La La Land

The blueprint of the familiar night sky vanished. Where did the stars go? They were replaced by dense layers of cloud cover.I can't even recall the last time I saw a star. Every night was the same. The sun would set I would step outside gaze up and nothing. I could not comprehend this incongruent new night sky. I hated it. I love the artistry and nirvana the night sky offers. An opportunity to bask in the moonlight and light a fire gnawed at me like a rodent with jagged teeth. It was early July when I caught a glimpse of two stars.They weren’t even bright. Two faded rogue stars scattered like tiny polka dots. The air was heavy like one of those x-Ray vests. Was Mother Nature resetting Herself? Sure felt like it. Intermission in Divine form, a new cinema in town. Birds were singing at the top of their voices.Deer and wild Turkey seeped from the Woods and gathered in the roads. A Symphony of crickets serenaded each night all night. The world had been sent its room. I felt optimistic. The people stuck inside were not built for this. How many humans do their inner work to heal the broken constructs within themselves instead of blaming others or distracting themselves with a menu of coping mechanisms? I am not excluding myself from the distraction mechanism statement. .Staying inside had a duality. A whisper from the universe loud enough for all to hear this time. The whoosh of everyday life, the buzz of cars zooming to and from work. The urgency to do anything and everything. It all just stopped like musical chairs. Every structure was affected. Every person was affected. People were unapologetically hoarding toilet paper and hand sanitizer. Schools became graveyards, graduations were scrapped. The church handles all fixed in lock position. People were freaks before the pandemic never-mind this. I couldn’t even run an errand on my best day. The energies crippled and bombarded me every time no matter how early I went. I could feel the guys’ mood in aisle 3 from the second I set foot in the store. By the time I left the store my hands were shaking like an alcoholic. All interactions were draining. Exchanges of energy with another human were not pleasant unless they had good energy. The masks amplified what I already knew of a complete stranger if I made eye contact. 

Thrust face down into becoming a second grade teacher. One of us had to stay home with our daughter to do remote distance learning. Rona would surely crush my lungs.

The ICU stint in 2018 that landed me on a ventilator on Christmas Day for a day and a half cemented this fear. I had a near death experience. I saw a staircase with a heavenly woman glowing at the top but I did not ascend. I felt the bliss of a love I have never met. A message from my Higher Self to get it together. I had a mother who ripped me apart with no mercy. I never had a chance. She relentlessly body shamed and scapegoated me. My Higher Self kicked me out of the driver’s seat. I developed my psychic gifts.

I felt everything.

Self sabotage and depression became the baseline for much of my existence. I learned that near death experiences can serve to awaken sleeping parts. Time to discard all things toxic and take care of myself. I have cried every day since April 2018.Not necessarily tears of sadness just feeling things all emotions. I’ve always been able to guess a persons birthday but never thought I’d be detailing in words how my third eye and crown chakra popped on its own. This was when my Inner changed. I felt something inside crack. I can never go back. This was only the beginning.I now had access to the cosmic rabbit hole.

The tips of my fingers were turning blue and throbbing like blocks of ice as I crawled under my plum comforter wearing my Santa Claus socks middle August 2020. This was normal for me once my ascension began. A spectrum of physical symptoms in tandem with shedding my old skin. Literally. My face peeled for two years straight and the dermatologist declared I was exfoliating too much. I exfoliated once weekly, nothing over the top to justify my face shedding like a snake. I always secretly wished I could rip my face off and never understood the feeling driving that...... until now. 

My head barely touched the pillow when I heard my little daughter scream in absolute terror. I bolted up from my position as if I was struck by lightning, my eyes widened like a deer in the headlight. 

She flew down the hallway to me, took a deep breath, and whispered “Mommy, somebody scratched me.”

I grabbed her and held her tight, “It’s okayyy, what happened sweetie?”

“The fingers were sharp in my shoulder, I saw them all crooked and yellow.”

Her face flushed, Abby whispered “I’m scared, it flipped my dollhouse over too.”

“It’s going to be okay baby; let me go see what’s going on.”

Shuddering as I walked toward the living room I felt it as soon as I walked in. Heavy and disgusting. The air was cold and all I could think was how the hell did this thing get in here? It had been years since I felt spirit but this was a whole different beast.The doll house was tipped on its side with her dolls and furniture scattered all over the living room. The thing was hovering above us.

 Abby tightened her grip on my hand and whispered in my ear, voice cracking “Mommy I saw it. It’s an old man with a scowl on his face and he has a cane.”

I held her tight and said “I understand this is scary but I will take care of it.” 

How could I even make such a promise? I was still trying to absorb the situation never mind resolve it.

