1. Do not, under any circumstances, accept any job offers from people whom you have known for two hours, 24 minutes, and 2 seconds
2. Always, check if your work is going where you are told it would go, like a website and not a bomb
3. Run background checks on everyone in your new work environment, making sure that they are all perfectly safe and sane people
4. Make sure no one is supposed to be in an asylum named Bright Rose Life
5. Check if there is a bomb at your desk every day
6. Know all your colleagues’ ages before you say yes to a date from them
7. Make sure all future dates are not taken
8. Make sure all future dates are not your married-with-kids boss in disguise
9. If 8. happens, make sure you say no immediately instead of an hour later 
10. Make sure that someone in your work environment knows how to diffuse a bomb
11. Don’t punch anyone in the face if called “bonbon”
12. Always, always, memorize the most wanted lists in every state, including Maine
13. Always, memorize most wanted lists everywhere, including Kyrgyzstan
14. Make sure no one you know and spend a lot of time with is on a most wanted list anywhere, INCLUDING MAINE
15. Make sure no colleagues are number one, escaped convicts, that work for the mafia
16. Confirm no one in your work environment is a homophobic, misogynistic, racist bigot that makes fun of your Chinese-French heritage
17. If there is a homophobic, misogynistic, racist, bigot, sock the bigot within an hour of knowing him instead of after he insults your girlfriend
18. Make sure said girlfriend is not clearly cheating on you and using zodiac signs as a reason to break up, even though yours and her signs are VERY compatible
19. Make sure your calculations are ACTUALLY for toothpaste and not for bombs
20. Make sure that if 19. does occur, that said bombs are not in your desk
21. Make sure that your fellow, super pretty colleague is single
22. Make sure that she is your age
23. Make sure that she is supposed to be here and not in the asylum down the road
24. Make sure that she is not setting off bombs using your calculations at your desk with the mafia’s help
25. Make sure that everyone knows your name is A. C. Bonbell
26. Do not sock so many people
27. Double-check when your girlfriend is going to visit her sister
28. Make sure she is visiting her sister
29. Make sure she has a sister
30. Make sure she isn’t with her secret boyfriend in Central Park
31. Make sure you are not walking in Central Park when your girlfriend is visiting her sister
32. Do not scream your significant other’s name when you see her making out with your colleague who is supposed to be in prison and part of the mafia, married to the super pretty colleague who is actually 50 and supposed to be in an asylum, sister of your boss who is married to like 40 women and has 64 girlfriends or something
33. Make sure all teddy bears are solely for the purpose of cuddling
34. Make sure there are no secret cameras in your office
35. Make sure you don’t have a creepy stalker
36. Make sure this creepy stalker does not live right across from you
37. Make sure this creepy stalker is not staring at you every time you step out of the house
38. Make sure you are not being watched by a creepy stalker and the Kyrgyzstani government
39. Never take a Sunline plane to China
40. If you do, make sure that the guy sitting next to you is not the creepy stalker who is the homophobic, misogynistic, racist, bigot from work
41. Also, make sure that the other guy sitting next to you is not the Kyrgyzstani government official who put security cameras on your desk and in your teddy bears
42. Make sure that your jack of many affairs boss is not working with the mafia colleague (AKA his brother-in-law via pretty old asylum colleague) that your girlfriend cheated on you with and all your designs have been used by the American Mafia and then the Kyrgyzstani Mafia
43. Make sure that you don’t have to take a lie detector test from the FBI ever again
44. Make sure that you don’t have to take a lie detector test from the Kyrgyzstani government ever again
45. Make sure your new job is nice and safe
46. Make sure you get a healthy and great work environment
47. Try to make sure no more of your sisters have traumatic events, 5 is enough
48. Try to make sure Bill Clarkson doesn’t keep tricking your sisters by asking them out, getting serious with them, getting a new girl, and then trying to throw them off a cliff, not realising that they all know acrobatics and can flip to safety
49. Make sure your parents don’t get into a big fight over your youngest sister’s college education, whether she should take economics or the arts
50. Make sure they take into account what your youngest sister wants
51. Make sure they also take into account your youngest sister is 5
52. Make sure that your second-youngest sister is not getting harassed by her ex-boyfriend but is too scared to tell anyone
53. Make sure that her boyfriend is not your boss’s 4th kid
54. Make sure that your third-youngest sister is not struggling through college because your parents have been controlling her and she doesn’t want to do this major in this college and like these things and see these movies and read these books
55. Buy white flowers for your brand new girlfriend who helped you get a new job and a psychologist and whom you helped to learn acrobatics