Jedda's self discovery

Contains Bullying

"I just want to cut it!" screams Jedda from across the room.

"Your hair is so beautiful, Why would you want to do that?" says her mother with concern in her eyes. 

"It's just not me," Jedda wines trying to fight back tears. 

"Do you wanna be a boy or something?" 

"No... I just... I wanna be myself... and I just... I just can't with this hair so long!"

Jedda is in her last year of middle school and is still trying to discover who she is and what she wants out of life. Her mom is trying to understand but they are so different that there is an intense disconnect.

The next day they went to the hair salon and Jedda ended up just getting it cut a few inches, landing just below her shoulders. She wasn’t happy with it but didn’t wanna fight anymore this week so she just went home locked her door and cried for a few hours. Her mom knocked on her door and she quickly wiped her face with a blanket and went to the door. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes glazed over from the tears that had been streaming all day. 

Her mom looked concerned,"You alright Jedda?"

"I'm fine," she said, walking past her mom to set the table for dinner.

Jedda was not fine. She was nowhere near fine but she didn’t want her younger brothers to worry. She was the oldest of 3 kids and the only daughter in the family so she had a lot of responsibility  to be an example for her brothers and to look after them when her mother was away. Her father had passed away 4 years ago and they were still trying to figure out life without him. Jedda missed him desperately, he was the one person that she felt understood her. Her one and only friend, and he has been gone for a long time. 

She has tried to make friends with kids her own age, but felt like none of them understood how she felt. Her brothers also didn’t understand, but to be fair they were only 6. The twins, Jamie and Jason, were little menaces but they were even smaller when their father passed away and didn’t remember him, so Jedda really felt alone in this world. 

Dinner was long and awkward. They were having spaghetti and Jedda hated spaghetti. The boys were making a mess and stuffing their faces by grasping handfuls of sauce covered noodles and jamming each bite after the next forcefully into their mouths. Jedda was spinning the spaghetti on her fork and taking small bites as she stared into the grandfather clock with thought. After dinner her mom approached her and asked what was wrong. 

She said, “Nothing” and walked away after rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. She went straight to her room and grabbed one of her dad’s baseball caps from her closet. She tried stuffing her hair into the hat and looked in the mirror with all the ends and pieces poking out from all directions. She smiled at the image looking back at her because it reminded her more of her father. She didn't want to be him or to be a boy but the idea of short hair and not always being called a girl was a big appeal. Before going to bed, Jedda stuffed the hat in her school bag, finished up the last of her math homework, and went to bed. 

The next morning she grabbed a hand mirror from the bathroom and stuffed it in her bag with the hat. She walked out the door in a hurry with a piece of toast in one hand and her bag in the other. She walked to school in a hurry and at the park around the corner from the school she stopped and arranged her hair the best she could under the hat. She smiled at the little reflection and walked into her morning class with her head held high. The teacher said nothing to her even though hats and other headwear that were non religious are strictly prohibited. 

First break came around and Jedda was excited to take her daily walk around the school. She enjoyed staring at the flowers and watching the cloud shapes slowly move through the sky. She turned the corner of her building and bumped right into Jessica, the school bully. Jessica fell on her butt and Jedda apologized profusely as tears started to form in her eyes. Jessica stood up and snached the hat off of Jedda’s head. 

“This is mine now,” says Jessica

“No please! That belonged to my father,” Crys Jedda.

“Well you should have thought about that before you knocked me over.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you until it was too late.”

“Well maybe next time you will learn.”

“Please it’s one of the only things that makes me feel like myself!”

“Whatever, you can get this back if you can find it, I will see you later loser.”

Jedda ran to the bathroom, tears flowing down her eyes. She could not stop crying and when the bell to go back to class rang she didn’t move, but continued to tremble. The bathroom door creaked open and low and behold whoever could it be. It was Jessica and her groupies. Jessica heard something from the third stall, shouted who is in here, and dismissed her minions. 

*Sniffle Sniffle* can be heard from the third stall

Jessica says, “come on, come out… I won’t hurt you or say anything…”

Jedda slowly opens the stall door, just a crack at first and then slowly continues to open it until Jessica can see her and the tears that have covered her face.

Jessica said, “I will be right back” and Jedda stood waiting for her to return.

Jessica walked back in and said, “Here,” handing her the hat that belonged to Jedda’s father. Jessica looked embarrassed as she handed back the hat and Jedda could tell.

Jessica said, “I'm sorry, I didn’t listen to you earlier because I was upset and wasn’t thinking. I didn’t realize how much this hat meant to you.”

Jedda said, “Thank you” and quickly proceeds to put her hair back up in the hat

“You know if you don’t like your hair I can help you cut it,” Jessica says

“Really!? That would be great!... But what about my mom?”

“I mean I can go with you when you go back home if you need.”

“Would you really? Thank you so much!”

Jessica pulled out a pair of scissors and started cutting away at Jedda’s hair. It wasn’t perfect by a long shot but Jedda loved it and thanked Jessisca with all her heart. They went back to class after missing second and third period and then after school that day, Jessica and Jedda met at the front of the school. They walked towards Jedda’s house and the nerves started to build, but so was the excitement. Jedda was finally starting to feel more and more like herself. They opened the door and Jedda’s mom stared in shock.

“What have you done?!” says Jedda’s mother.

“I cut her hair,” says Jessica

“I like it mom, it makes me feel more like me!”

“But your hair made you look so pretty and girly!” mom says.

“I don’t wanna look girly, I don’t wanna even go by she/her anymore mom!” Jedda exclames.

“Then what do you wanna be called?”

“I want to use they/them pronouns.”

“I don’t really get it but ok, I will try to respect your choices”

From that day forward, Jedda went by they/them and wore their hair short in the style of her father. Their mom tried her best to respect and understand her oldest child and Jessica and Jedda ended up being best friends. Jessica stopped being the school bully and started being an advocate for underprivileged and misunderstood kids. Jedda helped to educate other kids about differences and the benefits of being unique and