The New Recruit

All summer Natalie had been pondering this day with a mixture of excitement, anxiety and promise. The first day of school, her first at a new job.  She’d gotten too comfortable at her old local comp after seven years of what felt like the same lessons, trips and staff room moans and felt it was time for a change.

She’d met this new department which she would lead on her interview day and they didn’t seem fully keen. Sarah, a plucky NQT seemed to welcome the change, but the older male teacher, Michael, seemed damp in her presence and well, Jaquelyn, now part time teacher and prior Assistant Head seemed ready to snipe at any opportunity.

 Natalie settled into the chair that she’d strategically placed at the side of the desks so as not to project her authority too much. She’d rewatched a TED talk the night before on emanating the appropriate sort of authority and then reread an article on the gender pay gap to bolster her sense of self. She felt sure that Michael’s resistance stemmed from deep rooted patriarchal chauvinism. She imagined him being red faced and aggressively aroused by scenes of women being forced fed during the suffragette movement. He was the sort of man she imagined probably watched a lot of pornography but had a very sexually frustrated wife, probably called something like Diane or Judith.

She checked her watch, the meeting was due to start at 9:00, surely they wouldn’t be late on her first day. As time ticked on she re read the hand written notes she’d scrawled last night on the minutes, painstakingly crafted weeks before after studying the horrific summer exam results. As far as she could tell it had been an underachieving bright cohort. It wasn’t difficult to see why, the lessons on the shared area were dry, textbook based and well, lazy.

Natalie glanced over at the stack of history textbooks at the back of her new classroom. They were beset with the usual suspects, badly daubed swastikas, breast erupting from the heads of historical visionaries like Wilberforce and poorly drawn penises or was it peni? She was never sure, more a question for an English teacher she reflected sadly thinking of the friends she had left behind at her old school.

 The door swung open suddenly and Sarah appeared at the door clutching a depressed looking croissant.

‘Oh Natalie’ she said with surprise ‘didn’t Michael tell you? On the first inset day of term we all meet with the Humanities team for breakfast in the department office before meetings start. You know, to catch up after the summer?’ Natalie looked embarrassed, this was not the polished start she’d envisioned and besides she’d worked hard to loose 5lbs of holiday weight in a gruelling end of summer fast and she’d be forced to consume something out of mere politeness.

‘Right, I’ll head on over.’ She said with a perturbed smile. She followed Sarah down the corridor, she was irritatingly perky, a real swagger in her step in her eccentric ankle boots and she’d worn nice clothes today. She’d dressed up for inset day, breaking one of the cardinal teacher rules that you slobbed out on these hallowed student free days.

‘Nice boots.’ Natalie said all the while enjoying the springy, freedom of her comfortable pumas.

‘Aw thanks’ she said whilst turning to face her and putting her hand delicately on her chest. ‘I had a wonderful Year 11 form last year, just fab kids. You know, not for everyone, they were little shits when they wanted to be.’ She laughed ‘but for me, you know they just knew.’

 The story ended there having fulfilled its purpose with little attention paid to the key detail about the shoes. Natalie had been suitably notified that she shared a department with a goddess. ‘My favourite kind of teacher’ Natalie thought the humble bragger, how delightful she thought as she imagined the inevitable smug conversations that would ensue once she ran into her own behaviour problems and she looked to her department for advice.

‘How are you feeling anyway? Sarah continued without waiting for a reply ‘I know your probably a bit nervous, I was just the same on my first day here but everyone’s just lovely and you know, really supportive, and Marie did such a great job.  I mean there’s lots of things that maybe I would have done a bit differently, like maybe makings things a bit more modern and up to date but that’ why we’re so excited that you’re here.’

‘Yes, she seemed popular Marie, I suppose it will be weird because she was here for such a long time. Why did she leave?’

This was a question she’d wanted to ask at interview but it had been swept under the table. It was highly unusual for a Head of Department to just quit midway through term it made for an uncomfortable conversation amongst the interview candidates on the day as they each speculated. A nervous breakdown? Disagreements with the head? The department? A better job? She was married, maybe her husband wanted a move? Still Natalie had cast these doubts aside when she accepted the job as the kids seemed reasonable, the head amenable and more importantly, it was only a short commute which boded well for the future.

 Sarah burst into the Humanities office shouting breezily ‘The Newbie’s here, I’ve just rescued her from room 41. It’s always so gloomy in there in the mornings ’. Michael was startled, mid mouthful of donut, and spat out repulsive flecks of shiny icing as he shot out a quick morning greeting. ‘Stuffing his face’ Natalie thought with instant dislike. He’s probably the sort of person who eats a full packet of biscuits at a meeting and thinks its playful.

‘That was my old room, I loved it in there’ a husky voice said from the corner. A thin, bony hand looped with silver chains reached out across the desk. Not to shake Natalie’s hand but to reach for a glass of steaming strong coffee, and she grabbed it impressively, whole handedly. Natalie loved her instantly. She could practically see the cigarette smoke billowing out from behind her like a thought cloud. 

‘This is Anne.’ Sarah said brightly, comfortably settling into the saddle of overzealous host. ‘She used to be the Head of Geography but now’ she paused awkwardly ‘now she’s just a teacher. You know Anne’s very old school, she got very fed up of all the new bits, the smartboards, the new pedagogical approaches, blooms taxonomy, you know all the usual..’

‘You mean I decided I don’t give a shit anymore’ Anne interrupted. Natalie was in love.

