The Forgotten and The Forgiven

It had to be the coldest day in November yet, but George was just glad the sun was shining. Johnny would have liked that, he always loved the cold, brisk air of winter with the sun beaming down warming his face. Today though George didn't have time to bask in the sun, he had to make it up the hill through the treacherous woody terrain and get back before nightfall. George only had one thing on his mind, he had to see it through or it would likely be the death of him. Today, on the anniversary of Johnny’s disappearance, he was determined to visit his brother's empty grave.

  Johnny had gone missing 20 years ago today, and George had only visited the grave a few times. After years of hoping to find Johnny again, the family finally decided to declare him dead and therefore when it came time to cement his death forever they buried an empty casket. George and Johnny’s mother cried over the cold lonely grave until her heart couldn't take it anymore and she passed away a few years later. George never cried though, Johnny wouldn’t have wanted that. He was full of life and laughter and rambunctious boyhood. The day Johnny went missing the whole town helped look for him. It was a small community in the Ozarks, but they looked high and low for that little boy. For weeks everyone wondered what could have happened to him since there was no evidence of him anywhere. They thought maybe someone had kidnapped him, or a wild animal had gotten him. They were all beside themselves, even the law enforcement were stumped. Johnny had just simply vanished in thin air. 

Today, Johnny is just another small-town mystery. George hardly ever goes back to his hometown, he has his own life in a different state now. He was only 9 years old when he lost his brother. Johnny had been 4 years older than George but still included him in all his wacky and sometimes dangerous adventures. People often compare the two to Mark Twain’s famous characters, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. Living out in the Ozarks you had to come up with your own entertainment, and often caution was thrown to the wind. But they were good boys, sweet, kind, well mannered, and their momma raised them well. But after Johnny went missing, and their mother passed, their father was hardly ever around and when he was around George wished he would just leave again. So it wasn't long before George left his small mountain community behind and never wanted to return. 

This day was different though, it was special. George needed to see this done for his sanity and his soul. It had been a terribly cold day such as this when he saw his brother for the last time. They had been playing in these same woods George was walking through now. Chills ran up his back that had nothing to do with the temperature. George was not looking forward to facing his brother's empty grave. He loved his brother and idolized him. It broke something in George when he lost his only friend and companion. That's why he had to stay away all these years, he couldn't be faced with those horrible memories. He could not stay away any longer though, it was time to meet the memories head-on. To come face to face with the worst day of his life. 

Johnny's grave was in a small family cemetery where family members George never knew had been buried for decades. Their mother was laid to rest in this cemetery, God rest her soul. Their Father was laid to rest here as well, dying just a few years prior after drowning himself in the bottom of a bottle. One of his very distant cousins would come and tend to the graves so they weren't grown with weeds. It was sad to think that other than the caretaker, the weeds, and the wild animals that roamed these woods, no one ever came to visit. This little plot of land was all but forgotten in the outside world. 

George hadn't forgotten though. It ate away at him during his waking hours and his sleep. He could never forget this place, his once happy home, his once lively brother. He kneeled at his brother's headstone, worn down by harsh summers and much harsher winters. He brushed away dirt and dead leaves to see the words written on the tombstone. He placed the small bouquet at the base hoping usually they would be enough. Johnny never gave much thought to flowers, but isn't what people did to remember loved ones who had passed on? George knew it wouldn't matter, Johnny was gone; he wouldn't care about the flowers one way or the other. George had this deep ache in his chest that had been building ever since stepping foot in this town. It was overwhelming, the grief that had accumulated over the years swelling, threatening to break free. 

George needed to say goodbye to his brother, but he also needed to say he was sorry. “Johnny, do you remember that day in November all those years ago? We wanted to surprise Momma with a turkey, so we took Daddy’s gun and snuck out real early to see if we could get one. We should have stayed in bed. Who would have known that day would have gone the way it did? But I guess you never know these things.” George was still kneeling by his brother's grave site tears had begun to run down his cheeks. George had only cried over his brother one other time. 

It wasn't easy keeping the secret for so many years. It had worn George down until he was basically a shell of a man. It was also worse around this month, but this year was different, this year George was ready to face his demons. He needed to make amends for what he had done. He needed Johnny to know how sorry he was before it was too late. “I never meant to hurt you, Johnny, you know that, right?” At this point, George was quietly weeping, the pain almost too great. “It was an accident, but if Momma and Daddy found out what I had done they would have hated me. Everyone would have. I guess it didn’t matter anyway, momma died of a broken heart and Daddy lost himself to booze. Man, I miss you so much, Johnny. I have missed you ever since that day and will miss you until my last breath. I’m going to fess up, I’m going to tell them all what actually happened. I need to fess up, Johnny, not just for my sake but for yours too. You deserve to not be a mystery anymore. You deserve a proper burial. I just hope one day you can forgive me, maybe you already do. I don’t know. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, But to see you again on the other side of all this is all I have ever wanted.” And with that, George wiped his tears with his handkerchief, stuffed it back in his pocket, and rose.

He may never know if Johnny will forgive him or not. Johnny was gone, had been for 20 years. No one knew the truth, no one but George. Well, that was all about to change. So with steely resolve, George left the flowers with the empty casket and started walking to where Johnny was really buried.