Petrichor

" You know the worst kind of imprisonment Alex? The door is wide open but we cannot move as if we're chained by invisible memory threads of the past. It is then that we see the future through that ajar door, Living off it's faint light."

" Hmm Does it hurt mum? When we die? "

" Not more than it hurts the ones who are living. "

                *****

I wonder why mum said that, what might have she felt at that moment. I didn't get it back then at my father's funeral. Not because I was seven. Just because I didn't pay any attention.

Mom was right indeed, it did hurt when she died.

Now They're finally resting next to each other.

Isn't it funny how memories work? 2 am under the neon light, cold bars of this bench make my palm numb yet I want to clench it tight.

My parents grave in a distance.

I close my eyes yet I don't see their images instead I'm back seven again. Clenching my mother's fist tight seated on the same bench, I feel her warmth but I cannot imagine her face. Swinging my legs playfully without a care for the world.

In a split moment, The autumn sky's turning ash, adults in black under their umbrellas walking past one another in a blur drizzling rain. The petrichor scent filling me up.

I don't feel mum's warmth now, she's no where. I'm all alone and the bench bar's cold as I clench it tight. A girl around my age in a straw hat and her pink gown dissolving in the crowd. But her eyes fixed towards me. I wonder why. The Saddest face I've ever seen..

               *****

A long row of empty benches each lit with a neon lamppost for every sleepless soul restless in the cemetery and Alex seated in one, though a living soul. His eyes fixed at a point in the distance so far In past.

He is in need of something, he was different from many other people she met before she thought. She couldn't approach him like any other day she usually did. So, she sat there by the end of the bench looking at him, he didn't move an inch though he was awake, a student from the looks of his with his bag by his side.An hour passed by in a minute.

It was time she finally went back to her place. Instead she just sat next to him hesitant to touch the back of his hand. The lamppost flickers. He turns his face, looking at her drearily .

His eyes have lost their light searching for something too long in the dark.

"How much?" he asked her, she was a bit taken aback but then again, he was no different from the rest of them, she thought .

"50 $ at your place, 75$ at mine," she answered boldly.

"All this fishing for just a 50," he sounded rude.

It was common now hearing people say things, she was getting used to them.

"You don't have any money do you ?" she simply asked.

" No."

" Thought so. "

"Then why approach me ?"

" My bad, I should've just stayed..I just wanted to talk," her voice almost came out like a squeal.

She didn't understand why she felt so hurt, it was hope. She hoped him to be different.

She rose up and turned her body in a sharp sway.

"Where can I find you ?" he asked her out of nowhere, it wasn't what she expected to hear.

"By the river, tomatino street, Roberto clubs de alterne, you better have your money this time, not so friendly neighborhood it is." she said bluntly and walked into the dawn .

Next day he put on his white shirt and wheat brown plaid pants as soon as he realized it was 10 in the morning, he wore nothing underneath, he started to like it that way, he was trying to live on a minimum budget, he's a struggling arts student in the University of Spain trying to earn his own living.

"Don't forget to get butter, my amigo!" shouted his good pal and his roommate Diego.

" Sí ! Adios Diego. "

He jumped onto his dirt bike, the only thing he's so into right now presented to him by his only family, his uncle.

In 10 minutes he was in the University, it would've been a 30 minutes ride if it wasn't for the way he took through the woods on his dirt bike.

He's used to the stares people gave him for his attire and his bike, they weren't fitting nowhere in the University scenario. But he was an artist, defining the conventional way came naturally to him.

He enters his class stroking his hair back scratching his messy beard without a care for the world. Moves to his drawing board, his professor never gave a damn about anyone being late, as long as he was paid he would attend the classes was the impression he had on his professor.

In all his time, art was the only thing so soothing to him yet he was craving more of something lately which he had no idea of.

It wasn't until lunch break did he realize who he was sitting next to, it was the girl from the last night he thought.

He wasn't so sure, he stared at her till she slightly made a movement with her torso turning the other way and looked at him tensely from the corners of her eyes. He thought of calling out her name if only he knew !

He relaxed for a bit, started to get his charts into his sheet holder and by the time he did, she was nowhere to be found. He rushed out, looked around but there was no trace of her. He came back to his board, grabbed his bag.

Next to it he saw a pendant with a pink ruby. He put it in his pocket without a second thought.

He remembered her face as he went through the forest, he realized how lovely her eyes were, what a beauty she was and how numb he had become.

He waited till 6pm in his room and went to the tomatino street to see if it was her.

Roberto club was a gloomy place so was the street. People around didn't seem all friendly either. He went into the club. A fat lady in a Spanish gown who seemed to be the boss lady of the place ordered people around, yet she was polite as she led him in.

"Whom would you like to have young man ?" she asked curiously.

"Someone my age." he replied, it was his first time in such a place but movies made him all familiar with such scenarios.

She did observe him a bit till the three girls she called out arrived, one was white and the other two were Asians dressed lightly and in transparent blouses in a seductive way, he didn't pay attention to them. He didn't get to see what he came for. He felt dissapointed.

"Someone native." he asked her again.

"You've got some taste but we don't have any your age right now." she informed him, he seemed doubtful until she passed in the corridor

It was her, the one he wanted to see, in a lacy silk gown with a lifeless expression, like a lost angel in dark. All one had to do was pull a string on her back to see her trueself, he thought .

He pointed towards her as she went upstairs.

"She's reserved sweet heart, if only you could pay a lot better, you've missed your chance, at least you could've reached here yesterday. "

"Take the asian!" she insisted but he wasn't gonna give in.

"Just five minutes of her time and I'll be out." he requested

"Don't you dare pull her in love you cupid!" she warned him without a second thought .

