This Neverending Fight

I stood in the darkness. With a single step, the darkness created ripples as if water was underneath me. I heard my name being called out. I searched but found nobody, all I could hear was the ripples. I fell to my knees only to find my reflection staring back up at me and so I reached. My hand sinks deeper and deeper until my entire body falls in. I hold my breath until I find a light. I see the sunlight's reflection out across the top of the water. I tried to swim up, but the darkness tugs at my feet. A chill ran up my spine as I was forced back under. I'm going to die here. I'm going to drown. The darkness, the beast, whispered doubts back into my soul. You're never going to make it. Nobody is looking for you. Give up. I could feel myself getting heavier and heavier. Maybe they're right. The darkness continued to pull me down. I started to give up and I breathed in the water. I let it fill my lungs and so I believed the things the darkness spoke to me. I tried to swim up, but the weight, the doubts were just so heavy. I cried out for help, but nobody seemed to be around. Loneliness crowds me. Nobody is coming for me. I'm all alone. A voice entered into the silence, calling out my name. Someone stuck their hand in the water, I tried swimming and reaching, but I could not get out. They're looking for someone else. You are forgotten. They don't see you. And so, the darkness consumed me. Then I heard the voice again. I looked up and saw the stranger’s hand in the water, beckoning for me to come, but I was stuck. I am forgotten. Nobody cares. Nobody sees me. I start to sink; I was sinking so deep that I could not see the light. I was back where I started. Nobody is coming. I am all alone. Nobody cares. I am forgotten. I will always be alone. I hit the water staring down at my reflection. Why can't I win? I barely recognized this person I had become. This person I let the darkness make me and so I dove back in. Give up now. You'll never make it. You are forgotten. I kicked and screamed tirelessly, I was so tired of this darkness, of it evading every thought in my mind. I followed the voice that had been calling me and took that person’s hand.

***

I lifted my eyes, to find the ocean. Waves rippled side by side. I stood on a boat, staring towards the sun as it seemingly was rising from the sea. It's so beautiful. The sun was rising, a new beginning. I turned around to everyone else. I saw the others who were sinking and swimming, just as I had. I stared into the dark, dark sea. You don't belong here. You are forgotten. You are nobody. Voices surround each little boat, to lure us back into the darkness. I saw before me, many who jumped back in. I searched around me, in this little place. Many were dipping their hands in the water, the darkness nipping at them. A lot were standing on the edge, about ready to jump. I stared down at the darkness of the water, whispering to me. Give up now. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t go back. I was drowning, now I am free. I stared out to the shore, I saw carnivals, the people there looked at us mockingly. Some below them, dipping their toes in the water as if it was a game. As if this life has no meaning at all.

***

One day, I was fished out onto a bigger boat. It held many, up to hundreds. People from all different places and backgrounds, sitting next to me. All of us were given instruction manuals. The people here talked to me bits and pieces of how to understand it all. The more I read however, the more I was able to speak and understand.

***

The fishers were above us. They took people by the hand, lifting them out of the sea. The captains above them, who steered the group of us, here to there. I once saw a man walking on water. The darkness didn’t follow him like the rest of us. He helped everyone. Those on the shore, the beginners, those who were drowning, the ones on the little or big boats, he even helped the fishers and the captains. Most times he would reach his hand into the water, lift someone out, dry them off and place them on a boat. Other times he’ll hold hands or turn their faces away from the voices. All of us had this fear in our eyes, but not him. Whenever he came by, we all felt lighter. As I stayed here over time, I began to understand this man wasn’t just any man at all. Eventually he handed me a fishing pole and taught me how to fish.

“You are a fisher of men.”

***

I began to understand that over time, everyone moves on, the beginners would either come to the boats or drown before they could, the drowners become jumpers or those on the little boats, the jumpers became fishermen, the fishermen now captains. Once the captains were finished, they’d step onto the water as if it was glass and walk across the water. The darkness, not able to reach them. The man, the one who walks on water, would take their hands and take them home, then he would come back to help us. On the beach we see suffering, not in obvious ways, but you can hear them cry out at night. The nights are one of the worst. For it is only at night when you see a smiling man, frown. Sometimes we call out those on the shore to come join us, not in a mocking way. He helps them too. We can’t, we’ll get sucked into the world too easily.

“One day,” Jesus said to us, “There will be no more suffering.”

I knew he was talking about the last days on earth. I knew after that, there would be no need for fishers or captains since the new world will be perfect. We will join with our friends and family, hand and hand. We will enter a place with never ending joy, but right now I mustn’t worry about that. For I need to fish for the lost and show them Jesus, so one day they become fishers and captain. I smile above watching the sunrise before me. Today is a new day. You are forgotten. I know the darkness well enough to know it's all lies. I am not forgotten, I am chosen. I belong here. I am loved. I am cared for. I am someone. I am not alone.