You Will Never Know

There she was checking out the entire town as the chaos of black Friday approached. Her head was filled with the constant beeps that came from the endless scanning. Her cheeks had begun to ache as her fake smile grew tighter and tighter with every customer that filed into her line. If the store was to suddenly become quiet then you could hear her feet scream their protests of standing in the same spot for hours. Tasha finally tuned back into reality and stared at the man who was placing his garish items on her counter. His face was painted red as he put some intimate items in front of her, hidden under the less embarrassing items. Tasha was not fazed. She would never judge a customer; she did not care that much. As soon as she reached to begin checking the man out, he opened his mouth.

 “Do you think my girlfriend will like this?” he sheepishly smiled as he asked.

Tasha felt her entire soul tighten at that question. Before she replied she inhaled with a sharp intake of breath. “Of course, she will”, came the strained reply. 

The man's shoulders dropped the tension that was hidden there, completely oblivious to Tasha’s demeanor change. Why would he be? He had just spent an hour shopping for a loved one. All of the customers in Tasha’s line had more important people to worry about. As she handed the relieved man his receipt, her hand brushed against his. She came to the devastating realization that the only human contact she had only came from strangers. 

Everyone in Tasha’s life was either gone permanently or never stayed long enough for her to receive a well-thought-out gift. That’s why the manager hired her for the seasonal position. She was available to overwork due to her never having family emergencies. Tasha’s trauma made her perfect in corporate’s eyes. Suddenly, the air around her became thin and a twinkle appeared in her eyes. She knew that this was her warning that she was close to an anxiety attack accompanied by tears. She wanted nothing more than to run to her car and cry her eyes out but she had to stand there and check out the next customer. Had to check out the next customer while internally she had to wrestle with how insignificant she was to the world. 

Her eyes drifted to the time that was at the bottom of her screen. She had two more hours till she could head to her dark and cold apartment. Surprisingly these thoughts disappeared when she was alone; she could distract herself with the chores that came with the territory of living alone. She had been an introvert, maybe that was to prepare herself for the loneliness that would become her only companion. 

This unusual emotional warfare went on for so long. It seemed as if time itself had blurred into an endless lifetime before Tasha was able to make the increasingly long journey to the breakroom. Once sheltered in the room away from the crowd, Tasha dragged her tired feet to her locker. Some of her other coworkers were also in there, ready to head home. The room was quiet except for the lock sliding through Tasha’s fingertips. When her eyes finally looked down at her hand, she was not shocked to find it covered in glitter. A small poof of air burst from her chapped lips. Tasha wondered how long the glitter would be with her. 

After an embarrassing amount of time, Tasha finally was able to get her locker open. She quickly grabbed her purse and phone. As she walked back into the store, she finally was able to look at people with her true lifeless eyes. Her fake smile was left behind at the door of the breakroom. Finally, she was free. Tasha happily took a step into the bitter cold and dark night. She hurriedly walked across the parking lot and practically jumped into her car. As Tasha waited for the windshield to defrost, her mind began to wander. 

Tasha was wondering which show she should binge-watch while she cleaned her apartment this weekend. She could just see out of her windshield when she decided to watch her favorite youtube channel. Suddenly a face popped up, out the window to her right. The initial shock caused a wave of soft pain to quickly flow through her body. Once she recognized her co-worker’s face she rolled down the window, hesitantly. 

“I am so glad I caught you”, Daniel huffed as he leaned into the car. Tasha felt a strong need to plaster the fake smile on her face. Even though she got along with her coworkers, Tasha was not expecting to see them for a few more days. 

Daniel’s flushed face peered at Tasha with anticipation. “A couple of us were gonna get together because my family went out of town. I was wondering if you wanted to come too. All you have to do is bring some food, for a mini thanksgiving.” 

He spoke the words so fast that it all came out in a jumbled mess. After a few beats in silence, while Tasha unscrambled the sentence in her mind, she silently nodded her head in the smallest movement. Daniel’s face appeared to brighten even more than Tasha thought possible. 

“Sweet, I will text you the information tomorrow.”, he said as he waved and walked to his car. After he left and drove off, Tasha was still looking out the window. She was still and quiet. She slowly felt the corner of her mouth turn up. 

Tasha was excited, truly excited. The invitation to not be alone on the holidays meant the world to her, even if Daniel would never know the significance behind it. If she could she would wrap this feeling and put the biggest bow on top. She had forgotten what it was like to go somewhere and be welcomed by people who actually knew her. As she drove off, Tasha thought about pulling out her family cookbook to make something for the gathering; this way she would still have the gift of old memories and new beginnings all in one night.