Now my six year old daughter is telling me she sees spirit.?! This is her baptism?

From here things escalated like the speed of sound. We heard a loud bang in the kitchen. One of the wood stools was tipped over. Abby walked down the hall and into her bedroom.

“Mommy come here.”

I ran to her. She was pointing to the fan her face pale and tears in her eyes.

“It was on Mommy.”

Taking her tiny hand I led her to my bedroom to collect my thoughts. My clock read 3:01 and we heard the familiar click of the deadbolt and his voice. 

“Why is the chair on it’s side?” Shawn barked from the kitchen.

Before I could answer he was walking toward us.

‘Oh great I thought to myself I have to deal with him on top of all this he's not going to be any help.’

I told him what happened. He walked into Abby’s bedroom and clicked the fan on. 

“Probably a faulty switch,” Shawn concluded as he left to shower and go outside.

I let him go. He was only going to make things worse whatever he did. The last thing I needed was another handicap or disadvantage over this thing. His bad energy would fuel it more. 

The fan continued to go on and off for the next fifteen minutes straight. The energies were intense and malevolent. Her ice cream truck was the next target. The entity shut the windows that were flapped open and knocked all of the ice cream cones over. 

I knew I had to act fast. Luckily I had a mammoth sage log on hand my friend Susan had gifted me while visiting Salem, Massachusetts last Halloween. I ripped open a window and began smudging. I must have recited the 23^rd Psalm one hundred times before I felt satisfied I could stop. My throat hurt from the smoke, my brain was pounding. I could feel the layer of smudge from the sage sticking to my feet as I walked into the kitchen the window sill drew me in. My fairy I had positioned there was floating facedown in a pot of water in the sink. Drowning. It occurred to me that I had been putting the fairy back a few times now, not understanding why she was getting pushed off all the time everyday. This actually got my attention. This thing was so vigilant and trying to get my attention it lurked at night and hovered in the corners of the house streaking through the hallways in my peripheral vision when I'm going to the bathroom all kinds of stuff but it became so commonplace for me I just went about my business and went back to bed. This was straight out of a movie I did not want to be in .I didn’t have a good feeling this thing was gone. It seemed to have more juice than a normal spirit if there is such a thing…

We split a grilled cheese and things seemed to calm down.

The cats were still hiding. Abby passed out around eight. She was sleeping in her room alone like every other night. This in itself blew my mind. I didn't want to be alone. The giraffe nightlight cast an aqua glow across her ceiling. I dropped to the ground completely driven by my Higher Self. Tears fell as I knelt by her bed and recited the Hail Mary and the Our Father for at least ten minutes. Something about me observing my sleeping child made me feel more vulnerable. My life was on pause. That much I was certain of. 

The sun made a pattern of horizontal gold bars against my curtain after a loud thud woke me up. It was the remote control falling off the bed. God that thing is loud at that hour. I felt like a truck ran me over. It all wasn’t a nightmare. My door opened and I saw Abby standing there with wide eyes clutching her stuffed puppy.

“Hi sweetie, come lay with Mommy,” I said as I squinted in her direction.

She hopped up and asked “Mommy is it gone?”

I said “I think it is let’s go in the living room.”

We went into the living room together and as soon as I walked in I felt it. my stomach dropped. I felt the cold vortex swirling directly over my head. We walked into the kitchen together and two seconds later she said it was trying to turn her eyes inward with its horrible scraggly nails. Grabbing her little hand I led her outside to collect my thoughts.

Air was heavy as the August sun greeted us. Crippled by fear our shadows cast cutouts across the gently dewed grass. The familiar cricking sound of the umbrella going up for the day felt eerily different this time. I felt it behind me standing in the kitchen window. Abby ate a yogurt as I gazed straight ahead completely dazed with my middle finger in the air never looking back. 

Suddenly Abby said “ Mommy it is in the looking out the window at us.”

I said “I know just ignore it” just hearing the words come out of my mouth was surreal - my throat burnt and I was dehydrated from all the sage smoke.

 I said “ I'll be right back stay put honey.”

I went into the house grabbed my water bottle when I heard her scream. I bolted back outside she was in tears the thing was trying to scratch her feet and she was jumping all over the place. It gouged a piece out of her flip flop and left a V shaped chip in the sole. Abby had dark red scratches all over her left foot.

The urge to vomit was overwhelming this point. We sat at the table as the catbirds called to each other from the cherry tree. I must have sat there for what seemed like an hour frozen as to what my next step would be. I had helped friends in the past burn spirits out of their houses and stuff like that but this was like Stephen King on steroids. Figures it would happen to me. I guess I'm just being tested again..I knew I had a problem when the thing followed us outside. This is my worst nightmare.