"You got it all wrong." he tried to explain himself but was already ousted out.

Now that he was out of that brothel, he thought of going back home but his heart didn't let him. So he sat down on his dirt bike for almost an hour right outside, in hope the he'd see her but it just wasn't his day.. He tried to enquire the Asian girl who came out instead but she didn't quite seem to understand his language.

It was so dark now as the street wasn't so well lit either, he thought of climbing up to the balcony on the 1st floor as he saw her enter the room before.

He almost climbed it until someone grabbed him by his pant. He was a giant well built man with thick mustache and a bald head.

He tied him to a pole and brought the boss lady out.

"This is the last time I'm letting you go!" she warned him , " If I ever see you here again you're done!"

It didn't bother him the quietest bit though. He climbed it up this time just when they thought he was gone. He sneaked in and the glass door was curtained but unlocked. He tried to peep inside, she almost screamed as she approached the door for some fresh air.

She was so embarrassed as she had nothing on her and covered herself with her arms. He didn't feel rude at all evading her privacy. She was a prostitute after all. Many men must have done things with her he thought. Even quite surprised that she was embarrassed.

He looked around the room and a naked old man was sleeping on a large bed with rich clothes hung next to him. It looked so royal inside compared to the exterior.

They could now hear knocks on the door as someone came to check in hearing her scream.

She looked tensed, put on a robe and stayed mute .

All this time, he just looked at her lovely body. she hid him in the bathroom, the old man was so in sleep that it didn't matter.

She answered the door timidly giving some excuse. They did seem quite suspicious of her but the client was sound asleep so they let it be.

This woke the old man up and he called her to bed, she closed the door on the boss lady's face and went back to bed, undresssed her robe and slept naked next to him.

But he wasn't leaving. He came out of the bathroom, looked at her as she massaged the old man who was quite drunk.

She couldn't hold it any longer.

" Why are you here ? Leave already. " she wanted to scream but held it in.

" Do you have the money then ! " she squealed, she couldn't quite understand why she was so frustrated looking at him.

" What are you so embarrassed of ?" he asked her bluntly as she struggled to cover herself..

" It's not like people haven't seen you naked like that. I'm just some other guy who got to see you" he smirked

She looked at him in his eyes, her eyes red and tired.

" If I am naked before someone it's because I had to be and I was okay with it but here you are without my consent looking at my body taking it for granted." her voice cracked as she told him.

" Is this what you're for ? " she slipped her robe standing naked and so vulnerable before him grabbing his arm to her breasts to feel them.

A tear rolled down her eye as she looked at his eyes. He was taken aback. A Shiver ran down his spine as he realized what he just did, he evaded a girl's privacy, molested and objectified her. He never did something like that. He was shaken to his core as he felt her nipple on his palm. He didn't dare look at her in the eyes now. He almost jumped through the balcony, he couldn't bring himself to even apologize her. He rushed out jumped onto his bike and drove into the night.

They both didn't know anything about another but there was something that pulled them closer. Like the sea and the sky which seem to meet beyond sight but never do.

He couldn't take her out of his mind. Her eyes were all he could see in his memory. Not her body.

He sat down by the river , sand sipping through his fingers no matter how hard he held it. His knees hugged to his chest, gazing the smooth streaming flow of the river. Images of her dreamily fading under moon light. He just felt helpless, fell asleep there itself by the shore.

He woke up to the harsh sun midday , sleep has been quite addicting to him lately, time seemed to seep so smoothly under him. He had a severe headache now given the condition and abrupt position he slept through out the night.

He looked straight towards the sun because he wanted to feel alive even if it's a moment. He looked so long until a tear rolled down his right eye given the bright burning Sun.

He wanted to feel a tear on his cheek to make him feel alive for he couldn't remember when was the last time he ever cried. He raised up dusted himself and walked through the woods leaving his dirt bike behind at the shore. He walked all the way to his university until his professor finally stopped him at the gate .

" Look at yourself Alex," he paused for a bit and finally said,

" You look at the mirror and don't see yourself anymore, Do you Alex ? "

He didn't mind his professor's words, he was looking for something else.

" What you seek, you wouldn't find it here," he said it in a plain tone.

" Where do I find that then ?" he snapped.

Rain started to pour down all of a sudden now, his professor put on his trench coat as if he expected it to rain on this bright day.

"Give me an answer." he asked irritated.

"You have all the answers, it's the questions you're looking for Alex. "

For a moment everything froze before his eyes, his mind felt lighter at once for a brief moment . A sense of realization struck him. He looked at his professor with a sense of gratitude and his professor reciprocated it with an assuring nod.

He raced to that place where he first encountered her. The Cemetery bench. Quite strangely he wasn't surprised to see her sitting under the same lamppost he sat under that night. They both didn't mind the rain. It somehow made them feel some kind of an assurance. He walked hesitantly to her as she sat calmly with her face dug into her palms.

The lamppost lit as he stood right in front of her noticing his presence. She struggled to look at him through her tears.

He stepped back as she rose up difficultly , he hesitantly pulled out her pendant from his trouser pocket still not looking at her eyes.

They stand in silence. His Eyes finally meet her's. It was the saddest face he ever saw.

              *****

He sees his mum's image in her finally as he hesitantly clasps her palm and falls on his knees, both feeling the warmth of their fingers intertwining and clenching tight.

Hears his mum's soft voice again in the rhythmic silence of the rain patter. The familiar petrichor scent filling the air. Cold breeze subtly pulling them closer.

" Yet what we don't realize is that these chains are long enough to let us walk through that door and catch sunlight a little. But we're so caught up in thinking that we are chained to this wall, we end up in the corner looking at this wide door and wish things Alex. "