Pie Perfection!!

Hello lovely bakers. Today in celebration of the summer solstice (and also my birthday!) we’re making a gorgeous sunshine yellow lemon meringue pie!

Lemon meringue pie can seem a bit retro but this dish is pure gold! I first made this pie on my honeymoon in Italy. I know it’s not an Italian dish but the mix of crisp pastry, tart lemon filling and fluffy meringue is a recipe for perfection in any language! Sometimes I’ll have a slice of pie and a glass of crisp well-chilled Prosecco and just imagine myself back in that jasmine scented garden looking out over the Mediterranean.

So even though I don’t have that husband or that villa anymore I can visit anytime I like. It just takes a few lemons, a lot of eggs and some baking secrets!

Tips and Tricks

The meringue you need for a lemon meringue pie is very basic. Just like my ex husband’s new wife! Just whisk together egg whites and sugar in a scrupulously clean mixing bowl and keep whisking til it stands up on it’s own. It’s also a great workout for your arms!

When it comes to the curd I’ll give you some more tips later but you’re going to want to cook it over a medium heat, not too high! And I like to add a little orange juice for sweetness and colour! My life has been a little short on both lately but it’s nothing a little oj can’t fix! Especially in a brunch time mimosa!!!

Now for the most difficult part - the pastry! People often ask me what the secret is to a perfect crisp base on their lemon meringue pie. The answer is so simple it’s probably something you have in your cupboard right now - at least if you’re anything like me!!!!

It’s vodka!

Vodka isn’t just the solution to the endless existential nightmares that plague you it’s also the solution to flabby pastry.

My ex was the one who taught me this trick. He wasn’t exactly a whizz in the kitchen but he sure knew his way around a cocktail shaker! In fact he loved booze so much he married a Brandy!!

Not me, Brandy is the bitch he cheated on me with. If you’re reading this Brandy I hope your pie is so dry it chokes you. Just kidding! She doesn’t bake.

Anyway!!!! Yes, that’s right vodka. The key to this a little science, vodka mixed with flour doesn’t form gluten in the same way as water. Too much gluten can make your pasty tough so if you replace the water you normally use to bring the dough together with a little vodka your pastry will always have that perfect sharp snap!!!!!

Now when you’re buying the ingredients remember that next week I’ll be sharing a recipe for my perfect vesper martini so make sure to stock up on lemons! And you’ll have no trouble using up that bottle or vodka!

For the pie the very best lemons come from the Amalfi coast. And if that’s you Brandy you can just pick some up from outside your villa can’t you. The one where we had our honeymoon, the one we bought together. But it’s yoooour little love nest now. Enjoy your lemons. The rest of us will have to make do with store bougHt!!!!!

Baking, not just lemon meringue pie, but in geberal is alllll about patience. I am a very patient person. That’s what makes me such a good cook! In this recipe you have to make sure you’re patient with thickening your curd. Try to go too fast and you’ll end up with egg all over your face! That’s just my little joke, the curd will split.

Split like me and you Ben. But it’s ok!!! Because I have patience, perseverance and personality- the three p’s!!! I can keep waiting while you and bouncy, boring Brandy swan around Italy because sooner or later you’ll notice that her IQ is lower than her bra size. And what are you going to do then Ben? Yeah you’ll be back.

Patience, perseverance and personality!

Those three qualities will get you through almost anything - along with a smile, a bottle of vodka and a freshly baked pie!

This pie is really too big for just one person so it’s best made for a special occasion. To share with friends. I have been making a lot of it lately to test this recipe and I am almost sick of eating it! But it’s just too good!!! Plus it’s nice to have a special treat for your birthday, tomorrow I’m going to head over to the neighbours and see if they want to split a pie with me!!!

I’m still working on the perfect ratios for those vesper martinis but if I get that right I might even ask them over for some drinks! And what about you Ben? Are you going to call? Do you remember it’s my birthday? You never were any good at remembering dates. I used to make strawberry cake but you preferred pie. Wellll now I’m making Pie Ben. I’m making so much PIe

Here ends the saved draft of the deceased’s final blog post. This document was recovered from Ms William’s laptop, which had been left upstairs in the bedroom. It is conjectured that the deceased fell asleep at the dining table while the gas burner on the stovetop was still lit. The remains of a tea towel were also recovered from the scene. It had apparently been used to soak up some spilled alcohol and this may have been the catalyst to the spread of the fire. By the time Ms Williams awoke the fire would have taken hold and it would have been difficult for her to escape given the blood alcohol levels recorded at her autopsy. She appears to have died as a result of smoke inhalation.

This is ruled as death my misadventure, our condolences to the family of Ms Williams who were sadly unable to attend this tribunal.