his things here. I couldn't leave him,” My mother began to sob uncontrollably.

The contents of the cabinet that stood before her were lying on the ground. She was clutching a box labeled ‘Dad's stuff’s to her chest.

---×---

It's been over a year since he died. He was diagnosed with leukemia shortly after my brother was born.

He loved being among the nature and wilderness so after he married my mom, he built a huge wooden house right next to the woods, far away from the city.

Everything in this house reminded me of him.

He memorized all the tricky spots of the floor so that we could eat ice cream in the middle of the night without waking my mom up.

We would camp out in the woods every weekend and he would bring out his guitar. We would sing and dance underneath the sky full of the stars, the warmth glow from the fire matching our smiles and laughter.

Every wall was filled with memories of our trips to Disney Land, the Grand Canyon, when Brian won his first soccer game, Aunt Lucy's wedding, the day we shaved off all of dad's hair.

He wanted the people who came to our home know our story through the walls.

Something about making the house look homely as possible.

‘ An empty wall is an empty house,’ was what he used to say.

---×---

“ Mom, you can't carry all these boxes. There are too many of them!” I pointed out, hoping that she would notice the urgency in my tone.

“ Please. They're all I have left of him. Please,” She pleaded, her lips quivering as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

I took a deep breath. 

“ Take some of the stuff and get out of the house. The fire is getting bigger by the second. I'll bring the rest,” I promised as I took some of the boxes from her.

“ Thank you, darling. Thank you,” My mom quickly took some boxes and raced upstairs.

There were three more boxes left to carry and I was about to keep them one over another when I heard a blood curling scream.

“ Mom? MOM!” I ran up the upstairs to see my mother lying on the ground, her legs trapped under a burning bookcase.

I ran to the kitchen to get a glass of water but it was already blazing.

I removed my shirt and quickly put the fire out as much as I could.

I lifted the bookcase to reveal my mother's right foot twisted at an odd angle.

“ It hurts,” My mother whimpered in pain.

We rushed out of the door, my mother shifting her weight unto me as she limped.

I looked at my feet, the shoes were smoldering, the smell of burning rubber filled the air.

I laid my mom next to the flower pots kept on the front porch and dropped to my knees in front of her.

“ I'm going to go get Dad. I'll be back,” I promised.

It was a promise I was willing to make.

---×---

Neil died a year ago from cancer. Leukemia to be exact.

The funeral was hazy. Family members kept coming and going. All I could remember was seeing him frail and weak on his death bed, smiling at me as if I was the most beautiful thing he ever laid eyes on.

And crying. Lots and lots of crying.

I tried different places of therapy, every one of them worst than the last.

But nothing was ever going to fill that void in my heart.

Nothing.

I took on the habit of smoking. There was something so oddly therapeutic about puffing out smoke as if I were releasing all the negativity within me, with it.

Maya tried to make me quit but there are just some things that kids wouldn't understand.

It was a Friday.

Friday was family game night.

We still put an extra plate for him on the table, watched reruns of his favorite TV shows, pretending as if he still exists among us.

October 16th was the date today.

It was also the day he proposed to me.

Memories of him kept swirling in my mind keeping me occupied throughout the game. Maya kept giving me worried looks but I shook my head indicating that there was nothing to be concerned about.

He knelt down on one knee before me, his palms revealed a ring. His eyes filled with love and longing.

“ Will you marry me?”

“ Yes. The answer is always yes,” I said breathless as I pulled him closer for a kiss.

I blinked a couple of times before I realized where I was.

“ I'm going to go get a glass of water,” I excused myself to the kitchen.

I could feel Maya’s stare burn holes at the back of my head all the way to the kitchen.

I drew out a cigarette from a secret stash hidden under the cat cookie jar and gently opened the sliding glass window a little to make sure that the kids wouldn't smell the smoke.

It was in these moments of silence that I let the tears fall. Gasping and sobbing as I let out the smoke.

“ Mom?”

I quickly threw the burning cigarette and watched it fall on the grass and checked my breath.

I turned around to find Maya standing there, a look of grief gripping her face.

I couldn't let her see me like this. I needed to be strong for her and Brian.

I wiped my tears away and tried to put on a convincible smile.

“ I'm perfectly fine. Come on, we wouldn't want to keep your brother waiting,” I said as I dragged her into the living room.

A couple minutes later.

“ Do you guys smell smoke?” Brian asked with a scrunched face.

That must have been the cigarette.

“ No. I smell nothing. So, Brian, how was school today?” I nodded hoping to steer the conversation to another direction.

“ Yeah, you're right. I do smell something. Maybe we left the stove on or something,” Maya quickly got up from her seat and went to the kitchen.

And then came the scream.

“ FIRE!! MOM, THERE IS A FIRE!” Maya came running into the room, her face ghostly white.

“ The lawn is on fire and it reached the kitchen,” She struggled to make out the words.

Holy shit.

“ Take your brother and get out of here. Go to the Pickets and call for help. Go, NOW!” I said as calmly as possible while I was panicking on the inside.

At least my kids will be safe, I thought. 

“ I love you both,” I kissed their foreheads and pulled them into a tight hug before they ran out the door.

I turned to the direction of the stairs which led him to the basement.

I had a few things I needed to take care of.

---×---

Everything was either burning or crashing down. The smoke was getting thicker which made my eyes tear up.

The fire was slowly snaking towards the basement. 

I ran to the end of the staircase and swatted my pants to put out the fire.

I grabbed the boxes one by one but before I could take my first step, the entire staircase collapsed.

Splinters of wood flew through the air, some of the pieces embedded deep in to my skin.

The pain was horribly unbearable.

I roared at the top of my lungs.

I dropped the boxes and searched the room to see if there was a fire extinguisher.

There!

 It was sitting next to a pile of Dad's collection of encyclopedias.

I grabbed it and pressed on it.

Nothing came out.

I pressed on it again.

Nothing.

I turned to see to the top of the basement.

It was too late.

The fire had made it's way down here and was making it's way through each and every part of the room, ruining everything it passed through.

I was soon going to be trapped. I had no chances of escaping. I was going to die here.

---×---

My dad laid on the bed, too weak to get up.

I wrapped my hands in his and the moment I held him, his eyes slowly opened.

Our eyes met and he gave me a faint smile.

“ Hey, sweetheart,” He said in a feeble voice.

“ Hey, dad,” I tried to smile but I couldn't make myself to do it.

“ Don’t cry. Please don't cry,” He whispered.

He gently stroked my hair.

“ I don't want you to go, Dad. Please, don't go,” I wept, my chest heaving in and out.

“ Dad needs to rest, honey. You take care of mom and Brian for me. Ok?”

I didn't answer. I didn't want to answer.

“ Maya. Can you promise me that?” He asked softly, his voice sounded distant than before.

I nodded my head unable to look him in the eye.

“ I love you, sweetie. I love you so much,” He sighed as if he had said what he finally wanted to say.

“ I love you too, Dad,” I said softly.

My dad died twenty minutes later.

---×---

The fire was growing closer and closer. The heat was burning my hair off my skin,my skin was sweating profusely.

The last thing I heard before I closed my eyes was the sound of a faint siren.