TEA WITHOUT SYMPATHY

TEA AND NO SYMPATHY

“Jeremy, I know you are surprised that I invited you here. After all that’s happened between us. But sometimes we have to put the past aside, right? And it occurred to me that since you have been everywhere, unlike me, and you’ve eaten and probably poured yourself everything worth pouring –especially tea--in parts of the world that someone like me could only dream about visiting, you would be more than a little interested to try a new tea –a tea that you have never encountered before!   That’s why I invited you over. Not to go over  past sins again, but to serve you this mystery tea, a variety that will be new even to your well-traveled palate!  I invited you for an afternoon for Tea and sympathy you, might say.”

“Ok, on the tea, Jack. Although I don’t know what you could possibly surprise me with. You know that tea is my passion, but I don’t know about sympathy. I am a proud man. I admit that. I don’t apologize, I don’t explain. You know that about me since we have had our differences.”

“Our differences, Jeremy?  That’s a pretty mild word. You might even say a wishy- washy word. Jeremy, you’re the man who seduced my wife.  The man I almost asked to be my best man at the wedding! You sweet-talked Carlotta away from me..and under false pretences. “

“Yes, yes, Jack, but that was 5 years ago,  5 long years ago. It’s in the past. I am a man of the present. If you brought me over here to rehash the past, I’ll be leaving, without the mystery tea. “

“No, Jeremy, I did not invite you over for that reason, although you should be able to appreciate the pain you caused me, even if it should be behind me.  I invited you over for tea. And you will stay because it is not just another cup of tea, my friend, but a true tea drinking experience! “

“Not just any tea? You amaze me. Jack! Since when have you become a connoisseur of the noble leaf? Have you, this late in life, discovered that there is more to what  the British call ‘a cuppa’ than Lipton’s? Seriously, Jack, I don’t want to spoil your surprise,  but I doubt there is a tea – loose or bagged , leaf or root—that I haven/t tasted and either appraised and relished or sent packing.

“Well, Jeremy,  if we’re going to forgive and  forget like men and  take the high road as they say, let’s drink to it !  Not with just a proper cup of tea, but with, as you will soon see, a one- of- a- kind once-in-a-lifetime kind of tea!

“A proper cup of tea, it’s funny you should say that, Jack. As I recall, Carlotta, as a British girl, could never make a proper cup of even ordinary out-of-the box tea, could she?   Hands off the Brown Betty, I used to tell her”

“True, that was one of the many things in domestic life she could not seem to get the hang of. Well, we are both free of her, to put it in your terms, Jeremy. I am ready to start the tea surprise.”

“ Ah, as am I. And I see you have the proper electric kettle about to whistle.”

“You will not be disappointed, Jack. About the details.  This is water from a Colorado mountain spring. It is twice filtered and clear of all chemicals!”

“Excellent!  You surprise me, Jack. Carlotta always laughed at my pickiness about the “proper” water for tea.  She was happy with tap. Imagine! As though it makes no difference.”

“Tap water! Jack, as you would note, it says something about a person, doesn’t it? “

“And do you have the proper bone china pot and cup for tea?”

“I have that, too. Real Staffordshire.  Come into the kitchen and be imressed by my authentic tea tray! See the Silver spoons, old fashioned sugar cubes and real Irish cream?” 

“Funny you say that, Jack and sorry to rehash the past again but I’m remembering that Carlotta was just fine with sugar out of a cardboard box along with and those dreadful so-called! Creamers!”

“As you say, Jeremy, choices like that say something about a person, don’t they? Even a person with soft Irish skin and shiny blonde curls. “

“Choices even at tea are so telling. Oh well. Box sugar, creamers and bagged tea and Carlotta – they are all behind both of us now.”

“I must say that I’m impressed so far with your presentation. Jack. Now, shall I try to guess what the mystery variety is? You know that I’m have had tea …in China, …in Russia, even…in the African Bush. I have drunk the best, the absolute cream of the crop of teas from the four corners of the earth. I don’t know what you could possibly pour from that pot that would surprise me! But I am ready.”

“Jeremy, I am so humbled by your experience and your tea epicurean creds. That’s whyI chose this tea which is exotic and rare.  I would not waste it on another friend.  We have arrived at the moment de jour. Are you ready? I  have hands on the kettle and I am going to start the first pour!

“Give me a minute, Jack. I have to try to guess what this mystery tea is. I can’t believe it but maybe you got ahold of a Hong Pao tea?  It’s cultivated in the Wuyi mountains of Fujian province, in China. It may be the priciest tea on the planet. But that wouldn’t be in your budget. And I can hardly see you and Carlotta sitting around at tea time sipping anything this high class.  No offense. Anyway, speaking of class, she isn’t in your life anymore, anyway. “

“No Jeremy, it’s not that tea. And no, Carlotta isn’t in my life anymore because you took her from me, remember?  And then you left her, just picked up and left her! But let’s not go there. Let’s stick with the tea. Hint:  it is nothing you have ever had before. Guess again?”

“It couldn’t be the Yellow Gold Tea buds? The leaves are sprayed with 24-carat gold. Farmers cut the leaves from the shrubs using golden shears. And harvesting is only done one day every year, but it can’t be that. How would you, a lowly CPA, even know about this rare tea, let alone afford it?”

“Nope, Jeremy. You are wrong again. I may be just a CPA and a lowly one, but I’ve got you on this guessing game. “

“Enough of this guessing, Jack. I say pour while the kettle is hot. And let me taste.”

“As you like, Jeremy. I promise you this will be a new experience for you, even though I know you think have tasted  absolute everything worth tasting.”

You flatter me, Jack. But not by that much. Here goes. Maybe I’ll drink it without any additions. To get the full experience.”

“I agree, I want you to have the full experience.  That’s the way to approach it. Here goes. “

“MMM… it is a most peculiar aroma …and an even off-putting flavor. At first sip. But I never come to any conclusions after two or three sips.”

Yes, Jeremy, by all means, finish your cup. You never how you’ll feel when you finish it, the full cup.”

“I’m not sure if I can. It really is off-putting, Jack. Almost repulsive. I hope you didn’t pay a lot for it. Are you going to tell me the name at last?”

“Sure, Jack. I will divulge the name …and a lot more. It’s called Wolfsbane.  It is a tad poisonous, as the name suggests.  Carlotta got it for me to give to you. In a few minutes you will feel bad, heart palpitations, headache, and stomach pains. You might almost feel as though you are going to die, but you won’t because the leaves are laced with an ordinary out of the box black tea.”

“You have poisoned me! “

“No, I have sickened you, Jeremy.  Temporarily. And made you realize…”

“What could a poisonous cup of tea make me realize….?”

“It could make you realize that you will never want to steal another man’s wife again! And you will never want another cup of tea!”

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