‘Well anyway’ Sarah continued ‘It’s all things we’ve been working on this year and the school teaching and learning focus…’ she rambled on and Natalie got the point. She was the bright shining star who no one dared eclipse. She wondered if anyone was really listening. Michael was ferociously tucking into a second pastry, she imagined a new layer of fat bursting out over the already humid spare tyres concealed under his buttoned up shirt. What a belly she thought, and instantly imagined the thought of it slapping against you mid sex. Nauseated, she moved on to Anne, who was giving Sarah the middle finger with her eyes. 

‘Oh and this is Jaquelyn’ Sarah said as a small, slim woman in her late thirties winged through the door.

‘Do you want a croissant Jack’ Sarah said. Jacquelyn ignored her completely ‘Hi Natalie, sorry I’m late childcare issues. Apparently my husband thinks that his morning run is more important than me getting to work on time. Do you have kids?’ 

‘er.’ Natalie paused was this a good time to tell them her and her husband were trying? Always seemed a weird thing to say as though you were basically telling strangers that you were shagging more but in a very procedural way. ‘Not yet’ she replied and suddenly had a flashback to her gender paygap talk ‘never tell them your planning on a family.’ She saw Sarah’s face lighten, ‘she must be desperate for me to go so she can take my place on Mat leave.’ She thought.

‘Well don’t have them too soon or the child whisperer here will be in charge.’ She said deadpan whilst nodding over at Sarah. Sarah laughed nervously. Anne flashed a brief smile.

‘Oh, don’t be silly.’ She said laughing.

‘Don’t pretend Sarah’ Jacquelyn said sighing as she bustled in to make herself a cup of tea.

‘Anyway, your welcome to have Marie’s computer.’ Jacquelyn continued. Natalie looked over at the old desktop, the mouse looked sticky to the touch and there was a year’s supply of hastily eaten biscuits sprinkled liberally over the keyboard.

‘Thanks’ she replied ‘but I’ll probably work in my classroom. Did Marie work in here much?’ she said fishing for the story. There was an uncomfortable silence. 

‘er she did’ Sarah mumbled ‘but she preferred the classroom, you know, more hussle and bussle. Anyway time to start the meeting Natalie, you don’t want to be late on you first day.’

The meeting came and went with little event. It was driven by a repative cycle of Sarah boasting about some new idea that she know felt she had the the ‘freedom to run with’. Followed by Jacquelyn alternating between eyes glazing over, head in hands or being overly caffeinated.  ‘A 3 year  long sleep regression’ she repeated manically as an excuse. Finally the cycle finished spectacularly with Michael reaching over to open another packet of biscuits. She’d asked about Marie leaving of course and was given a very limited reply. Some speculation about a husband getting new job, priorities changing and so on.

 They bought their lunch back together from the canteen at midday. The usual school tradition applied, a lukewarm salad and overcooked jacket was offered as a bonus free meal to boost staff morale on the first day back. The office was barely big enough to contain them all and Natalie stood awkwardly trying to cram baked beans into her mouth from an unwieldy polystyrene plate. She resented eating in front of new people it was always so exposing, especially whilst trying to make vapid small talk.

‘So what are the kids like here then generally? Any bad ones I need to know about?’ Natalie said trying to break the silence.

‘Oh just the same as anywhere.’ Michael replied.

‘Well we do have some quite challenging students’ Sarah interrupted ‘Let me know if you want me to go through your timetable with you and I can point out any of the difficult ones, and give you some pointers. Some of them really need to be handled in a very particular way?’

‘Thanks.’ Natalie replied and caught sight of Anne dragging her plastic knife in a very particular way to sever her plate in half.

‘And what’s the head like? She continued.

‘She’s okay’ Michael said ‘fair.’

‘And the sports facilities? She said trying to remain interested. No one even bothered with that one for a good while.

‘Yes, but mostly it’s just an excuse for naughty kids to miss parts of lessons for matches.’ replied Jacqulyn.

‘Well I suppose so’, Sarah said, ‘but I think it’s really important for them. So many times these kids have said to me that it’s there only escape.’

‘So, is there much of a social life at the school?’ Natalie continued to dig around desperately for conversation. 

‘Not really, Marie use to organise the odd thing but not in the law few months.’ Sarah tailed off.

‘Oh?’ finally Natalie, thought a way in. ‘and then what happened?’ she said invitingly. No one took the bait. ‘And do you run many extra circular activities?’ she continued hopefully.

‘I run a gifted and talented group for the History department after school every Monday’ Sarah said ‘And of course there’s all the usual things bands, show’s etc. There’s always room for help there. I help to supervise backstage with the make up, I’m sure Mollie, Head of Drama,  wouldn’t mind you helping out’ she said with an appraising eye.  There was an awkward silence as Natalie weighed out how soon she would be able to refuse such ungracious offers without looking selfish.

‘Yes that would be great,’ she said unwillingly. There was another long painful silence as they mopped up the remnants of cold baked beans and springy plastic cheese.

‘And do you run any trips?’ Natalie continued desperately, god this good impression making was draining she thought.

‘er we used to run a trip to France but then it got cancelled. Sarah said.

‘Oh, Why?’ Natalie said the silence was painful.

‘Because it’s when Michael and Marie started fucking each other.’ Anne said. No one reacted. Michael shifted in his chair uncomfortably, Jaquelyn beamed with pleasure and Sarah looked as though she was trying to control every muscle in her body.

‘Oh come on we’re all adults here, they even did it a few times on that desk.’ She said pointing with a long finger at the old, destitute computer.